2370. Advisory for Men #05c


49. Beware! You don’t hear it much but it exists all over. “I don’t like being a woman because I have to do things that you as a man don’t have to do. I want to have your freedom to do more as I please rather than have all these obligations I have for other people.” IOW, the green-eyed monsters of jealousy and envy, both of which are abilities in the female nature and normally reserved for use against female competitors. Those that use jealousy and envy against men can’t seem to get what they want, and it’s another cause of why they don’t like themselves in the first place. (More later about women disliking themselves.)

50. You are not always the ideal role model. Your sons will want to duplicate you MOSTLY if their mother holds you up as her hero and ideal role model. Daughters will want to duplicate your wife MOSTLY if you confirm what girls sense about their mother and you hero-ize your wife as a near-perfect person, woman, and wife. Your kids will judge her favorably as mother, after they see you grateful for her being so valuable in all her roles—friend, wife, lover, nurturer, attractive beauty, coach, common sense counselor, clear-headed advisor, fair judge of character, frugal spender, mature adult, et. al. (Contrary  to what women think, her unbridled love and nurturing isn’t what wins her child’s love.)

 

5 Comments

Filed under courtship, marriage, nurturing

5 responses to “2370. Advisory for Men #05c

  1. Sharon

    When I find myself feeling like that (#49), I realize that I need to work smarter, let go of the “poor-me-I-work-all-the-time” attitude, PLAN for time to relax, and wisely say “no” to extra, energy-draining activity, whether on my own list or from others.

    With #50, I consider my own mother, still living. After my father’s accidental death at a young age (early 30’s), my mother raised us six kids (ages 2 to 11 at the time), not re-marrying for ten years. She was very nurturing and did everything she could to give us a happy, normal childhood, i.e. cooking nutritious meals, maintaining holiday traditions, taking us to picnics at the lake, welcoming our friends around the supper table, attending our school activities. There was almost no life insurance, so of course, she also had had to get a job. My admiration for her continues to grow with the passing of each year. Your comments here cause me to affirm those universal, admirable qualities: coach, common-sense counselor, frugal spender (but so generous with time, and often, tangible gifts, too), and STEADFASTNESS to duty, motivated by love and a sense that you just need to do right.

    • Meow Meow

      Sharon, your mom sounds brave and delightful. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for your family at times, but I hope if such a terrible tragedy came to pass, we all could find the ability to step up to the plate in such an admirable way!

  2. Meow Meow

    Re 49—even if well- prepared by one’s mom, its often a shock to young girls how puberty can seem like a betrayal by one’s own body. Once not so different from boys and able to play and keep up with them, body issues develop—sometimes crippling pain, mood swings and general anxiety during periods; center of gravity/balance changing as breasts and hips grow; suddenly not being able to keep up with boys’ speed and strength and the disappointment and sometimes fear that goes along with that. Girls and women go through so many physical/emotional challenges on a daily basis that boys don’t have to think twice about and it is easy sometimes to imagine how much simpler it would be to be a man. Even though my own mother tried to prepare me and I tried to prepare my daughter for these changes it was and is an immense challenge. Then of course there is the toughest one of all—-trying to act like a lady, like all this doesn’t affect you!

    Your Highness Meow Meow,

    Nice description of part of the process by which females reinforce their tougher and superior gender roles. The mental strength thus developed adds to each woman’s relationship expertise. It helps harden-up the irresistible force that she’s born with to move the immovable objects we know as the dominant sex.

    Succeeding with lady-like behavior seals the deal of her remaining in control of her life with boys and later with men as she chooses.

    Girlhood dreams before and overcoming emotional upheavals during puberty shape the female character with courage and other attributes to demand what’s right out of a mate, which is to help a woman fulfill her girlhood hopes and dreams.

    Guy

  3. Femme

    Sir Guy,
    in other words, the masculine strength should be utilized to help the feminine need to create and protect life?
    It seems that recently it’s the other way round.
    I also have a problem with the male expectation that the woman a guy marries doesn’t change… Is it possible to stay the same our whole lives?
    How are we expected not to change as we mature when nothing on this Earth stays the same? (life cycle, change of season, etc.)

    Your Highness Femme,

    “It seems that recently it’s the other way round.” I agree.

    Of course people change. There’s a difference in the aging and maturation processes of which you cite and personality changes that impact relationship so dramatically.

    Men marry expecting wife not to change and expecting her to remain the woman he married. That’s what he ‘paid for’ and that’s what he expects. They also have a natural resistance to being changed by a woman; dominance has its inbred resistance, because change reduces ability to dominate.

    Women marry expecting to change to make their relationship work and fit her dreams of what their marriage should be. Husbands resist such pressure, when it’s direct.
    Given decades of indirectness with virtually no pressure to change, men become what their wives expect, if wives are talented, skilled, and patient enough to make it happen.

    Guy

  4. Femme

    Dear Sir Guy,
    in view of what you said above (and my own experience during marriage, actually) I can see the importance of a long courtship and vetting especially by the woman.
    However, it seems to me that very often women tend to do the opposite.
    We tend to want to catch a guy and make him commit first and worry about everything later – based on the faith that we can change him. Or we marry him not because we are crazy about him exactly the way he is but because he asked and we don’t want to disappoint him. Something tells me our grandmothers knew better.
    That that approach doesn’t work I have found out many times over I just didn’t know WHY it didn’t work. .
    Now I understand that it wasn’t that my man was particularly difficult, he was just being a guy and guys DON’T CHANGE.
    Again, thank you for spreading this knowledge 🙂

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