Women have oversold and over-convinced themselves that love conquers all. Not so and not even close,* even in the raising of children. Love as primary theme is Christian and very effective at producing a female-friendly culture and society. But for individuals, love alone isn’t enough. A woman’s love won’t capture or keep a man unless its accompanied by many other appealing connections. It’s much the same with successfully raising kids.
A. Phases.I have developed ‘rules’ for five phases of raising a child: infant, toddler, ‘tween’ (first grade to puberty), teen, and super-teen (18-21).
B. Caveat. We’ve long thought that parents have the greatest influence in shaping the personality of offspring. Not so. It’s been recently disproved in favor of other associates and peers having the most influence. However, parents have first dibs, exclusive opportunity to guide and encourage development of the character side of personality. It’s teachable and kids minds are more malleable before puberty. Develop good character before puberty and sibling and peer choices don’t carry as much weight. Well-embedded character strengths such unselfishness, fairness, moral rightness, and trying to achieve integrity motivate children to resist change toward less desirable personality traits.
C. Self. Happiness for women and significance for men begins with the most critical factor in shaping each person’s life—that is, opinion of self. Everyone’s position on the spectrum from self-love to self-hatred determines how their lives will progress and turn out.
It’s how well they like themselves. First, as a person, which is determined in infancy as self-esteem.** Second, as a male or female, which is determined in the toddler years as part of their self-image. Third, according to their various roles in life, self-worth develops in the tweens. Subsequently, self-worth combines with self-image and both are refined in the teens. Then, both are confirmed in super-teens and managed thereafter.
The final result is how well they like themselves as an adult. Self-esteem as a person, self-image as man or woman, self-worth as member of family, society, and whatever else they choose to do. The resulting belief of who, what, and how valuable they are determines their behavior, which determines how easily or difficult women reach for mating and find happiness and men find or don’t find significance by earning daily satisfaction.
Consequently, the ‘rules’ that follow tomorrow enhance mother love and produce better adults out of good children—without trying to raise good children but good adults. It shows mothers how to enhance their love instead of relying solely on maternal feelings.
* The concept was born with teen revolutionaries in the Sixties. Those who threw away parental guidance and tradition. So intent to ‘do their own thing’ and shift into meaningless sex, they came to call love the everything of life. It spread and Feminism took away the remainder of rational thought for dealing with men, which then overflowed into the maternal world.
**Self-esteem remains unchangeable in life. However, a consciously determined part of self-image is self-like, which changes temporarily and can change permanently.