NOTE: I distinguish these two terms. Management is the overall effect created by maintenance at lower levels within a relationship. Good maintenance consists of habits and practices that promote togetherness. Poor maintenance drives a couple apart. Preventive maintenance (PRiM) is the initiative designed to help women follow their nature, take advantage of the male nature, and produce harmony and thus guarantee good management of the home.
Whenever the subject of relationship management comes up among women, it’s because men have done wrong. Men are to blame; women are the victims. A man is expected to change; his woman is expected to suffer through whatever agonies it takes for reconciliation or separation.
All decision making shifts into her hands. He is ignorant of what to do or acts that way. She judges him wrong and that’s her decision. (I’m not arguing that he isn’t wrong; he’s certainly capable and guilty in her eyes.)
She feels compelled to blame him because she doesn’t know what else to do. She has exhausted her patience, imagination, and hope. She wants to do more but can’t figure out what will relieve whatever pressures bear upon her.
Consequently, she puts herself in control simply by blaming him. It reduces her responsibility, eases her guilt, and enables emotional release through griping, which sooner or later justifies throwing the sucker out.
When I compare their diverse natures, I’m drawn to these analogies about how the hearts and minds work in men.
Husband buys new car. The better he manages the maintenance of it, the more he’s satisfied with his effort, and the longer he keeps it. Poorer maintenance means his poor management. It translates over time to less interest in it, which generates more attention being paid to newer models, and sooner or later he gets new car fever.
All the difference revolves around his care and caring of the car. If he manages with good preventive maintenance, his actions program his heart to stay loyal to the car because he invests himself in it. Poor management and thus lack of preventive maintenance equates to less or little investment of self, which makes the car less valuable in his heart, and makes him more worthy of something newer.
Husband gets new wife. The better she manages the relationship and harmonizes the home, the more he assumes full credit as main manager, which is his major investment of self—home and not she is the vehicle equivalent. As a direct result, the more eagerly he enjoys himself by pleasing her, the longer he keeps her. (If she doesn’t come by it naturally, good management calls for PRiM (details coming later). It enables her to get what she wants with little effort just by more closely aligning her words and actions with her nature as a responsible, energized, very feminine woman.)
Poor management in the home produces poor maintenance and vice versa. It translates to her less interest in him and weakening of his, her, or mutual likeability. Weakening of likeability of one’s mate accumulates indirectly over time and leads to the 2-year glitch, 7-year itch, and 20-year ditch-and-switch attitude that can interest either or both spouses to look for a new mate.
What if she had strategies, tactics, and techniques that prevented his undesirable behavior from arising in the first place? What if she had less sharp and far fewer reasons to blame? (When relationship management is the issue, he’s much easier than she to be satisfied with their relationship.)
She can get there, become that, if she utilizes the options available with PRiM. (Options being identified and list prepared.) With PRiM she can enable and he will be encouraged to take part and become much more directly involved in sustaining their relationship at least at a level satisfactory to her.
If she does good maintenance, her likeability remains high in his eyes. His actions that support her program his heart to remain loyal to her. If he loses faith, respect, or confidence in her ability—e.g., to keep their relationship on an even keel as he envisioned when he proposed, or on her lack of ability to maintain harmony—then her appeal deteriorates. Newer models aka other babes become more easily noticeable wherever he looks.
But how does good maintenance work? Of course it varies between couples and depends on the woman. It’s her words and especially actions that trigger responses in her man that promote his desire to please himself by pleasing her. Phrased as if from inside him, he does whatever it takes to keep from offending her.