Tactical Parenting: Encouraging Teens and Super-teens
Teens: As described earlier in the series, it works best to nurture toddlers and lead tweens. After that, from start up of puberty to age 18, coaching works best.
This part applies to both sexes but mostly about boys and exclusive of sex. Part XI will continue next and primarily aim at girls and sex.
The nature of children late in upbringing is pretty simple. They think they are adult-equivalents capable of logical and well-reasoned decisions. We call what we see as immaturity, but they can’t admit it.
Because they resist parental influence in favor of peer approval, the best way to handle them is trust them as mature as possible within parental limits. Of course it’s risky, but parental pressure for them to change is even more risky. In their minds, they are fully developed as they emerge puberty. Their sense of self-development ends there; they have ‘arrived’ and know how to live their lives.
I only have a few suggestions, because I don’t examine how teens act today but the way they are born alike.
- The essence of coaching is leading by example, hinting at options, and attracting the admiration of those being coached.
- Don’t try to nurture teens, especially boys. They take it as being treated as infants. Girls can use some nurturing after being traumatized.
- In the teen psyche, directions to do this and do that are not far removed from nurturing.
- Teens are convinced they are equivalent of adults but not as endowed as they deserve with the things they need: e.g., money, influence, people to listen, and endorsement that they do right. If not available from parents, they reach for it from peers.
- Out of the certainty that they are right and deserve better just for who they are springs their breadth of aspirations and intensity of ambitions. It can easily take them into destructive behaviors, as determined by the governing control of their self-image and self-like developed since their third year in life.
- Respect for parents—developed earlier in childhood—has the greatest influence on guiding teen ambitions toward mature and adult-like objectives. Lack of both respect and desire to please parents opens opportunity for immature and destructive behavior. But you know all that, and parents discover it after it’s too late. They didn’t pay the price to have a good teen. They didn’t inculcate mutual respect throughout the family and help the child develop a healthy self-image beginning in toddlerhood.
- Teens can’t face their immaturity because it makes them feel bad. WADWMUFGAO and so teens experiment to feel and like themselves better. It’s the root of 1) reaching for immediate gratification in and often overdoing sex, crime, violence, and drugs. 2) Finding inability to feel good and reaching to end one’s life.
Coaching displays trust and respect that uplifts them in such ways that they pay attention to coaches—as long as boys don’t have to acknowledge that’s what they’re doing, especially to peers. Parental patience, guile, and dedication to preserving teen dignity are great internal linings for the shoulder pads of coaching.
Super-teens: From age 18 to 21, it’s the final stage of abandoning adolescent values, standards, and expectations. Parental coaching becomes more trustworthy when advice is sought before offered.
I recently stumbled onto a teen porn site. Two to three dozen 18-year olds in action on the open and advertisement home screen. My first thought was of their humiliated fathers. My second was how immaturity allows stupidity. My third was the promotion of penis envy among men and how size is almost meaningless to females except in their imagination and as promoted by men. My fourth was of those immature girls building miserable futures as their financial worth fades with age. My fifth was of porn men losing all respect for females and later trying to raise daughters with self-respect. My sixth was to quickly conclude that the porn lobby was the primary mover behind the 26th Amendment. It gave 18 y/o the right to vote, escape minority status, and become legally eligible for exploitation before porn cameras. We as a supposedly civilized society are so f’ing gullible.
I just got too personally involved. Don’t know how I will handle it yet, but the last in this series will deal with girls and sex in childhood. May take more than a day to do it, so tomorrow may be an empty day.