2302. Preventive Relationship Maintenance — Guy’s PRiM: 31-40


31. Clear the air before it needs cleaning. As a prospective bride, work out a contract with your prospective mother-in-law. First, pleasantly and respectfully seek her permission to ‘take away’ her little boy. Make sure mother approves of you as son’s bride. (If she doesn’t, it’s another ballgame for discussion elsewhere.) After getting her approval, get approval on this second step. I ask that you never complain to him about me. If you think ill of me in any regard, please let me know and give me a chance to rectify it before you involve him. Our marriage won’t work unless he’s out of the middle between you and me. By the same token, I can’t and won’t dump my problems with him in your lap. We women can work things out best all by ourselves. He’s totally my problem if you totally give him up.

32. Regarding his responsibility of producing, protecting, providing, and problem solving, wife has one primary role: encourage, support, praise, respect, appreciate, and crown his effort with whatever forms of glory she can find that makes him like himself. Be honest, don’t overdo it, and focus on his accomplishments rather than his treatment of her. (It doesn’t mean she yields up her dignity. She doesn’t water down her standards, expectations, or principles. She makes what he needs merge amicably with who and what she is as his wife. By confirming his importance for his accomplishments, she becomes more likeable to him, which grows his love of her.)

33. About his job, she knows nothing but what he tells her, which has a strong bias to make him look good or others to look poorly. She should not advise him how to handle conditions at his workplace. He knows best even when confused. For her to interfere is to show she thinks him inadequate. Furthermore, she can’t know both sides of the politics. Her advice or expectations for him could easily put him in the wrong if he heeds her biased and incomplete interpretations.

34. When he stumbles, falls, or fails either physically, mentally, or financially, don’t pick him up. Provide the necessary health care but not recovery fare. Smile, generate fun to divert his attention, make yourself likeable about other matters, encourage his picking himself up, give him hope, keep sympathy to yourself, and otherwise enable him to escape his indignities by himself. That way, he thinks only he recognizes the indignities. It makes him grateful that you don’t see him as a failure but only as a ‘recoverer’ or admired survivor.

35. Enable your children to self-develop. Guide their father into helping with the process. Of course, guide, lead, admonish, and discipline them. But do the least possible to avoid de-motivating them. There is no such thing as motivation, there is only self-motivation—and it begins in toddlerhood, which is how and why children are self-developers. Turn them away from self-development and they respond as problem children.

36. Women can trust someone without respecting them. Men can’t or won’t; they insist that their respect for someone be earned. If you can’t or don’t respect your man, you can expect that he thinks you don’t trust him, which comes back in the form of his not respecting you, which is the foundation of a man’s love. So, lack of respect for your man almost guarantees that his love will weaken or worse, which comes from your being less likeable because he doesn’t feel as good about himself as previously.

37. If he shows signs of undue jealousy or mistrust of you, it reflects his conviction that men cheat and, therefore, women must cheat as easily. He’s ill informed about that connection, but many men believe it. It does not mean that he cheats or intends to cheat and, in fact, could very well mean that he is faithful but is wary that you might cheat—modern women have made it fairly common, it would seem. So, don’t distrust him just because he seems to suspect you intermittently. Let him see no actions that make him suspect you, and don’t blame him until proof is very evident that he cheated.

38. He likes to be direct and expects you to be the same. However, your nature advises indirectness, because it makes you more flexible and influential. So, you have the tougher task of avoiding directness when he expects it most and you can least afford to provide it. That horse is difficult to stay astraddle when trying to jump over bigger disagreements.

39. Once he conquers you, your appearance is not nearly as irresistible. The hot-stuff season of romantic love fades in a year or two. During that time it’s up to you to develop the attractions that tease his curiosity and spur his imagination to picture getting into bed with you rather than others. Without your planting that picture in his heart, his curiosity and imagination go neutral about you.

40. Never reject him for sex. Instead, just use this claim: I really don’t feel like it now. Can you please accommodate my wishes? Resist nicely and pleasantly as if he owns you. Then follow his lead. Also, don’t use the claim falsely or it means nothing in the future except to anger him. He gave up his independence for you; you owe him everything that he desires because he deserves it. (Of course you can argue it isn’t fair; I’m just reporting how his nature responds to conqueror’s right that guides his thoughts about sex. You won him for however you use him and whatever you can get out of him; that’s a lot. He conquered you expecting to have his sexual urges satisfied frequently and conveniently. That, by comparison, isn’t much. If you’re too frequently unavailable, he did a lousy job by choosing you. You won’t sleep well if that thought preoccupies his mind.)

8 Comments

Filed under courtship, feminine, guy, How she wins, sex differences

8 responses to “2302. Preventive Relationship Maintenance — Guy’s PRiM: 31-40

  1. Lyndeeloo

    Dear Sir Guy,

    #39 has piqued my interest! I want to prepare not only for the wedding, but for the life that follows! Would you explain this a bit more?

    Your Highness Lyndeeloo,

    Start with #23 in article 2301. If you don’t have a boyfriend, post it on your bedroom mirror so you won’t forget when a boyfriend does appears. Young in life he may ignore what you teach. But he will learn how to be more successful in bed as you measure success. Then it’s a matter of his wanting to please you.

    What you ask specifically depends on two personalities and how they interact successfully. You have to figure out what and how attracts his attention to you whenever sex is mentioned or bedtime is considered or has arrived. And at other times too; you are fishing to keep his eyes aimed at the best bait, you.

    1. Always dress attractively to please his eyes more than anyone else’s. You may have to seek his guidance to develop enough self-confidence or avoid doing wrong.

    2. What other men think of your attractiveness means much to him. It confirms that he out-competed them by capturing you. So attractive apparel is always right.

    3. Develop little games that at your prompting can shift his attention from elsewhere. Develop unique techniques that capture and hold his attention on you. Use female strengths. Modesty can generate mystery. Show gratitude (rather than words) to compliment him as successful.

    4. Suggestive apparel only worn in the bedroom can generate more interest than nakedness. He will crave or expect nakedness for his viewing, but that is the man’s game and keeps his mind on sex. You want his mindset on YOU and the tease of mystery does it best even though he knows what lies underneath. Sex will take care of itself.

    5. Let modesty be your primary guide in the bedroom. It’s far superior to man-like behavior. Why? a) More mystery; why are women like that? I don’t understand, he says to himself. b) Modesty strengthens your confidence by acting out your nature. c) By being different, you deserve special treatment. d) You earn a little more of his respect with your dedicated independence to be different. e) It makes him seem more deserving to overcome your apparent resistance. f) To the extent it seems like the first or near-first sex together, it makes you more valuable to his touch and intent.

    6. Teasing in a ‘catch me if you can’ type of humor can capture and hold his interest. Other humorous ‘games’ can work too. Be careful about teasing, however. This kind is okay: “You were so great the other night. Bet you can’t do it that good again.” Or, “I hope you never lose that honeymoon touch.” This is NOT okay: “You can’t do it like you used to; losing your touch?” Or, “Our honeymoon sex is still the best ever.”

    7. I don’t care how much you object to him and what he does. Never put him down for anything to do with his performance in bed. Nothing is more toxic to your relationship. Of course if you want to be rid of him, it’s a good way to start.

    If he knows you very well, such as a wife, his nature urges him to minimal foreplay, get on with it, and rest or sleep. Straight forward and not what women call lovemaking and certainly not what they want in intimacy. He’s born that way until lessons learned in life convince him to work harder by putting out more of himself just to please his woman.

    Those points above can help convert his mindset into putting you first when in bed. It’s a tough job but someone has to do it. You can but it takes time, patience, and female expertise to make Mr. Right suddenly appear sometime in the future.

    You will find this hard to believe, but your future will brighten when you realize that training Mr. GoodEnough now is easiest when gaining Mr. Right is your ultimate objective for years in the future.

    Guy

    • Yin

      Highness Lyndeeloo: Thanks for asking this question 🙂

    • Lyndeeloo

      Dear Sir Guy,

      This is a very thorough response! It’s such a relief that you understood what I was asking without my having to be more…blunt (blush)… when I was phrasing my question. I’m grateful!

      Have a blessed Sunday!

      Your Highness Lyndeeloo,
      See? Your modesty shined through and, as a man, I accepted it and delivered the service just as you desired—indirectly. I saved you from directness and forgoing your modesty. That’s how truly feminine women use their inborn nature.
      Guy

  2. Joyful

    EDITOR’S NOTE: MY RESPONSE IS IN CAPS following your questions in lower case.

    YOUR HIGHNESS JOYFUL,

    WELCOME ABOARD. IT’S A GREAT DAY WHEN ANOTHER PRETTY WOMAN JOINS US ON THIS CRUISE TO WHATWOMENNEVERHEAR.

    About number 38. That is fascinating to me. I’ve read on manosphere blogs about men’s frustration with women being indirect.
    WOMEN HAVE NO BUSINESS READING THAT STUFF. THAT WHICH GOES THROUGH HER EYES AND IMAGINATION STAYS LODGED IN HER MIND AND CAN WANDER INTO HER HEART. SHE TRUSTS MEN BUT SHOULD NOT BELIEVE THEM WHEN THEY ACT AGAINST FEMALE INTEREST IN ORDER TO MAKE SEX MORE EASILY AND CHEAPLY AVAILABLE, WHICH GOES AGAINST THE FEMALE NATURE.

    SO LET MEN BE FRUSTRATED. WHY SHOULD WOMEN GO AGAINST THEIR NATURE TO PLEASE MEN WHO INTEND TO USE WHAT THEY LEARN AGAINST THE WOMEN THEY LEARN IT FROM?

    Will you please give an example of when it would be detrimental for a woman to be direct when a man expects it?
    ANYTIME BEFORE HE CONQUERS HER. GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS BEFORE CONQUEST, AND HE WILL EXPECT THE SAME DOMINANCE FOREVER.

    I’m thinking it would be about a women’s sexual past. If the man is so insistent about it can’t the women just continue to evade and charm?
    OF COURSE, AND THAT’S WHAT SHE SHOULD DO. HER SEXUAL PAST IS NONE OF ANYONE ELSE’S BUSINESS.

    What could cause a situation where the women had strattle the horse if they aren’t married?
    HER DIRECTNESS SHIFTS THE SITUATION/RELATIONSHIP TO COMPETITION, WHICH IS OKAY BEFORE CONQUEST. WITHOUT MARRIAGE, SHE SHOULD BE DIRECT AS NECESSARY TO DELAY HIS CONQUEST UNTIL SHE DECIDES TO YIELD. OTHERWISE, INDIRECTNESS PAYS OFF.

    And what situation would call for a women’s need to stay indirect after marriage when the husband expects it?
    SHE SHOULD AVOID BEING DIRECT IN MARRIAGE BECAUSE IT GENERATES COMPETITION WHICH IS THE DIRECT OPPOSITE OF KEEPING A HUSBAND.

    MANOSHERE CULTISTS RUIN THEIR MARRIAGES AND BLAME WOMEN. HUSBANDS DON’T COMPETE WITH THEIR WIVES; THEY FEAR LOSING TO A WOMAN THEY HAVE CONQUERED. IT’S AN AVOID-AT-ALL-COST NATURAL MINDSET AND ATTITUDE THAT ORIGINATES IN THE MASCULINE HEART.

    YET MEN WANT THEIR WIFE TO BE MORE DIRECT AND, THUS, COMPETITIVE, WHICH DRIVES MEN AWAY FROM HER. THEN THEY SEEK THE SUPPORTIVE COMPANIONSHIP OF OTHER MEN WHO ALSO DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY DO.

    Thank you again Sir Guy!

    GUY

    • Joyful

      Thank you Sir Guy for your ALLCAPS response to my inquiries. I know 100% to ignore men who say they want directness from a women. It is asked by men with complete self interest in mind and is a ploy on the path of least resistance. I was just musing on the fact that men’s direct game is directly opposed to women’s indirect game when trying to attract the other partner. I have no misgivings about a women’s need to be indirect.

      However I’m still a bit confused about this, “So you have the tougher task of avoiding directness when he expects it most and you can least afford to provide it.”

      Does this scenario pertain only to marriage? How it would be detrimental to a women to be direct with a potential partner before conquest that doesn’t relate to sexual matters? Which is none orfanyones business anyway.

      I’m curious about or if situations of that nature come up before conquest that wouldn’t justify a women not needing to be direct.

      Your Highness Joyful,

      You’re right. Before conquest they are competitors. Directness is okay anytime she needs to win or protect her interests. But conquest rather than marriage is the dividing line between competition to protect herself as an independent person and woman, and the cooperative expectation of conqueror’s right and firm conviction that he owns her and their sexual agenda.

      Whatever price he paid to bed her, it was all the resistance she had. So, she has nothing else with which to earn more respect. Not her view, of course, but it’s his because he quits looking for her virtues unless she ‘totally captured’ him before conquest. That is, he obligated himself to marry her.)

      That’s why marriage before conquest is the woman’s game. She loses her ability to compete between conquest and marriage. Unless he’s totally enthralled with and self-obligated to her and men seldom are, he just won’t tolerate competition from a woman he’s conquered.

      They’re born this way. Two conquerors face off. One seeks marriage without yielding sex. The other seeks sex without having to obligate himself. When he wins, marriage may or may not follow and usually not. When she wins, both marriage and conquest occur.

      Guy

  3. Yin

    34 is so good!! 🙂

  4. Peach Blossoms

    Dear Sir Guy,
    Glad to hear you’re recovering and still blogging.

    #38 sounded familiar. My supervisor, who is a far younger man than me, asked me to tell him ‘directly’ what was bothering me about the job since he doesn’t ‘like to guess what you’re thinking’. I was quite stressed out but more from trying to get used to an entirely new job and industry. My style is to absorb and let time help me get used to things. But he seemed to have felt I looked too stressed out and wanted to know why.

    Will be poring over your blog again. 🙂 Stay well, Sir.

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