2331. Suggestions for Raising Children — Part V

Tactical Parenting: Mutual Interest

The primal motivation for showing respect is momentary interest in someone more than oneself. If one has no sincere interest in someone else, whatever respect they are expected to show leaves them contemptuous of being forced to do what they don’t want to do.

Examples: 1) You think your boss is dumb, but he speaks, you listen and do what he says and then spout your ill feelings to your spouse. Lack of interest in the boss’ competence generates signs but not respect, which means lack of mutual interest prevents mutual respect. 2) Your child perceives that you unfairly favor siblings. He does as you say but finds ways to release his bad feelings, perhaps on a weaker sibling. Thus, lack of mutual interest translates into lack of mutual respect. 3) You don’t discipline fairly as the child perceives it. He follows orders but plots not to get caught the next time. His lack of respect sprouts from lack of interest in your ability to be fair. (Children have an instinctive and remarkable ability to determine fairness and equal is never fair because personalities and interests are never equal.)

As this series continues you will find tactics that tend to hold a child’s interest in parental interests, which more easily earns respect and makes for more effective parenting. It works like this: Child wants to hear what parent has to say or do because it makes the child feel good just to hear or see it. Of course it doesn’t always work that way, but you get the picture. Unless routinely turned off by mom or dad, child wants to follow parental guidance but dodge or reduce parental discipline. It’s their self-development nature and more dynamically charged against guidance with boys than girls.

That which follows tends to earn and keep a child’s interest tuned to parental interest, which opens doors for mutual respect to form and accumulate. Tactical parenting for infants and toddlers follow next at 2332.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, marriage, Sociology 101

3 responses to “2331. Suggestions for Raising Children — Part V

  1. Maddie

    Dear Sir Guy
    This series is truly spot on. So insightful.

    Your Highness Maddie,
    I love it when pretty women say such things.

  2. Meow Meow

    When I was little I remember my mom’s presence—constantly helping me read, learn to cook, sew, do crafts….tirelessly changing diapers (Had me at 23 and 2 more sisters followed a few years later), math, etc. When I became a teenager, it was my dad who stepped in—we went canoeing, hiking, discovering backwoods paths, going to museums and watching old movies together. Looking back I love the way they tag-teamed—it just seemed natural. As the domestic world became too small my dad was there to lead me the next step of the way and show me a little bit of the world. Even today I am amazed at how they each used their best skills to raise their daughters. I don’t think it was planned that way—a dad might not feel interested or capable when their kids are young, but then step in later when they sense they have something to offer. If mom will let them and trust them to do it! That same dynamic seems to be playing out with my own daughter as well—so many photographs in my scrapbooks of just us two playing and exploring and reading together, but now its Dad who can take her places—surfing, bicycling etc. that I can’t easily go by myself, and I’m grateful for it!

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