2406. PROVERBS — Singles 07


  1. Women who are very direct are worth sex but not keeping. Indirectness sells femininity and morality, which is what men seek to marry—a virtuous woman.
  2. Belief in a man is more powerful and permanent whereas sex connotes neither belief, respect, nor permanence.
  3. Men probe for sexual history to decide how faithful she will likely be to him. How many and who went before? Promiscuity sinks her ship “Virtuous.”
  4. Men take a relationship for granted. It just is; he sees no need for maintenance. If she does, she can do it. If she can’t, he doesn’t need her.
  5. One lingering and biting effect of Feminism is that women envy men and dislike being female. It empowers men to take greater advantage of women.
  6. Her outright, direct rejection of a man’s invitation squelches his self-admiration and offends his dignity. It can bring out his worst side and may bring hurt to her.
  7. Men respect women who appear unique and powerful within themselves. Being like everyone else attracts the more common man.
  8. Refusing to have sex for reasons higher than herself—God, Bible, or morality— earns respect for her. It both strengthens her self-respect and reflects off it.
  9. Refusing unmarried sex teaches females to screen males more accurately. The more they do it and judge, the more they learn to improve decision making.
  10. Relationships start with attraction, infatuation, and lust that fold into passion and love and level off later as enduring mutual love. Too much lust endangers it.

 

6 Comments

Filed under courtship, How she wins, marriage

6 responses to “2406. PROVERBS — Singles 07

  1. Lilac

    Dear Guy,

    Is giving a gift to a man considered directness?
    My friend recently started dating with a man whom she met on an online matching website. He gave her an expensive jewelry as a gift on the Valentine’s day. In return, my friend gave him a tie as a ‘reciprocal gift’.
    I am wondering if this is too direct. How do men think about receiving gifts like this? What is a respectful response to a man when he gives a gift to a lady?
    Thank you for your wise reply!

    Your Highness Lilac,

    In no way take this as criticism or condemnation of the guy. I try to describe his likely behavior based on the male nature as men are born.

    What’s a respectful response to a man when he gifts a lady? In early dating, grateful with minimal enthusiasm. Never give sex as thank you a man’s gifts. If sex ranks higher for gifts than she does, she will forever be short of his pleasing her after their first sex together. She is included free if he convinces her to yield with gifts.

    Your friend’s gift is highly appropriate for early dating. She’s saying, let’s go slow at least in gift-giving. His expensive gift should stimulate her to go slow with giving and disclosing her feelings for him.

    Being direct by nature, he went ‘all out’ as if to say, “I’m all yours, baby. Let’s do it.” Do what, you ask? More likely he gave to favor early conquest as opposed to early engagement. The earlier the former, the less likely the latter will ever happen.

    Too eager for him in early dating. It’s a red flag and too early for her to become the same.

    She needs to thrive on caution and patience. His continued eagerness will more quickly reveal what he pursues, sex or long term relationship. If primarily after sex, he will close up quickly and want to bail out when she doesn’t yield on his expectation. Perhaps after a couple more expensive gifts, perhaps not.

    OTOH, he more than likely pursues her for herself rather than sex if she starts to see his behavior go along these lines. He adjusts his manner, eases off eagerness for sex, seeks to know about her non-sexual interests, explores her habits and tastes, finds simple ways to please her, enjoys just being with her, and admires her various qualities. Her job becomes letting him develop new habits that please him just for pleasing her.

    Patience and indirectness serve her best. Let him do the courting, he has to earn her, she’s the buyer to his selling. So, meanwhile as the relationship develops, she teaches him the importance of romance to meet her needs.

    To smooth out relationship development, I suggest this tactic. When he seeks to talk about sex, during dating she changes the subject to romance and in courtship to marriage.

    Posts 1912 and 2180 may also help her play the game to her advantage.

    Guy

  2. “Men respect women who appear unique and powerful within themselves. Being like everyone else attracts the more common man.”

    Yes! Amen to that. “Powerful within themselves” is the key there, not powerful over others, not controlling or bossy, but powerful within themselves in a feminine way. I suspect this may be true of men, too. Having that power within, confidence, that thing we can never really name properly, that is very attractive in both men and women.

    Your Highness Insanitybytes22,

    Yes, it’s also true in men in a masculine way. As to a proper name for it, ‘real man’ comes to mind when we see an attractive or appealing balance between looks, intelligence, strong character, self-confidence, projection of speech, proud eye contact, and alpha traits when situation needs that kind of leadership. And I’m sure you can cite many other traits that help fill the bill.

    Guy

  3. Etu

    Dear Sir Guy,

    I don’t mean to get off topic here but I’ve had a bad night and need to get your advice on something if you don’t care to help me in this. I have been talking to an older man in another country for sometime now. we are both Christians and talked for over a year and then met this January. Neither of us have had many relationships and his last one was over 10 years ago. He’s a farmer who lives with his mom, fyi. I have been thinking that maybe he is the one…although we write long emails and in the cards he sends he gives very sweet sentiments (you mean the world to me, you’ve brought me so much happiness, a card that said always know you are loved and prayed for daily and one that said we were meant to be, I hope), he seems to be looking for a sign we should be together, like out of the Bible, and has told me this. We had a bit of a spat just before valentine’s day, but it seems we cleared it up and when he called I could hear in his voice that I thought he valued me. However, this last week he asked me to set aside today to join him in prayer and fasting about what we have and where we are going, and to look for a sign. We are both trying to recognize that God is sovereign in everything, and he has said before that he is “not driving this.” Honestly that made me a bit uneasy as although I believe God drives everything, a Christian man should lead and pursue in a relationship. He said when he met, comparing this to when he thought he wanted to be a preacher but wasnt 100 percent sure…”you need that one percent.” Anyway so I fasted today and it was an amazing experience! I read the Psalms like my friend said he was planning to do. I prayed about us but mainly it was about honoring the Lord. Yes I believe the Lord can show you a sign as in the case of Isaac and Rebekah…but my friend’s talk of all this makes me a little queasy, like I’m waiting to see if I’m good enough for a sign. Anyway, after my friend called me today during the fast, I hung up the phone feeling a little let down. At times he does not seem to have a lot of self awareness. He remarked that he didn’t feel any extra spiritual today for fasting, and that he didn’t get an answer one way or another, but that this isn’t necessarily the end of praying and fasting. I told him it was a very spiritual day for me, which personally I have needed. He mentioned he got a haircut and asked the hairstylist if she fasted, since she was into fitness etc and he was amazed that she fasted three whole days..then he said he was looking forward to whatever physical benefits a fast can do for you. I fast for non-spiritual reasons also but this has been my first spiritual fast in a few years. I was planning to go visit him to be a guest at a wedding next month, but right now I feel horrible and honestly a bit rejected. I want a man who pursues me. My friend is emphasizing getting a sign from above and I don’t feel like he is leading me in a relationship. We have the distance, busy jobs etc. He is faithful to write and send wonderful gifts and call. I don’t want to give up but honestly I feel humiliated right now. I asked him, are you expecting a specific answer, and he said yes. We tip toe around what the question even is. Although we have only spent 3 days together I have had him on my mind for over a year and took myself off the dating market to go fully into this. I want a man who wants me. 😦 I don’t want to end it with him as I feel like we have something special. But I feel more studied by him than pursued. The fast today showed me my mind is not on the Lord like it should be. That was my benefit. As the female I feel like I’m in the waiting zone and he’s in the moving zone. As you have said here and I have memorized, the man is the seller and the woman the buyer. How do you think I should proceed with this? I know I have only given you but a tiny piece of the picture here. His cards, letters, gifts, and emails indicate he loves me and wants to keep going….but something like tonight makes me question everything. Any help greatly appreciated as I need it!

    Your Highness Etu,
    The story you tell makes it sound like his mother is between you. She has probably guilted him up for years about leaving her alone. He’s free in his mind but not his heart to commit to you.
    Guy

    • Etu

      Sir Guy, you help me see things I don’t see, or don’t want to see. Taking over the family farm always had the 90 year old mom thrown in. I just feel like he’s a much more cautious person on the phone and in person than with his words. He sent me a very sweet and senitmental Valentines day gift which came late…so when he called me on Valentines Day and just casually mentioned that on the dating website we were on, he’d had hundreds of messages from women in the Philippines, Japan, etc….I was insulted and hurt and couldn’t understand why he would bring that up. When we met in person he’d said, there are x number of Christian men your age in this country who are single..although don’t think I am looking for someone to take my job. There’s just a cloud of ‘this probably won’t work” hanging over our interaction. I never wanted that. I’m no beauty queen but I hope I try to look my best. I’m attracted more to who he is than how he looks. So many hurdles to jump through…like meeting my dad…he mentioned that in person just in a cursory way, how it would be hard. He’d also said he’d had teenagers calling his house and “there could be some potential there.” I just don’t understand why he said the things he has said to me. But anyway…thanks for your help. I needed your input.

      • Étu, I’m 55 years old and don’t have as much wisdom as Sir Guy but, as a committed Christian, I have become very suspicious about men that talk about God and His will in the way that your friend does. A lot of passive men hide behind spiritual platitudes. I think a manlier approach would be for him to quietly pray and fast about Gods will without telling you about it. Also…he lives with his mother? You do NOT want to marry someone with mother issues. Sir Guy reveals his discernment when he says the mother may be driving this.

        Jill

        • Etu

          Thanks so much for your valuable insight, Jill! I need this help right now. I wonder if my friend doesn’t have a self awareness issue. He is looking for a sign to fall out of the sky…and of course when it doesn’t it’s not meant to be. Except we’re not quite there. This fast thing was supposed to be something we did together. I prepared for it all week and it was very eye opening for me in terms of how much I don’t look to the Lord. He did emphasize that we need to be open to not having a sign, but of course everyone wants a sign. But to hear him say, “I didn’t get an answer one way or the other,” I feel like I’ve ‘lost.’ It’s a bit mystic and entitled to expect an answer. And I agree…I think he should have done the fasting and praying without putting me on board especially since afterward it seems we were not. we don’t really talk at all about the circumstances of his home life. I just know mom lives with him, he works hard on a farm, and when he calls me on Sunday its like 11 p or midnight (or sometimes a bit later) his time. I do care for him…his cards/letters and emails are so sentimental. But he’s a bit aloof on the phone and a little in person at times too. We have the age difference (he’s in his early 50s). He commented in jest that he was henpecked by his mother. I really never paid much mind and don’t know how big of a force she is in his life. He’s only had 2 relationships, 1 in high school and one in late 20s. If he’s looking for perfection its not me. We have way too much on the line with different countries and age etc to waste time. Sorry for venting but I had to tell someone!! Thanks again to you and Sir Guy!

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