2300. Preventive Relationship Maintenance — And Likeability

Motto: PRiM is very proper, ‘cause he doesn’t drop her.

For reasons having to do with the way men love differently from women, I connect all the emotional attractions of one person for another. It includes shortcomings that don’t disqualify but are found acceptable enough to be ignored. All of it rolled up into one fluffy little love ball called their likeability, which makes them uniquely different to every other person.

Everyone is as likeable as each other individual determines them to be. No two people judge or are judged alike. As women view love, it is inadequate to describe masculine behavior; men just don’t think and act the same way. Likeability closes the gap. It enables us to talk about men and women as they couple up and understand why mates do and don’t stay together. Why preventive maintenance before the fact is far superior to relationship management after the fact.

Likeability summarizes a person’s appeal to another. Your likeability to guy A is enough for him to marry you, but guy B wouldn’t think of it. OTOH, guy A’s likeability means nothing to you, but you’d give your heart and soul if guy B would just pay attention to you. It means you need to look for guys C, D, E, F, and G.

One’s likeability includes all the appealing attractions such as physical attractiveness, mental compatibility, love, like, affection, mutual respect, trust, patience, indirectness, and every other kind of trait and habit that appeals favorably to the other. Those features and habits that a man admires in a woman are virtues. The more virtuous, the more likeable to that man. As a woman sees desirable attractions in a man, she sees high merits. The more and higher the merits, the more likeable to that woman.

Likeability is personal taste and couple-connected. If each person remains likeable enough to the other, they tend to stay together. As life progresses, virtues and merits lose and gain importance. If virtues or merits weaken, then the couple starts to lose common interest, part their togetherness, and finally split their partnership or mated connection. So, as used here, ‘likeable’ means tending to glue one person to another and if likeability is mutual, a couple may form. If mutual enough, they may stay together. Unlikeable that may come later after a couple forms initiates the separation process although it never has to go that far.

As usual, there’s a catch. PRiM is the process of making oneself more likeable to another and finding more likeability in the other. However, we lack the ability to improve without error another person’s respect, trust, love, patience, etc. IOW, we should forget the details and work on the big picture.

The catch is this paradox. You make yourself more likeable in two ways: a) by making him like himself better; b) by making yourself a better person. Not by trying to be more likeable yourself, although you should frequently take inventory by evaluating yourself against how he treats you. We all like to associate with people with whom we like ourselves. Without trying or even thinking about it, we like ourselves when with them; they are likeable to us and we usually mate with the most likeable.

This is PRiM in simplest terms. The primary job of keeping a man’s love is twofold. a) She does whatever it takes to read her man and keep herself both respected and likeable in his eyes. b) She does whatever it takes to find and keep her man likeable in her eyes. Both are required and relatively simple but not easy for a relationship expert.

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Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, sex differences

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