2374. Advisory for Men #08

71. Even though you don’t appreciate unearned gifts, women do. Actually they expect them frequently as reminders of their importance to you. Timeliness is next to Godliness when it comes to pleasing a woman. When she’s down, she needs some sort of recognition of her importance THEN. And nothing works better than you reinforcing her importance to YOU.

72. You always do or try to do your best and don’t deserve blame except on the matter of breaking marriage vows. You’re a very admirable character reflective of a good man. Be grateful for whoever taught you that valuable trait.

73. The prettier she makes herself, the more she likes herself, which frees her to focus on your interests more than her own.

74. Remind yourself frequently that a woman needs opportunity and it seems to be an endless time to groom and primp. Every female is born knowing that she’s pretty. It’s the foundation of her personality, and must be preserved at all costs. She does it for herself but you benefit.

75. Women desire mindful lovemaking when her man uses his big head to outweigh his little head. It brings out more deliberate care for her than just plain old ordinary little head sex. It consists of gentle holding, caressing, venturesome touching of erogenous zones, no impatience, lengthy foreplay, and intimate after-play. Intercourse is far more important to you than her except with intent to create a baby. All that is her conviction; everyone knows you have a more urgent need echoing from little-head love-making.

76. Gentlemen, I worked indirectly under Ross Perot’s leadership and his motto was “Up front, blunt, and candid.” So I close this series on that vein.

Men are not the lovers they presume. Sticking Willie where he ought to go isn’t love-making in the female world. Love-making to women is gentleness more than poking, purposeful slowness more than quick fumbling, intimacy more than orgasms. So, what is intimacy?

Great love-making depends on one thing. The longer she spends caught up, growing excited, and ‘vibrating’ vulnerably in the emotional uplift between initial physical contact and climax, the greater is the love-making.

The true and intimate value of love-making is her highly charged up process of getting to the end, namely orgasm. The time spent between his stimulation and her climax is her primary expectation for sex, the intimacy she craves. IOW, being deeply aroused, staying, and dragging it out before (each) climax is the ultimate intimacy and her primary incentive for sex in the first place. Not orgasms nearly as much as continuous arousal.

That applies to foreplay and intercourse. After-play is more important than intercourse to her. Intimacy afterward means a different arousal. It’s a confirming spirit that comes from closeness, holding, caressing, snuggling and similar lingering actions that leave her with an aroused sense of how important she has just proven herself to be to her man.

Leaving her without such confirmation reveals masculine inadequacy. It may reveal that her man/lover is more grabber and jerker than considerate, more adolescent-minded than mature, more boy than man, or more talker than lover. He doesn’t truly know the woman he just poked, and he’s not nearly the man or lover he imagines himself to be.

But women are smart; they keep such opinions to themselves. They prefer to have a poor lover than do without a man who is better for many other things that are more important to a woman’s life. Sex to her is just duty—perhaps enjoyable, perhaps not—until someone provides the intimacy she craves.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, Her glory, marriage, sex differences

8 responses to “2374. Advisory for Men #08

  1. curlyblondy

    well! i guess i will be the one to put myself out there. feeling completely taken off guard. and go ahead and say how shockingly accurate and precise. mama mia

    Your Highness Curlyblondy,
    Thank you for the endorsement. I figured it a much bigger surprise than it seems to be registering.

  2. My Husband's Wife

    Dear Sir Guy, this one is interesting:
    76. Gentlemen, I worked under Ross Perot’s leadership and his motto was “Up front, blunt, and candid.” So how does this approach translate into marriage relationship?

    I personally like to hear straight up/no beating around the bush, honest language…however, I have trouble when the language is direct in the form of criticism/put downs. For example: just heard the story of a girl who didn’t do her assigned chore. The dad told her to go get off her lazy @$$! and do it. The grown daughter then hurled ugly insults back to dad. Then another gentleman hearing the story excused the dad saying, “That’s just how guys talk/are,” regarding talking to his daughter in that manner. (In the family example I mention, disrespect is abounding from and to all). It may be how they act, but I don’t believe how they should act…and neither family member is effective in getting the results they’re looking for: to be loved/respected.

    I’m finding that in both family life and in the workplace, neither men nor women know how to positively motivate others or deal effectively deal with someone who has dropped the ball. Leadership is fear-based which makes for both a depressing/hostile work environment and home. I’m also interested in your take on leadership in general as I sense that you have it figured out and so many of us women on WWNH delightfully and willfully follow you every day!

    P.S. I’m also intrigued by the fact that you worked under Ross Perot’s leadership. I believe he was right about NAFTA.

    Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,

    Para 1: I used “up front, blunt, and candid” as introduction to closing the series advising men. Not re marital relationship, although it can apply there if done as you cite in paragraph 2; i.e., leave blame and criticism out of it.

    Para 3: Re ‘fear-based’ leadership, it’s in the mind of the beholder as imagined based on the actions of the leader. A leader has to have sufficient authority to fulfill his responsibility. It does not follow that he has to use it to threaten better performance or to impose sanctions for poor performance or on a follower as sign for others to heed. Good leadership is based on adherence to principles of a higher order than the personalities involved.

    Para 4: More correctly I worked indirectly under Ross’ leadership. His dynamism promoted many principles so strongly that they flooded lower levels in EDS. Much of my leadership knowledge and practice developed after my experience at EDS. Example: He was great at promoting trust. His policy was spend company money as if it’s your own.


    P.S. I’m very interested in your opinion about the remainder of that item, #76.

  3. This isn’t really a topic I feel very comfortable talking about, and that may account for the thin response here, if others feel the same way. However, being a relatively anonymous forum to which men might find their way, and since there is so much bad information out there, I will put in my two cents.

    This is very accurate overall and would be an excellent starting point. I would only add that, as in all topics of romance and marriage, each woman longs to be “The One,” and not a stereotype, to her man. (Not that this article in any way implies a stereotype, but how easy it is for us to accidentally come up with them!)

    Part of what makes a man Mr. Good Enough is that he understands that The One is unique and not like the others–***and to him, every nuance of her preferences is worth discovering***. (If not, it probably isn’t a match…) In my view, finding out her preferences and treating her to them is really the heart of romancing a woman, if done in all sincerity. This adventure applies to all areas of courtship and marriage.

    A husband could not go wrong beginning here with an open mind.

    Your Highness Miss Gina,
    Thank you, darling. Well done. I knew that comments would be few, but I was hoping for at least what you have provided so clearly, that I’m not inaccurate.

  4. prettybeans

    Sir Guy,
    I think that perhaps I failed to pay much attention to #76 because it appears to be exclusively relevant for married folk and therefore I feel out of my depth here.

    But from my own experience and after observing others in the dating arena, I will say that I agree wholeheartedly with Lady Miss Gina on her comment about being ‘The One’ in the view of a Mr Good Enough and clearly observing him BEING SINCERE in taking every opportunity to discover every little nuance about the girl in whom he is interested and doing so SINCERELY.

    I’ve highlighted the sincere because it makes a world of difference. It is my view that sincerity really separates the wheat from the chaff because sincerity motivates one to patiently discover one’s lady beyond the dictates of the stereotypical ‘dinner and a movie’ playbook; not that there’s anything necessarily wrong with what has been working but every girl really does have her ‘own thing’ and in the long run, both in matters courtship and marital (and I think including lovemaking), happier is the man who genuinely, pleasantly and patiently takes his time to find it what his particular woman is all about.

    I recently met and briefly dated a chap who was near perfect on paper however I could not get past the niggling feeling that it was a play by play of the script in his head. Granted, he has little dating experience but from very early on he told me that ‘he has no time for casual female friendships and is focused on looking for a wife’ and so even though he was willing to go out of his way, wine and dine me, buy me lots of flowers (which I once mentioned I’m not a fan of)..etc, I constantly felt that he was doing all these things because he has heard it said that ‘these are the things that women like’. He is not at all a bad person but in the end I thought it wiser to respectfully but firmly free him to go find his wife – sadly his response and subsequent conduct has rather confirmed that he hadn’t much respect for me to begin with. (Incidentally, I’ve found it quite useful to observe how people generally handle rejection as this is a good pointer as to what’s going on with them)

    My point is that the lack of apparent sincerity and a concerted effort to find out what I am all about and what distinguishes me from all other ladies troubled me greatly because I am very well aware of what makes me different.

    We really do have to know that we are the apple of Good Enough’s eye. That’s just it

    Your Highness Prettybeans,
    Thank you, darling. You made me see the light and I’ve dropped the subject in order to please the ladies rather than informing the men.

  5. MLaRowe

    I sort of liked the last paragraphs (that have now been removed-?). They seemed to me to be accurate and promoting of a more humble attitude for men (humble doesn’t seem to be a natural state for most of the males I’m acquainted with).

  6. Some Other Guy

    This was a very good series Sir Guy. I am glad you went forward w/ it. Most valuable for me will be the item regarding blame and also #70. Not that I am prone to flying off the handle when blameworthy situations come up. More that I can turn a crappy situation into one that makes me look really really good to my wife, if I will more obviously let her off the hook when it happens.

    And for #70, I personally don’t like people buying me stuff. I have remember that females don’t think like that.

    Sir Some Other Guy,

    You may mean #71 as it deals with unearned gifts for men.

    As to “don’t like people buying me stuff,” I am the same and finally figured out why. Men seek functionality over fashion, what works over what looks good, what’s effective over what’s wasteful.

    Gifts from others seldom if ever matches the functionality us men purchase for ourselves. Appearance does not do work. Ergo, there’s a smidgen if not more waste than we care to put up with.

    Measured against our ideal for gaining benefit from a gift, those from women can appear senseless. It’s like trying to chew nails to show our appreciation before we throw the latest gift on the closet floor.

    The sexes differ. Women give gifts because it makes them feel good about themselves; functionality plays little or no part in their selections. Men give a gift because they know their woman can USE it; IOW it’s functional.

    We men learn to keep our mouths shut, just as women shut up about gifts they don’t appreciate.


    • Femme

      I hope I won’t come across as argumentative, but wouldn’t easy sex count as an unearned gift?

      Your Highness Femme,
      Your question rates a daily article in response. See 2477.

  7. Meow Meow

    Ha ha we ladies just LOVE gifts, even for NO REASON at all!
    Even if we don’t like it and tastefully give it to a friend or charity later. It’s the thought that counts—she is IMPORTANT to her man because he took the time to think about her and brings a gift as physical expression of that thought. Of course, a generic old vacuum cleaner or a new set of dishtowels may not bring the desired happiness…usually something that shows that you know our fave flower or personal tastes.

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