Her Highness Peach Blossoms, in a delightfully honest expression includes this, “I question why I can’t seem to go beyond the initial attraction with a couple of seemingly Mr. GoodEnoughs. Modesty, attractiveness, being restrained doesn’t seem to stir men to do more.”
Her Highness That Horse is Dead agrees, “It sounds like you and I are of a similar pattern. I’m introverted and shy and so I always thought that my efforts to show a man my interest (while maintaining modesty and restraint) were perceived loud and clear. What I’ve come to realize, however, is that my idea of “loud and clear” may be like an iceberg to a man ….”
In both cases, I conclude this. The guys grow bored because they aren’t challenged. Gals don’t ask questions, never put men on the defensive from which they can rise to the challenge and recover, apparently ‘win’, and thus add merit to their opinionated sense of great worth to the gals. Ask more questions and the guys will pay more attention and enjoy more encounters that are hopefully dates.
Gals should remember this, braggarts grow bored listening to themselves tell different gals the same stories. If gals ain’t unique, vaginas are all the same.
Neither gal mentioned above stresses her uniqueness and guys lose interest. Others have similar problems and I think I’ve finally identified a solution. You ladies keep too much to yourselves just when the occasion calls for the opposite. You let guys drag on and on about their accomplishments and promise of worthiness to you—aimed at getting you in bed of course—while you entertain yourself as being the object of each guy’s apparent attention and hopefully affection. Sorry, men don’t work like that.
Modern women use a weak strategy aimed at benefiting guys and causing disadvantage for ladies. I propose something else.
As a smart date you let the guy talk about himself, which is superbly wise, but you go too far. You are entitled in all dates to mention a few subjects to help you identify both his character and his worthiness to you for future dates. If you do as I advise below, he will also make a much faster and easier assessment of your worth to him and vice versa. What I propose below is designed to keep him on your side until you decide he is or isn’t Mr. Good Enough.
Women need a new strategy in order to put all men in their proper place in the hierarchy of the genders. All that men tell you is self-serving and—of necessity because of both masculine adolescence and women’s eagerness to believe—half of it is crap. I propose such a new strategy and hope to describe it simple enough to be easily adopted.
Major female interest. Any successful relationship requires, and every relationship expert is capable of putting her man off balance from time to time. That’s not when he’s most vulnerable because he may get honked off. But it’s when he’s more easily read for what and who he is and could possibly mean to her.
Purpose. With just a smidgen of determination, shy ladies can overcome hesitancy, enlarge their courage, and gain a wealth of knowledge about a man merely by asking specially designed questions. Doing so provides a better eval of his worth to her; it enables her to indirectly expose character traits that remain purposely obscured or hidden when he does all the talking.
Method. She now and again asks specific questions that neither disturb the flow of conversations nor upset his apple cart. She patiently and pleasantly just inquires about his past, personality, habits, and opinions. She challenges him to describe himself in ways that inform her rather than keep himself focused on what he thinks are impressive about himself.
Pay attention, ladies. Your challenges to him make you unique. Oh, he may not like you for it, but you need to be unique from other women for his thoughts to ever turn toward marriage.
Questions you may ask. (Numbered for easy reference.)
- So far in life, what’s your greatest achievement? What are you proudest of?
- So far, what’s your biggest mistake? What are you least proud of?
- Where did you get your work ethic? (If he doesn’t understand the term, he doesn’t understand the role of work in his life, so dump him soon.)
- How did you earn spending money in your teens?
- How did you work your way through college?
- Are you still in touch with your teen/college friends? Do you assemble regularly? Would you like to?
- Have you ever had a girl as best friend? From kindergarten to college. No love or anything, just a friend? What made her so valuable to you?
- How would your family have responded if you had gotten a girl in trouble in high school?
- Were you able to save money in your teens? Buy your own car?
- What roles do you inherit as a survivor if your parents die suddenly? Siblings? Estate settlement? Inheritance?
- If you could have any car in the world, which would you choose? Why?
- If you could live anywhere in the world, where and why?
- Ever consider entering politics? If so, where would you aim your main effort?
- Who do you love most? Your mom or dad? Why?
- Nothing personal and I just mean in an academic sense, but who taught you how to love someone?
- No details please, but if you have been dumped, whose fault was it? Not why, just who?
- Did your grannie play a part in your upbringing? Influence you much?
- What or who has influenced you the most in life?
- If you were God, what would you fix?
- Do you live up to something or someone bigger than yourself?
- What do you think is the most important or dynamic trait of a gentleman?
- If all men were gentlemen, what would women be like?
- If all women were ladies, what would men be like?
- What and why were your best and worst subjects (not teachers) in school?
- Who and why were your best teachers in school?
- What’s the most vital ingredient to raise a good child.
- Do you agree or disagree? Children should be raised to be good adults more than to be good children.
- If you had to do school over again, how would you do differently.
- Imagine yourself as a military man; how would you feel?
- Would you rather be a cop or a soldier?
- Thinking of the military, what service would you most likely join?
- Would you rather be a father or grandfather?
- If you were very rich, how would you point your life? In what direction?
- What is more important? How much money you have or how much control you have over it?
- When and how are you the most valuable to yourself?
- What would you do if an ex ratted to friends that you lack sexual ability?
- Not how many you want or don’t want, but what’s the max number of kids you think you’re capable of raising? Not financially but emotionally.
- While growing up, do you think you learned how to father children?
- While growing up, did you observe by example or have a role model for how to husband a wife?
- What does loving someone mean to you?
- How do you handle yourself when you have to deal with people who appear to be much smarter than you? How about dumber?
- How much crap are you willing to take from a boss? At what point does your integrity refuse to take more?
- If you married, what would you consider normal if your wife cheated on you?
- If you married, what would you consider normal if you cheated on your wife?
- Whose your favorite hero or role model in life?
And you ladies invariably respond with this. “But I could never say such things.”
And I say, then find some other questions that you can ask. Your relationship success from time to time will depend on your ability to put him—apparently very innocently—on the defensive and enabling him to talk his way away from whatever made you want to change the subject.
You don’t have to use all 45 of those questions to uncover the character of a man of interest. But you need to use some or others of your own choosing. Without your uncovering his character to your examination, three shortcomings arrive unhindered into every relationship: a) You won’t be unique enough for his learning to respect and like you enough for deep love to develop. b) You won’t truly know the man you marry. c) You will find marital misery long before marital happiness.
Attention, ladies. I know you will strongly object and eagerly withdraw from what I just wrote. It’s too big a change for anyone to adopt out of the black and white of so much info. Accept the spirit and test out parts of it for yourself. See if you don’t get more affirmation from guys than previously. I write from the ideal, you need to convert it to whatever is practical for you and you alone.