Women have the interest, ability, and patience embedded in their nature to make marriage last better. They need to turn away from modern social and domestic practice in their mind and rely more on their nature, heart, and dreams. That is, the way they are born to create and manage a permanent relationship and home.
Success begins in dating and early courtship. Two conquerors face off. One seeks sex without obligation; the other seeks marriage before yielding sex. If not that way, it should be.
Women need to recognize this fact of nature. Her love will not win his heart, so she needs to focus on what works with a man.*
Men are born with two very different sex drives. One motivates a man to conquer attractive women. The other motivates interaction among those he’s already conquered.
His first and most unique sex drive is instinctive and repeats for life. It motivates a man to conquer every attractive woman he encounters. The more attractive, the more his interest rises, especially if he’s exposed to her regularly. To qualify, a woman has only to be not unattractive to him. Moreover, a hopeful wife must conquer a man’s sex drive in courtship in order to generate a lasting marriage. Actually, they are designed so that her conquest of his sexual urges is the root of his love and devotion, as we will see later.
A man changes dramatically after conquest. It’s his nature and not her, but she figures in. However, by her conquering his sex drive, she modifies and softens the blows of his persona as he changes from conqueror to domestic partner.
Before conquest, a man will compete with and even change to please a woman. After conquest he won’t. But at the completion of conquest, he undergoes massive changes in heart and mind. Premarital sex the first time triggers many relationship malfunctions that disturb the female and her nature, some minor, some major, and some terminal:
- His willingness to compete with her dissipates into refusal. (Men will compete with a woman to win conquest. Their sense of significance is threatened, however, if they lose to a conquered woman.)
- Competition is over. His willingness to change just to please her stops. (Men don’t normally change for a woman except when they think it leads to conquest. The real secret of courtship is to keep him willing to change to please her but to do it because it pleases him. The changes do not remain permanent, however, unless she conquers him for marriage before she yields.)
- His respect quits growing due to the end of her resistance and ardent protection against sexual intrusion. (He accomplished his objective, and she no longer carries the glory of chasteness. Any respect she earns later comes from his conscious admiration of her qualities and achievements. Earning a man’s respect is vital, because any love he holds for her is based on it.)
- Her uniqueness starts to fade relative to unconquered beauties. (In order to keep his loyalty and avoid the unconquered, she builds the most respect, admiration, and devotion practicable before yielding. He has to be sold on her as ‘his only’ if she expects him to quit considering beauties as targets.)
- He decides mostly and without her input just where she fits in his life—as keeper, booty, or disposable. (It’s not her so much as his natural, logical, problem-solving character.)
- He retains much less interest in pleasing her, unless she’s a keeper. (And even then she’s not the unique beauty she once was. Doesn’t mean she’s not worthy, but he’s much different than before conquest. It’s not her but his nature that makes him see her as different—the conquered and unconquered never look alike to the conqueror. Immaturity appears often in the unconquered, but maturity is essential for a conqueror’s keeper.)
- She also changes after premarital sex but in a direction opposite to his. (She bonds but he doesn’t. It motivates her to push for further relationship development when he likely is pulling back from his victory.)
Generally, a conquest triggers a man to be different afterward, unless she successfully delays the courting process until his devotion confirms his love. Even then he’s different, but he remains as ‘adjustable’ as his devotion was encouraged and allowed to develop in courtship.
*To win a man’s heart: First, she makes herself so attractive in appearance and likeable in personality that he wants to spend time with her above others. Second, she finds and promotes what keeps him focused on actions (Words are okay but don’t help.) that please her as part of his anticipation of making love to her. Third, she denies him sexual relations by checking, outwitting, outsmarting, and outmaneuvering his ardent urges of appeal for sex.
Throughout the courtship process he searches for weaknesses that will encourage her to yield, and he tests them with determination. She, on the other hand takes no offense but yields no sex. As he searches, he’s exposed to her qualities. Those he admire become virtues, and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. The more virtues he uncovers, the more she becomes fascinating. Soon thereafter her fascination blossoms into promise he sees (not what she promises) for her to fill his life with pleasure and comfort. The hook is set, proposal follows, and he tells her to get her mom and they prepare the wedding; he’ll meet her at the altar.
It is not her love that conditions him to yield his independence. It is more his determination to possess what he perceives as a good and, therefore, right woman for him. The more she withdraws from selling herself, from trying to convince him of her value to him, the more inspired he is to accept his own decision making.