Tactical Parenting: Guidance
It’s the wife and not the mother who keeps the father living in their home.
Mothers instinctively know what’s best for those they birth. Fathers don’t. So why press them into service so easily resented by men, which pressures them against their interest to always show competence? (Women have many excuses and reasons, but are they worth the end result—abandonment so often?)
Why add the pressure of masculine incompetency caring for infants and toddlers to everyday marital pressures? Men have little intuitive much less instinctive skill for caring for small children.
Men are enabled to shine later, however. They emerge as leaders when kids reach relative independence as tweens. Before that, men can only look like poor substitutes for mother, which makes them play second fiddle, which turns them against paying the allegiance to mother and child that mothers expect, which turns wife against husband, which tends to strain marital bonding, which weakens compatibility, which turns husband to look for a more complimentary relationship elsewhere.
Men marry their wives for who they are rather than the mothers their wives can, will, or do become. When mother-role supersedes wife-role as queen bee, it undermines husband’s kingly rank because wife bows to motherly pressures instead of tending first to wifely duties.
So, that which follows is mostly addressed to mothers. If they try to make, shame, or force their husbands to perform the same way described later in this series, they add pressures that tend to separate wife from husband. Motherly excuses about equal duty or her work overload don’t change the male nature. Men are much better fathers when they do it voluntarily, especially with infants and toddlers.
Motherly encouragement of infants and toddlers follows next.