41. Quit trying to be perfect and quit trying to demand that of others. No one can be perfect but you can be the most ‘good person’ that you can imagine and the kind of woman that husband finds likeable. Perfection ain’t where it’s at. If it makes you more likeable to him, it’s the right thing to do (unless, of course, it goes against your moral principles).
42. Your moral principles and religious beliefs are a major part of your likeability. Disclose them during courtship or you will lose in the end. If you wait till after the altar, disclosure turns you into a different woman, one he did not marry. If you try to get him to buy into your beliefs and convictions, you are trying to change him, and that’s offensive to him.
43. If you learned to do or think something from feminists, drop it, quit it. It will offend him sooner or later. The nature of feminist-think makes you eager to blame him, which opens competition, which makes him vulnerable to lose battles with his woman, which men avoid at all costs, which causes male dominance to explode in her face, or else he may just escape her company. It can’t be good for you in the end.
44. If your man knows your sexual activity before him, he can use it against you. And most men will if they need it to keep from losing battles with their woman in the future. Full disclosure torpedoes the female ship, which then sinks when he decides to pull the plug and let you go your own way.
45. Sharpen your thinking and promise yourself that you will remain the closest you can to the woman he married—physically, mentally, and habitually. His thinking and expectations won’t change from the woman he met at the altar. Why should you if you hope to keep him?
46. You expect him to change to meet your expectations, but he doesn’t change his way of thinking and especially not for a woman. Consequently, he expects you not to change, but you have to in order to stay flexible and capable enough to harmonize your relationship. Only you can figure out how to keep those conflicting expectations harmonized.
47. If he doesn’t want to go to church, you go anyway. Insist that it’s your way of life with or without him. Don’t complain, don’t explain, and fix his breakfast with a smile on your face so he won’t begrudge your absence. You may attend all alone for years, but he will come to love you for it and be much more likely to join you someday. He will come to admire your moral strength and loyal determination, and what he admires is a virtue and men marry virtuous women. That is, your steady church-going (and with the kids) confirms his choice; he did the right thing by marrying you (even if he never attends church).
48. Start this during courtship. Stand up for yourself long before he has a chance to tear you down. Draw some lines in the sand that you diligently protect and over which he shouldn’t step. Example: He knows long before you marry that to hit you is to lose you. Period. That’s it. Once is enough. He can expect the same result will flow as the result of his abusive language, sexual maltreatment, lack of respect for your children, failing to respect your dignity, and whatever else you determine demeans you as person, woman, wife, and mother. He needs to know clearly—and long before you’re married that you will do exactly what you say if he crosses those lines.
49. During courtship you should clear the air about his expectation of your submission vs. your submissive spirit dedicated to supporting him. To submit is to follow his will as he directs it. However, you also have free will. You should reject his concept of submission and offer your alternative of a submissive spirit. To be submissive follows his will but is tempered by his recognizing and accommodating your interest and need.
50. Explain this difference to him and don’t allow him to change the arrangement. You have a submissive spirit that seeks to follow his lead in relationship, family, and home matters. It doesn’t mean automatic submission to his will over yours. You don’t or won’t accept what’s imposed upon you arbitrarily. But you will accept the same thing if it flows out of some form of negotiation or advance notice that invites your input. Certain decisions are his to make because he’s directly responsible for the results. Without including wife as advisor or worthy of advance notice, he can too easily demote her dignity as partner and carry an attitude of expectation that suggests she’s his slave.
Men wear submission as a biblical right, when it’s only a matter of privilege. While they deserve the role, they don’t deserve the honor without involving their wives. I describe the female authority in my book, Where Did All the Good Men Go? Chapter 8 describes both the female right and role, which are far different from masculine claims.