51. You can make few more important investments of yourself than to promote trust and respect with his family. Don’t deal with them through him unless he objects. Deal directly, which keeps him out of the middle and line of fire, but use indirectness as politically practicable. [Tactic suggested by Sharonwithmaryandmartha at 2297]
52. Building a satisfying relationship is good and far superior in his mind than you trying to make everything perfect. You can and should learn to live with faulty management, even your own as long as you try to improve it.
53. She wants to be more fully understood and can’t keep her mouth shut. By explaining and complaining so he will hopefully respond more to her liking, she hopes to convince him that she’s more important than he acts. It’s not a good strategy. He only wants to know her well enough first to conquer and then to live pleasantly with her doing whatever he expects at the moment. Sex, eat, TV, chit chat, job talk, etcetera, or perhaps just leave him alone. What he figures out about her is far more important and believable than what she tells him about herself. IOW, her nature pushes her to talk; his nature pushes him to hear only what’s important to his interests.
54. Squabble-prevention is key to preventive maintenance. Here’s a reminder checklist.
- Cooperation compliments each other. Men aren’t natural cooperators with their wives; they have to be taught.
- Competition challenges one or the other or both. Men avoid competition with their wives, and it earns blame for her.
- Too loose lips irritate the masculine nature.
- Blame inflames; that pointy finger also both stinks and points retro after a while.
- Argument is counterproductive as it invites male dominance to arise from sleep that the relationship expert should be inducing routinely.
- Patience reduces tension if it’s her patience and his tension.
- Discretion shows respect, and she can never get enough.
- Loving silence about important things nags, but the indirectness of her patience and wants make such nagging acceptable.
- Gratefulness seals a deal to the extent it’s mutual.
- Respect lets him defend her; her trust of him and his respect of her.
- When self outweighs Us, he or she generates poor family leadership.
- Trying to change him discredits her judgment; he expects her to know better than to try to change him.
- Two captains in one ship leads to mutiny; one has to decide that the other has ultimate authority or the ship runs aground or sinks.
- Tact works like WD-40 on a rusty hinge. Tact is also called the Vasoline of social intercourse.
- Interrelationship progress stops with loss of temper—enough said.
- Submissiveness is an attitude of gratitude, whichever way it flows.
- More than understanding, mutual gratefulness balances her affection deficit disorder and his affection delivery
- Feminine brightens his day. As one woman put it, femininity adds color to a man’s B&W world. [Alison A. Armstrong, Keys to the Kingdom, p.151]
- People respect those who are different, unique, and powerful within themselves. Her power thrust in his face offends, whereas well-controlled internal strength is admired.
- Loss of virginity, devotion, and marriage are recoverable. People make so many mistakes that recovery is everything. (Details in posts titled Virtual Virginity.)
- She’s a keeper, once she learns how to keep him.
- Hook up but no call? Moved in but no joy? Married but no peace? Then change herself, because men don’t or won’t.
- Women are the maintenance experts, men go along to get a smooth and maintenance-free ride.
- Learn the difference: Self interest motivates everyone. Self-centeredness motivates you. Us-centeredness motivates both. Her selfishness de-motivates him and vice versa.
- Feminism sours his day; he senses blame as coming automatically from the ‘enemy’.
- Her attacks unsettle his day; it forces him to respond competitively which he seeks to avoid by relying on male dominance or just escaping her presence.
55. If she’s never satisfied with him or things in their life together, it drives his thoughts to other options. Their wedding signals that she is satisfied with him, so dissatisfaction means she has changed and is no longer the woman he married.