21. You already know that sex is not the most important function in your relationship. Except for his getting enough of what he expects, don’t let your disappointments control the relationship. Patience is one of a woman’s most natural and beneficial talents. When your disappointments show, he takes offense.
22. Never, never, never, never in any way find anything but praise for his lovemaking. What you don’t like, be silent. You can teach yourself to manage all his sexual interests into forms that don’t offend and results that please you. It may take years too. Positive feedback works best, but it clashes with the female nature to perfect her man impatiently, which brings out her negative opinions. You should overcome with patience if you hope to have Mr. Right emerge in a few years.
23. Inspired by an off-blog discussion with Prettybeans, I developed a tactic to take some worry out of 22 just above. Make the following an academic exercise, a clash of wits rather than will. Long before you yield to his conquest, ask boyfriend what the three acts of sex mean. What does foreplay, intercourse, and afterplay mean to a woman? Put him on his own, give him time to research it. Regardless of his response, just reply this way: Nope, it means intimacy, intimacy, and intimacy in three acts. He asks what do you mean. You always respond with one answer: “Intimacy, intimacy, intimacy and you’ll have to figure it out.” Neither complain nor explain further. If he wants to please you, he hunts for ways to provide intimacy; it will be more durable if he figures out how. You want him to live forever with these thoughts preying on his heart. What is intimacy as she sees it? Am I doing it right? Am I doing enough? Am I pleasing her? Should I try harder to provide intimacy? IOW, he measures his performance by thinking of you and your need rather than just his own. (Remember: Men think that her orgasm is enough; it’s all that is required of a good man and foreplay gets accelerated and afterplay gets lost in cigarette smoke or sleep.) Some day he will likely learn to deliver pleasure as you desire it. His heart will settle into a rhythm that truly pleases you. You may then find less fault with his lovemaking. But it starts with his clear conviction that you need intimacy because you made a big issue of it when you could, i.e., before conquest.
24. Before marriage you compete assertively to protect your sexual assets from premature conquest. After marriage, that kind of competition is out of place. Cooperation that you initiate, manage, and perpetuate produce a couple with a much brighter future together. (Husbands don’t compete with their wives; they fear losing to a woman they have conquered. It’s an avoid-at-all-cost natural mindset and attitude that originates in the masculine heart.)
25. Don’t criticize the person but the deed. Else, it turns your spirit sour. The old argument about constructive criticism is garbage from his woman to her man. If you can’t get more out of him without criticism, it may be because he’s the wrong man for you, you’re the wrong woman for him, or you’re not trying hard enough to build your indirect influence.
26. Your natural patience is the enabler that allows you to avoid criticizing others. Women who criticize expose a female heart that is neither gentle nor an irresistible attraction, both of which are not natural. It changes the routine hurdles into high jumps and pole vaults.
27. Teach your children to enjoy learning. They simply like to learn new stuff. Your need from time to time to feed them constructive criticism will work much better. However, when blended or the blending of families is involved, blame and even constructive criticism toward the other family’s members halts blending. The criticism is felt by all.
28. Choose your battles. Learn to tell what is worth bringing up and discussing and what is better to just let go and forget. [from Anita at 2298]
29. What’s worth fighting over? Every woman can use the experience of making decisions that promote her best interest. So, for every time that you choose the answer that something is not worth fighting over, you choose the path to preserving peace. It benefits you three ways: a) You gain experience moving toward harmony rather than disturbing the peace. b) It keeps him at least mollified until he gets over whatever disturbed him or you. c) More peace and harmony follow peace and harmony much more easily than they follow contrary conditions.
30. If it’s worth fighting over, remember that the one most fearful of losing the other is the weakest of the ‘battlers’. Once a battler is weakened, they are much easier to do without. Taken to the extreme for a woman, nothing then is worth fighting over. If she wins, he loses face, which makes her less likeable and him more ready to not lose the next round even if he has to leave to avoid it. If he wins, his reliance on his dominant nature strengthens, which makes it ever harder for her to win a battle. (This point is worth a repeat: Husbands don’t compete with their wives; they fear losing to a woman they have conquered. It’s an avoid-at-all-cost mindset that resides in the masculine heart.)