2389. Stay-at-home as Her Career


Her Highness Curlyblondy described her anguish with these questions: “I too am wondering if being a housewife is “enough.” … I know you say not to justify ourselves to others, but I must be able to do so to myself. What is a girl to think or do?”

DIAGNOSIS: You have a problem common to modern women. You value the opinions of others more than your own, and find that you’re not grateful for the marvelous creation that God, Nature, and hormones presented so the rest of us can enjoy your company and association when you’re being yourself instead of someone else.

SYMPTOMS: You listen to men and mentors and come up guilty. You compare what you feel compelled to do and come up short with others because they are employed differently but not necessarily better. Others presume to know your potential, and you give them credibility. What is or could be doing ‘your share’ —fair, equal, or lazy as TeeTee was told—and can it be measured or left to opinion? You believe men when they say they’d prefer housekeeping to employment, but the ounce of truth is too small to be believed. Why do you owe those things to anyone other than your mate?

MOTIVATION: We are all motivated by self-interest, which translates for women as need for self-importance and men as need for self-admiration. Your self-importance is earned as you find gratefulness in what you do and in the people with whom you associate. A man’s self-admiration flows out of the challenges he accepts and the self-satisfaction that flows out of his dutiful accomplishments.

PRESCRIPTION: Quit thinking with your mind and that of others and start listening to your heart. It will advise you how to integrate and handle the following and many other factors in your life. How will you harmonize these things?

  • What are your long-range hopes and dreams? They were probably formed just before puberty, so do you still want the same or something else? How do you modify them to fit current expectations? Where are you headed and not how will you get there?
  • As the relationship expert with a man, just how do you propose to keep yourself on track to fulfill your hopes and dreams as modified under his influence? By being someone else or by being yourself? The latter works much, much better.
  • Guesstimate your potential by how you intend to sacrifice your self-interest on behalf of your present, intended, or hopeful mate. Review what principles you live by, and those you expect to continue.

As stay-at-home housewife, how will you generate and harmonize a compatible marriage? Dream, plan, and promise yourself about where you are going and not how to get there. How will you:

  • Compete with him before marriage to discover just who and what he is? Then, how will you convert to be the cooperative spouse required to succeed after the altar?
  • Handle hubby’s want of independence with your want of having a mate to promote/provide/protect/produce on your behalf?
  • Satisfy your drive to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones with his need for a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare to fight dragons tomorrow?
  • Find ways to brighten your future by coaching/encouraging his advancements and significance in society?
  • Learn to appreciate that his sense of satisfaction at accomplishing things—endorsed by your pride in him—is more vital than affection as you like to express it?
  • Provide husband with respect that promotes his importance in both his outside world and your life together in the home?
  • How will you match his need for functionality in his castle with your need for fashion or taste in your nest?
  • Balance giving him the privilege of ruling over your present-day affairs in return for his granting you the same privilege regarding future life together?
  • Keep from belittling him or his efforts that signify your disrespect for his significance (aka ego)?
  • Deal with him if and when he shows unacceptable respect for you as person, woman, wife, mother, lover, or friend?
  • Manage your own feelings such that husband knows he doesn’t rank second in his wife’s heart, and kids don’t think they rank second in mom’s heart.

You have to aim yourself toward what you want and not focus on what you don’t want. For example, let yourself be guided by this adage: He rules the roost but she rules the rooster. It sounds too simple, but it’s the long range effect. It happens when a couple works out and she harmonizes their compatibility issues into mutual respect, appreciation, and influence that solidifies mutual likeability and loyalty.

 

5 Comments

Filed under courtship, Fickle female, Home CEO, marriage

5 responses to “2389. Stay-at-home as Her Career

  1. curlyblondy

    this is certainly enough to think about, thank you so much 🙂 i will come back for rereads.

  2. Sarina

    Housewives have an advantage. They’re protected from the baggage that comes at the workplace: stress, hurtful arguments and gossip, mean bosses, long 10 hour absence from home 5-6 times a week, etc. I think she should feel cherished and appreciate the treasure of a man that she’s got, it’s in her best interest to serve the real boss, husband who is caring, protective and understanding above any outsider. Housewives are pressured into feeling guilty by society because many women want to be in their position but the situation won’t allow them.

    Your Highness Sarina,
    In the Navy’s highest accolade, Well done!
    Guy

  3. My Husband's Wife

    Sir Guy, I love this post. From what I’ve seen in those around me, most men (50 + under) have also bought in to the working wife “ideal” and encourage it. They get used to the paycheck. The sad thing is that by doing this, they’re also cutting themselves short—he’s on the hook for more housework aside from his chores. The home life is more chaotic when the wife is working outside the home as she can’t “do it all” as feminists have claimed all these years. I think if men really thought about it, they would prefer to come home from work with a home-cooked meal ready and house tidy and life organized to help relieve the pressures of the work day.

    Speaking of career women/mothers: What is your take on women being allowed in military combat? I heard two of the Republican candidates during last night’s debate give their approval to this idea. I really wished they would have let all the candidates answer this question to see where they all stand.

    Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
    1st para: Very astute conclusions and I agree.
    2nd para: I’m working on article to respond to women in combat. Post it Tuesday, most likely.
    Guy

    • My Husband's Wife

      I’m so looking forward to the article, Sir Guy, and hearing your thoughts on the matter.

      On a side note, I wanted to let you know there has been a ripple effect from this blog—from you spreading to many of those around me. A dear friend of mine had the “aha” moment recently that she had been over controlling her husband all these years. (This is a gal who I’ve asked you several things regarding her situation and relayed them to her). She has changed and sees such a difference. My husband has been also teaching the female coworkers some of these principles when the opportunity arises (usually as they are going through something bad with a boyfriend). I’ve been amazed at how they’ve responded so well—especially to some tough, politically incorrect ideas. It’s been amazing looking back and seeing how the Lord has been using one’s neighbor to bring help in the time of need via WWNH…and it all started with your gift of writing to us ladies! I can’t thank you enough. Men are never more handsome when they share their expertise to help families, the foundation of our society!

      Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
      Thank you for the side note. You’ve shined like a jewel ever since you joined us on this cruise. You’ve also got the most apt and encouraging screen name; I admire you tremendously for it.
      Guy

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