Tactical Parenting: Encouraging Sexual Restraint in Teen Girls
We interrupt this regular broadcast to bring you some exciting news.
It happened over great and unique pizza at the Pies and Pints in Fayetteville, WV.
A delightful young lady, Nathacha, inspired the following. It’s a shortcut to raising girls the natural way. Especially if mom can get a good start and practice it well before first grade. After that it takes more patience, tolerance, and far more mom-determination. But it should work as the preferred way to raise girls even if only achieved part time.
It’s based on the nature of females, specifically the following traits
- Girls, even toddlers, are immature adults in miniature. Being self-developers, they see that adults have more freedom to do as they please, and so toddlers expect to be treated similarly.
- Females live by their ears. They believe what they hear much easier than what they see and what they figure out much easier than even what they hear.
- Harsh words hurt but kind words lift the female spirit. Females are willing to work hard to avoid the harshness from those with whom they associate either by birth or choice.
- Girls and even toddlers want very naturally to know what mom thinks and is thinking. It’s how they learn about life and the woman they aspire to become.
- Females read each other very well. What they figure out for themselves is more reliable even than what someone else intends them to think.
- Females want to please others of their choosing. Girls don’t have to be disciplined, just gently informed—no, not informed, just nudged—that they are not doing right. So long, that is, that they respect mom.
- Girls respect mom to the extent that mom shows love and dodges harshness even when the child knows it’s due. Mom’s easy forgiveness and forgetfulness reinforces child’s respect every time she’s the object of it.
- Mother-love is the natural suppressor of short-temper with a child. Sense of caring for others is the natural suppressor of becoming frustrated with those one cares for. Continual focus on brightening her future generates mom’s understanding of the problems of those around her.
Yelling, screaming, arguing, demanding, and criticizing are all harsh, whether aimed at child or others. Toddlers are not only capable but amiable about accepting and following mom’s silence about her displeasure. Mom need not utter or scream harsh words. A dirty look or stare is enough for even a toddler.
If toddler doesn’t know what she did wrong, she has a conscious mind capable of doing some simple reasoning. Her female nature encourages her to explore what mom means with every action and word. It makes the child teach herself to identify what mom expects, what pleases and displeases her.
It puts the girl in the position of trying to live up to someone bigger and higher than she, which makes us all better people when we do it. IOW, to live for yourself second relative to those you love or choose, is to learn how to please them and vice versa. (Living up to mom’s expectations is a hallmark of Western civilization, and girls have to do it or boys and men won’t.)
Consequently, a harsh look enters the eyes instead of ears and has an opposite effect and better results for both mom and child.
When a conscientious mom is displeased, she takes it personally; she’s not doing right herself (guilt complex). Mom expects to look good to herself and child is a direct reflection. I propose that silence with a harsh look is the best way to train young girls.
P.S. Called out of town. I owe responses to Maddy and Surfercajun’s as yet unposted comment. Guy