2366. — Advisory for Men #03


21. If you marry for sex, it will probably end not too long after romantic love fades in a year or two. If you marry for everything but sex, you may have found a woman good enough for you and vice versa.

22. If you can’t find a good woman, you’re looking for the wrong thing. Suggestion: Look for modesty, femininity, moral values, monogamous interest, preference for marriage over professional life, likeable but non-bossy personality to whom you can be loyal. Then guess if she’s good enough to look at when relaxed around the house. Let those scientific wild-ass guesses energize you to take matters forward.

23. A woman’s ‘good’ switch isn’t turned on until some man—on whom she’s taken a chance—switches it ON. Even then she worries constantly if he’s good enough for her. So, you’re also to be tested.

24. It takes several years of successful marriage to a potentially good man to uncover and switch a woman’s ‘perfect’ to ON. The only perfect woman is the one who makes herself that way by pleasing you into pleasing her continually.

25. The “perfect” wife is never visible until you’ve given of yourself long enough toward marital success for her to appreciate what a good choice she made. Even then, “perfect” is qualified with quote marks. You can’t get past “good” until your golden years when you may rate an “excellent” in her eyes, but it’s worth your effort if you can achieve it.

26. You want to be respected by her? The quicker and more indelibly you show respect and affection, the better and sooner she returns what you like to see as respect and dependence on you. God helped men this way: He gave all the chocolate to men so they could get their woman’s attention. Of course, chocolate as cited here is symbolic of anything that pleases your woman.

27. She will depend on you only to the extent that she can meld her dependence harmoniously into your life together. No harmony to generate, less dependence on you. She’s the relationship expert and only as competent as she can harmonize your relationship. Less competence means less self-respect and self-love, which means she has less of both in her heart to share with you.

28. You think you know what cheating is? You’re ignorant about this, so you should find out from your girlfriend, fiancé, bride, or wife just what it means to her: emotionally unfaithful.

29. If you expect her not to cheat physically on you, figure out the probability before you marry based on her protection of her sexual assets. Then charm her with your fidelity into being faithful to you.

30. If you won’t honor her desire to delay first sex together, what kind of honor are you likely to show her after marriage? A wife not honored won’t rise up to become a very good wife. Where’s the incentive, if you’re not worth pleasing?

8 Comments

Filed under courtship, feminine, marriage, sex differences

8 responses to “2366. — Advisory for Men #03

  1. “The “perfect” wife is never visible until you’ve given of yourself long enough toward marital success for her to appreciate what a good choice she made.”

    This is a really good point. Men make their wives, if they lead well, they bring out the best in us, like a dance. Finding someone already made and perfect is probably not going to happen. I think it would be far better to focus on making yourself into somebody a girl would want to marry.

    “If you marry for sex, it will probably end not too long after romantic love fades in a year or two.”

    This made me laugh. Sexual feelings ebb and flow and change, but romance need not fade, attraction doesn’t have to go away! Men who are usually so good at compartmentalizing and separating things, often equate sexuality with romance, and while they are entwined, they are not just the same thing. So yes, it is not a good idea to marry for sex, but the honeymoon need not end, the attraction doesn’t have to fade, it needs to evolve. Put delicately, it may transform from quantity to quality, but I suspect that many happily married people are having more sex and enjoyment than single people, which runs contrary to some popular memes which suggest that marriage is going to be the end of our sex life.

  2. Well said, Sir Guy–especially the part about the chocolate!

  3. MT

    Again, very good points. #24 especially.

    My husband’s bachelor friend once came over for dinner. After the meal, he declared he needed a girlfriend to do the things for him that I do for my husband. I informed him there was no way I would care for my husband if I was only his girlfriend!

    I see this as pretty common complaint among single or perpetually dating men. They don’t understand why the women in their lives do not care for them in the same manner as a wife who has been married for years!

    • ari

      MT,
      Great response! I am going to remember this, know a few bachelors and perpetual daters who probably think wife and gf are the same thing. Smart women know it is not the same. 🙂

  4. Some Other Guy

    These are all really good Sir Guy.
    #21 if you marry for sex…. If you date long enough before getting married, you won’t marry for sex alone.

    #24 and 25: You don’t marry the perfect mate. You train them to be perfect for you. It takes time and patience and of course lots of TLC.

  5. Meow Meow

    28 and 29 go together….physical cheating is worse then emotional cheating I think for both sexes. Fidelity/faith works both ways….Getting other bodies involved cracks the privacy of marriage in a way that is profoundly difficult to recover. And a wife cheated on has far less incentive to hold back from the next fella that walks by with a look that seems meant just for her….we ladies still get a lot of those even after we get married!

  6. Meggrz

    What I love about this series so far is that it removes a lot of the subtle stress this blog and similar ones induce.

    Swinging from trying to hold myself to the modern ideal of a strong, independent woman who doesn’t mind being sexy, and tolerates lukewarm prospects for the sake of being ‘easygoing’ and ‘fun,’ to trying to hold myself to the ideal of being a feminine, nurturing, modest woman who isn’t afraid of having high standards and building the relationship she wants, is an exercise in exhaustion.

    The fact that much of the advice you give for men is the same as what for women – like don’t expect to find a perfect spouse walking around tied up with a bow, and flatter or reward the traits you most want to see developed – is kind of a relief.

    In short, thank goodness I DON’T have to be the perfect wife from day one in order to land a Mr. Good Enough.

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