2340. Suggestions for Raising Children — Part XIV

Tactical Parenting: Encouraging Sexual Restraint in Teen Girls

We interrupt this regular broadcast to bring you some exciting news.

It happened over great and unique pizza at the Pies and Pints in Fayetteville, WV.

A delightful young lady, Nathacha, inspired the following. It’s a shortcut to raising girls the natural way. Especially if mom can get a good start and practice it well before first grade. After that it takes more patience, tolerance, and far more mom-determination. But it should work as the preferred way to raise girls even if only achieved part time.

It’s based on the nature of females, specifically the following traits

  1. Girls, even toddlers, are immature adults in miniature. Being self-developers, they see that adults have more freedom to do as they please, and so toddlers expect to be treated similarly.
  2. Females live by their ears. They believe what they hear much easier than what they see and what they figure out much easier than even what they hear.
  3. Harsh words hurt but kind words lift the female spirit. Females are willing to work hard to avoid the harshness from those with whom they associate either by birth or choice.
  4. Girls and even toddlers want very naturally to know what mom thinks and is thinking. It’s how they learn about life and the woman they aspire to become.
  5. Females read each other very well. What they figure out for themselves is more reliable even than what someone else intends them to think.
  6. Females want to please others of their choosing. Girls don’t have to be disciplined, just gently informed—no, not informed, just nudged—that they are not doing right. So long, that is, that they respect mom.
  7. Girls respect mom to the extent that mom shows love and dodges harshness even when the child knows it’s due. Mom’s easy forgiveness and forgetfulness reinforces child’s respect every time she’s the object of it.
  8. Mother-love is the natural suppressor of short-temper with a child. Sense of caring for others is the natural suppressor of becoming frustrated with those one cares for. Continual focus on brightening her future generates mom’s understanding of the problems of those around her.

Yelling, screaming, arguing, demanding, and criticizing are all harsh, whether aimed at child or others. Toddlers are not only capable but amiable about accepting and following mom’s silence about her displeasure. Mom need not utter or scream harsh words. A dirty look or stare is enough for even a toddler.

If toddler doesn’t know what she did wrong, she has a conscious mind capable of doing some simple reasoning. Her female nature encourages her to explore what mom means with every action and word. It makes the child teach herself to identify what mom expects, what pleases and displeases her.

It puts the girl in the position of trying to live up to someone bigger and higher than she, which makes us all better people when we do it. IOW, to live for yourself second relative to those you love or choose, is to learn how to please them and vice versa. (Living up to mom’s expectations is a hallmark of Western civilization, and girls have to do it or boys and men won’t.)

Consequently, a harsh look enters the eyes instead of ears and has an opposite effect and better results for both mom and child.

When a conscientious mom is displeased, she takes it personally; she’s not doing right herself (guilt complex). Mom expects to look good to herself and child is a direct reflection. I propose that silence with a harsh look is the best way to train young girls.


P.S. Called out of town. I owe responses to Maddy and Surfercajun’s as yet unposted comment. Guy


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, marriage

8 responses to “2340. Suggestions for Raising Children — Part XIV

  1. Kristiane

    I can attest to this method.
    My mother is like this and it was very effective for me. This post is a confirmation of how I would like to parent my future children one day. Your last post on sexual restraint for girls was just as reminiscent as well. My grandmother taught me this and it has been continually confirmed through my own experiences. I am a very sensitive woman, so I know once I connect with my future spouse in a physical manner it will be a strong emotional bond. This is one of the main reason I chose the path of chastity, not just for my future marriage, but for my own emotional health. I don’t know how you do it Sir Guy! You continually hit the nail on the head with your posts. Eagerly awaiting more lessons to learn.

    Your Highness Kristiane,

    You say, “I am a very sensitive woman, so I know once I connect with my future spouse in a physical manner it will be a strong emotional bond.”

    Don’t bet your future on it. Sex does not bond men. How sex plays a relationship role in a man is described throughout the blog. Probably the best are the “Virtual Virginity” series and articles with ‘virgin’ in the title. They will give you a different and more meaningful view of the real world.


    • anon...

      I think, even if a woman isn’t sensitive, she is. It could be a reason so many of us are on antidepressants today.

      Your Highness Anon…,
      Depression is caused by a sense of insufficient control over your life. If money is part of the cause, I suggest articles 1614 and 1615.

      • surfercajun

        I have known one woman seemed like she could CHOOSE to be happy but chose the pills because she thought it was easier.

        Is it just me, or does it seem like the more medication one is on, the meaner one is? Perhaps it is just bitterness that’s talking. I can’t figure it out.

        Your Highness Surfercajun,
        You could be right about the “meaner one is.” We’re not born but made that way. And pills can do the job as well as poor upbringing.

        • My Husband's Wife

          Surfercajun, I’ve seen the same thing with many on antidepressant medication. Apathetic emotional response also happens in some. I know of one girl who has been now on 7 different psych meds, looking for the “right” one. I also don’t think one can discount diet and the effects on the mind. Our diet needs “brain food” — not empty colories.

    • Kristiane

      Oh no I didn’t mean for him.
      I meant for me. I know that I will bond emotionally after our wedding night especially since for me I am very particular in who touches me anyway. I should have been more concise in my wording.
      Sorry for the mix up Sir Guy

      Your Highness Kristiane,
      No sorry, sweetheart. I just wanted to make sure you’d hadn’t missed that critical point somewhere along the line.

  2. surfercajun

    Reading this article makes me think of a time in which I was upset with my then 3 year old daughter……

    daughter: Mom, I love you.

    me: I love you too, but I am still upset with you.

    daughter: (frowning cause she thought it would win her brownie points and I would no longer be upset with her.)

    Also…..as I was mopping my kitchen I thought

    1. How do parents handle their girl being *boy crazy*?
    2. Do parents contribute to this boy crazy phase or is it adolescent peer presser?

    3. Had a separate question on parent and child relationships but wanted to wait and see if your answer satisfied my question.

    Thanks for the heads up your ps. 🙂

    Your Highness Surfercajun,

    1. You prevent it. Once it starts your hands are pretty tied.

    2. It’s mostly peer pressure and peers are more influential with personality development than parents.

    I’m working on an article about preventing ‘boy crazy’ and early sexual adventuring, but it requires starting in toddlerhood.


    • MLaRowe

      I’ll be interesting in that article about dealing with being boy crazy. Right now it does not seem to be out of control but let me tell you there is a lot of romance that seems to start in 4th grade.

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