2383. And the Winner is…Miss Gina


At 2381 Miss Gina describes the impact of fellatio on relationships, and it’s more than worthy of this special posting as daily article. I seldom post two articles on the same day, but hers is worth it in both quality and relevance. Rather than try to comment on something that’s clear enough, I’ve bolded and italicized some immensely valuable concepts and phrasing in her response to another lady reader.

“Your Highness Miss Magnolia,

“I am interested in Sir Guy’s response, also. Maybe I can add a female perspective close in age to you (49). If we read Sir Guy’s response to Sir Some Other Guy closely, it is based on the male nature rather than generational influences. I’m not so sure our grandmothers and their grandmothers were so averse to sex as feminist thinking might have taught us…they ended up with those large families somehow! (wink, wink) My own grandma, at least, was no wilting violet, though she had great respect for the institution of marriage and didn’t blab like modern women sometimes do.

“I think we ladies are wise to avoid those things that–unbeknownst to us–may work against us with our men. Of course they *like* it…That doesn’t mean it’s in *our* interest. Men see everything from a different perspective than we do. Their world consists of ‘dominate or be dominated’.

“We ladies like to please and to give, but to a man, getting pleasure without earning it is domination, which is poison to their respect (love) for us. Even if there is what appears to *us* to be reciprocity in the act, there isn’t in *his* eyes. To him, it is being serviced. Maybe by a woman he cares about, even loves, yes, but it is still servicing. There is something fundamentally subservient about the woman being willing to do this for him, though it may be subliminal even to him. This has to do with the way men naturally view their physiology as an expression of their dominance, as Sir Guy so clearly explains in his comment above.

“It really isn’t about what we feel or what we want to give…It’s about giving him the chance step up and to earn self-admiration by being a great lover and *pleasing himself by pleasing her*.

“Scientific studies are showing now that the sexual act has powerful effects on forming neural pathways in the brain. So, sex actually sets patterns for the rest of life. True, face-to-face intercourse programs a man to regard his wife as an equal and to find his pleasure and significance in pleasing her. Men value what they earn.

“It all sounds backward from a female view, I know, but…(to put it bluntly), we don’t have the same hardwired need to subjugate the world with our plumbing that males do. If you’ve been around little boys for any amount of time, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. 😉

“We are wise to be aware and act accordingly. For myself, I’ve found that the less I try to please, the more pleasing I become. Do I condemn those who do differently? No. Am I saying it will ruin an otherwise excellent relationship? No…Just offering food for thought….”

EDITOR: Miss Gina, I would hope you’d develop a way—job or hobby—of teaching young girls about life. Your brilliance of understanding how people interact is sorely needed in the public arena. Sincerely, Guy

18 Comments

Filed under courtship, Her glory, marriage, sex differences, The mind

18 responses to “2383. And the Winner is…Miss Gina

  1. Danna Schriner

    Wow! Well done, Miss Gina—you tied up this whole topic together between men/women perfectly and I agree whole-heartedly. It makes me think of a Bible verse that says something to this effect: “everything is permissible, but not everything beneficial.”

  2. MLaRowe

    I’m truly impressed with Miss Gina’s approach to this rather difficult subject.

    I typically choose not to comment either way on sexually related matters but I appreciate other folks sharing and I’m learning more all the time whether I agree or not.

  3. gonemaverick

    very well written.

  4. Miss Gina

    Dear Sir Guy,

    I am extremely honored.

    Somehow, I muddled my way to understand some of this over the years, intuitively but very foggily. Your information here has confirmed my suspicions and explained the why’s and how’s. Not many men are giving away all the guy secrets (ha ha!).

  5. Stephanie

    I’m so glad I read this. For me it’s just gross and I don’t want to do it. I don’t like it done to me either. I like heart to heart sex. It’s more of a spiritual connection to me, but I was starting to believe I must be some kind of a freak or a prude at the very least. Not that it would make me change my mind on the subject even if I were. To each their own I’m not here to judge anyone’s preferences either. It’s just nice to hear something that isn’t saying I’m supposed to do it. There is even a Christian website called the marriage bed that says how important it is to do this for your husband. Not only that they say you should let him stick it down your neck and gag you with it. Gagging should not be part of sex! Sorry if this is too graphic it’s just very scary the expectations that porn is creating these days. I know my own Grandma cringed when she heard people do this. She thought it was disgusting! She had 9 kids and her and my grandpa were still getting frisky right up til the end. This was in their 90’s so they must have been doing something right and it wasn’t that. I love this website. I’m so glad to be able to apply the knowledge I’ve gained here into dating. Sadly I’m finding they just don’t make many men like my grandpa and Sir Guy anymore. To many men expect a free ride these days. It’s so unattractive!

  6. Maddy

    Hi Sir Guy, Miss Gina and ladies

    I have a question on related to sex that I hope you will not mind me asking.

    I’m yet to have children. When the time comes I am concerned that after child birth sex will not be the same because “I’m all stretched out” and possibly down there does not look the same as it did before.

    Would my husband be concerned? How can I prepare for this? Pelvic floor exercises?

    Would appreciate any advice!

    Maddy

    Your Highness Maddy,

    Don’t worry about it. These are my thoughts; Grace birthed three boys for us, first one at 8lb, 15oz.

    Determine and keep promising yourself that you will restore your tummy to its original shape and not one inch of cheating. Flatter is best. Also, I don’t think it’s critical but you might keep the lights out when stretch marks are exposed. Contrary to female thought and male braggadocio, tightness of entry is not desired. It’s deep thrusting that means most to men.

    Guy

    • Miss Gina

      Dearest Lady Maddy,

      Two cents from a lady and mom of 2…Zinc supplements in an “opti-zinc” (absorbable) form and Palmer’s Cocoa Butter cream also help prevent stretch marks. Yes, there are exercises. They are readily available on the internet and from most OB/GYN’s and nurses. I had midwives and doctors both…it was the midwives who had the most helpful information in this area, in my personal opinion.

      • Meow Meow

        One thing that really helps is to be in good shape before you have kids. Especially working on the abs/lower back area! Your body will then have good muscle memory to help return to normal as close as possible afterwards. Also although you never want to be anorexic and pregnant, it is usually not necessary to gain tremendous amounts of weight, I am in good shape and it was pretty much “9 months on, 9 months off” exactly. It might have been less, but I was a bit older and unfortunately hurt my lower back during the birth, so it might not take as much time to get back to shape as that for you. And as Miss Gina says i can’t say enough for cocoa butter to help with stretch marks!

  7. Maddy

    Hi Sir Guy, Miss Gina, Meow Meow and ladies

    Returning to this post because I am pregnant! I’m so happy! 10 weeks, almost 11 weeks now. It has not been smooth with some bleeding and bad cramping but so far I have managed to keep my composure around husband (and not be super stressed out) and all is well. Husband is very excited.

    I am writing for any advice from you and everyone more experienced in parenthood, motherhood and more.

    I would be keen to know your thoughts and advice on how to progress through the next stage of pregnancy and looking after baby (and how to look after myself) I’m eager to hear it all – the ups and downs – everything!

    Maddy

    Your Highness Maddy,

    Congratulations, darling. No measure of masculine or man-made glory exceeds that given by God as woman prepares for and gives birth.

    I have no advice. I only know how the male nature prefers that women handle it.

    Pass your everyday complaints and worries to female friends and relatives. Those you pass to him will be taken personally, he will feel at least partially responsible, but face the inevitability that he’s helpless. Men don’t do well internally when faced with that dilemma.

    Keep him in the smiley loop, and he will help make the next 4-5 months easier in the home. The less she complains to him, the more his respect grows for her and what she does for him. A man’s ability to empathize and help at his initiative is much stronger than his ability to sympathize and be frozen with: What can I do, or why can’t I do more?

    Women like to think their man should share daily miseries, that it’s only fair. However, for the course of a normal pregnancy, her marriage ends up better by protecting her mystique, modesty, and strong nature as unique and independent. It’s her time to be independent, and her man wants her to be; he can do so little when he’s built to accomplish things.

    She’s more easily respected as a mother when she’s not a whiner getting to be one. Mothering is her way to shine brightest, and she does so by keeping her everyday ups and downs from him. Women are eager to listen, encourage, and advise, so take advantage of beneficial rather than dead-weight (male) help.

    FOR SERIOUS MATTERS, HOWEVER, GET AND KEEP HIM DIRECTLY INVOLVED.

    I do advise against learning the baby’s sex before birth. My reasons are expressed in posts 1267 and 1268.

    Guy

    • My Husband's Wife

      Congratulations, Maddy! That’s great news!

    • Meow Meow

      Congrats Maddy!
      I agree with Sir Guy, its a great time to do things and discuss with girl friends or family who have been through pregnancy and had kids. Have some trusted ladies you can call, or talk to. This is such a happy, exciting time!

      The early stages of pregnancy is a good time to prep as you will feel like doing less and conserving energy more as time passes. So maybe take that trip, work on baby’s room, tackle home projects that might bug you later, exercise while it is still comfortable, lotsa self care to beat the blahs/nausea. Hair/skin is usually gorgeous during pregnancy so focus on that aspect of your beauty!

      Do get pretty/stylish maternity wear—Target has a nice section.

      Read some pregnancy books, but not too many! You can’t predict what will happen. Some books have a dictatorial tone. I found it best to trust my body, tune in to it, and limit expectations. Humans have given birth for thousands of years. We are pretty good at it….babies really do not need much. You and your love, a nice blankie, favorite toy as they get older….most of my things were hand me downs and gently used items or gifts from baby shower. Little kids grow so fast I didn’t want to buy too much new stuff, esp. when parents just through the previous stage were trying to get rid of baby gear! I loved my simple small stroller and baby backpack for trips. Lost most baby weight by strolling the stroller and taking nice walks.

      Prepare yourself for a new chapter of life, but stay true to yourself. For the next few years in particular, you’ll be very busy (understatement!) sleeplessly dealing with a completely needy little person. What kind of mom do you see yourself as? Also appreciate your hubby, what he needs and is bringing to the table. Lean on him physically—he can’t help with many discomforts of pregnancy and young childhood, but will likely be proud to assist you however he can.

      How exciting! So happy for you.

    • Maddy

      Hi Sir Guy

      Thank you very much! I have read your posts at 1267 and 1268 and appreciate your thoughts on the matter. I know that husband really wants to find out the sex of our baby. The obstetrician mentioned that this would be possible at our next ultrasound very soon. When she asked if we would like to find out the baby’s sex both husband and I said a resounding “yes”. Is it too late to change my mind? If not, how to persuade husband that its not a good idea without inferring that its not a good idea?

      Thank you again
      Maddy

      Your Highness Maddy,

      It’s not too late; tell the doctor NO. However, convincing hubby to go along may be tough.

      He wants to brag and thinks that the child’s sex is what everybody else brags about. OTOH, a man who does things differently earns more respect that following in the shoes of others.

      You may ask him to read my two articles. His sense of reason and logic may find common ground for awaiting the birth surprise. You can talk up nursery planning by awaiting birth to choose blue or pink.

      You can ask him to favor your choice to keep it a surprise. Just honor you as the mother doing it your way. The baby will be unique; why shouldn’t parents also be unique about something so simple and—for the mother’s benefit of people’s attention—easy to accomplish.

      Suspense is tough, but surprises can be better. Good men have little trouble living with what their little woman wants, if it’s so important to her.

      Actually, men don’t like surprises. But whether soon or months from now, it isn’t a surprise when it’s like the call of a flipped coin. So, it’s easy for a man when he knows what’s coming. It will actually be harder for you to delay, but you will have immense fun with yourself just guessing for 4-5 months.

      In fact, from whence comes the greater joy? Being told by doctor and can’t hold the baby? Or, finding out and holding a baby a few moments later? And then watching hubby’s surprise as he holds what you produced together?

      Guy

      • Maddy

        Thank you Sir Guy

        You are right. Convincing hubby is tough. I am mindful not to push my agenda too much.
        His main reasoning is that he has heard (presumably from other dad’s) that finding out the baby’s sex will help him to bond stronger with the baby. I’m not sure what to say to this in response?

        Thanks again!
        Maddy

        Your Highness Maddy,

        There is a lifetime to bond with the baby. In pregnancy it’s the wife that needs stronger bonding with her mate. Don’t call him wrong for it, however.

        When men pay attention to men about women, they learn little. It works the same with women, they learn little about men.

        When women tell their man they need more attention, bonding, love, or whatever, men don’t know what to do. They have to be told INDIRECTLY with hints, suggestions, and seed planting.

        You might try these suggestions. “Hold me” more often. Hold his hand for stability in public. Ask him to open car door and other pleasantries while you are more in need than usual. Don’t act so independent; lean more on him even for simple things. Let him see that you’re in a delicate condition; men can accept that. Let him figure out that you are now in a much different shape and situation than before. Just don’t overdo depending on him to do too much. The object is to get him thinking about you more than the baby; that can come later.

        Guy

  8. Maddy

    Thank you so much Sir Guy and lovely Meow Meow!

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