Her Highness Curlyblondy described her anguish with these questions: “I too am wondering if being a housewife is “enough.” … I know you say not to justify ourselves to others, but I must be able to do so to myself. What is a girl to think or do?”
DIAGNOSIS: You have a problem common to modern women. You value the opinions of others more than your own, and find that you’re not grateful for the marvelous creation that God, Nature, and hormones presented so the rest of us can enjoy your company and association when you’re being yourself instead of someone else.
SYMPTOMS: You listen to men and mentors and come up guilty. You compare what you feel compelled to do and come up short with others because they are employed differently but not necessarily better. Others presume to know your potential, and you give them credibility. What is or could be doing ‘your share’ —fair, equal, or lazy as TeeTee was told—and can it be measured or left to opinion? You believe men when they say they’d prefer housekeeping to employment, but the ounce of truth is too small to be believed. Why do you owe those things to anyone other than your mate?
MOTIVATION: We are all motivated by self-interest, which translates for women as need for self-importance and men as need for self-admiration. Your self-importance is earned as you find gratefulness in what you do and in the people with whom you associate. A man’s self-admiration flows out of the challenges he accepts and the self-satisfaction that flows out of his dutiful accomplishments.
PRESCRIPTION: Quit thinking with your mind and that of others and start listening to your heart. It will advise you how to integrate and handle the following and many other factors in your life. How will you harmonize these things?
- What are your long-range hopes and dreams? They were probably formed just before puberty, so do you still want the same or something else? How do you modify them to fit current expectations? Where are you headed and not how will you get there?
- As the relationship expert with a man, just how do you propose to keep yourself on track to fulfill your hopes and dreams as modified under his influence? By being someone else or by being yourself? The latter works much, much better.
- Guesstimate your potential by how you intend to sacrifice your self-interest on behalf of your present, intended, or hopeful mate. Review what principles you live by, and those you expect to continue.
As stay-at-home housewife, how will you generate and harmonize a compatible marriage? Dream, plan, and promise yourself about where you are going and not how to get there. How will you:
- Compete with him before marriage to discover just who and what he is? Then, how will you convert to be the cooperative spouse required to succeed after the altar?
- Handle hubby’s want of independence with your want of having a mate to promote/provide/protect/produce on your behalf?
- Satisfy your drive to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones with his need for a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare to fight dragons tomorrow?
- Find ways to brighten your future by coaching/encouraging his advancements and significance in society?
- Learn to appreciate that his sense of satisfaction at accomplishing things—endorsed by your pride in him—is more vital than affection as you like to express it?
- Provide husband with respect that promotes his importance in both his outside world and your life together in the home?
- How will you match his need for functionality in his castle with your need for fashion or taste in your nest?
- Balance giving him the privilege of ruling over your present-day affairs in return for his granting you the same privilege regarding future life together?
- Keep from belittling him or his efforts that signify your disrespect for his significance (aka ego)?
- Deal with him if and when he shows unacceptable respect for you as person, woman, wife, mother, lover, or friend?
- Manage your own feelings such that husband knows he doesn’t rank second in his wife’s heart, and kids don’t think they rank second in mom’s heart.
You have to aim yourself toward what you want and not focus on what you don’t want. For example, let yourself be guided by this adage: He rules the roost but she rules the rooster. It sounds too simple, but it’s the long range effect. It happens when a couple works out and she harmonizes their compatibility issues into mutual respect, appreciation, and influence that solidifies mutual likeability and loyalty.