2423. Marriage Can Last — Part 3 His Urge to Conquer

Women have the interest, ability, and patience embedded in their nature to make marriage last better. They need to turn away from modern social and domestic practice in their mind and rely more on their nature, heart, and dreams. That is, the way they are born to create and manage a permanent relationship and home.

Success begins in dating and early courtship. Two conquerors face off. One seeks sex without obligation; the other seeks marriage before yielding sex. If not that way, it should be.

Women need to recognize this fact of nature. Her love will not win his heart, so she needs to focus on what works with a man.*

Men are born with two very different sex drives. One motivates a man to conquer attractive women. The other motivates interaction among those he’s already conquered.

His first and most unique sex drive is instinctive and repeats for life. It motivates a man to conquer every attractive woman he encounters. The more attractive, the more his interest rises, especially if he’s exposed to her regularly. To qualify, a woman has only to be not unattractive to him. Moreover, a hopeful wife must conquer a man’s sex drive in courtship in order to generate a lasting marriage. Actually, they are designed so that her conquest of his sexual urges is the root of his love and devotion, as we will see later.

A man changes dramatically after conquest. It’s his nature and not her, but she figures in. However, by her conquering his sex drive, she modifies and softens the blows of his persona as he changes from conqueror to domestic partner.

Before conquest, a man will compete with and even change to please a woman. After conquest he won’t. But at the completion of conquest, he undergoes massive changes in heart and mind. Premarital sex the first time triggers many relationship malfunctions that disturb the female and her nature, some minor, some major, and some terminal:

  • His willingness to compete with her dissipates into refusal. (Men will compete with a woman to win conquest. Their sense of significance is threatened, however, if they lose to a conquered woman.)
  • Competition is over. His willingness to change just to please her stops. (Men don’t normally change for a woman except when they think it leads to conquest. The real secret of courtship is to keep him willing to change to please her but to do it because it pleases him. The changes do not remain permanent, however, unless she conquers him for marriage before she yields.)
  • His respect quits growing due to the end of her resistance and ardent protection against sexual intrusion. (He accomplished his objective, and she no longer carries the glory of chasteness. Any respect she earns later comes from his conscious admiration of her qualities and achievements. Earning a man’s respect is vital, because any love he holds for her is based on it.)
  • Her uniqueness starts to fade relative to unconquered beauties. (In order to keep his loyalty and avoid the unconquered, she builds the most respect, admiration, and devotion practicable before yielding. He has to be sold on her as ‘his only’ if she expects him to quit considering beauties as targets.)
  • He decides mostly and without her input just where she fits in his life—as keeper, booty, or disposable. (It’s not her so much as his natural, logical, problem-solving character.)
  • He retains much less interest in pleasing her, unless she’s a keeper. (And even then she’s not the unique beauty she once was. Doesn’t mean she’s not worthy, but he’s much different than before conquest. It’s not her but his nature that makes him see her as different—the conquered and unconquered never look alike to the conqueror. Immaturity appears often in the unconquered, but maturity is essential for a conqueror’s keeper.)
  • She also changes after premarital sex but in a direction opposite to his. (She bonds but he doesn’t. It motivates her to push for further relationship development when he likely is pulling back from his victory.)

Generally, a conquest triggers a man to be different afterward, unless she successfully delays the courting process until his devotion confirms his love. Even then he’s different, but he remains as ‘adjustable’ as his devotion was encouraged and allowed to develop in courtship.


*To win a man’s heart: First, she makes herself so attractive in appearance and likeable in personality that he wants to spend time with her above others. Second, she finds and promotes what keeps him focused on actions (Words are okay but don’t help.) that please her as part of his anticipation of making love to her. Third, she denies him sexual relations by checking, outwitting, outsmarting, and outmaneuvering his ardent urges of appeal for sex.

Throughout the courtship process he searches for weaknesses that will encourage her to yield, and he tests them with determination. She, on the other hand takes no offense but yields no sex. As he searches, he’s exposed to her qualities. Those he admire become virtues, and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. The more virtues he uncovers, the more she becomes fascinating. Soon thereafter her fascination blossoms into promise he sees (not what she promises) for her to fill his life with pleasure and comfort. The hook is set, proposal follows, and he tells her to get her mom and they prepare the wedding; he’ll meet her at the altar.

It is not her love that conditions him to yield his independence. It is more his determination to possess what he perceives as a good and, therefore, right woman for him. The more she withdraws from selling herself, from trying to convince him of her value to him, the more inspired he is to accept his own decision making.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, Her glory, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

13 responses to “2423. Marriage Can Last — Part 3 His Urge to Conquer

  1. That Horse Is Dead

    Almost two years ago, I asked a question in post-2030 about what to do about two men in my Sunday school class. One I called “6-month man” whom I was more attracted to (chemistry) but he became a disappearing/reappearing man in my life. The other — a man who had just joined the class — immediately asked me out upon meeting me but he fell away quickly. Sir Guy advised to be patient and too soon to judge. In the summer, I took a break from the class to get my mind in a better place. Well, I eventually did judge by their actions. I decided that neither one is good enough for me at this time in my life. Then, last Sunday, when it was time to “meet and greet” during the worship service, I turned around, and BOTH of them are sitting in the pew behind me with about 3 feet of space between them. I had to chuckle to myself because 1) it proves to me everything Sir Guy says about the unconquered female, and 2) I am SO thankful that I know What Women Never Hear. If I didn’t have this blog, the likelihood of me making a huge mistake with one or both men years ago was an almost certainty. Whether either man will step up to the plate is yet to be determined and I’m not holding my breath. But, I am grateful I am no longer attached to the outcome which is a total trap that leads to frustration and disappointment. I may or may not eventually get married again, but I am learning that single is not a curse:)

    Your Highness That Horse Is Dead,

    Congratulations, you have your act well planned. Now, how about play out of scenes.

    The disappearing act of two gents may happen because you talk too much about yourself. I say “may” because mystery keeps men interested whereas too much disclosure of yourself dissolves mystery. Now that two are back at the same time, more interest in them and more silence about yourself my work to separate the good from a less good one.


    • Maddy

      Hi Sir Guy!

      We have started trying for a baby! Excited and apprehensive about venturing into the unknown. I have a rather personal question if I may and hope it is alright to post it here as I think perhaps the input of wise ladies may also help. Advice from you and any ladies would be most appreciated!

      The first time my husband came inside me, the next day was followed by a rather unusual odour and I realised it was from me. I looked up some medical forums and believe it could be that husbands sperm is “fermenting” inside me. I could actually notice it whilst I was sitting at my desk at work and got so paranoid about it that I changed undies twice! I know it is unwise to douche but I wonder if husband finds the smell offensive? He was ready to have sex again a few days later and possibly I still had some of his previous “gift” inside me and the odour was particularly pungen as we had intercourse and husband wasn’t able to “finish” – possibly due to the very noticeable odour. It’s not foul exactly but definitely has that distinct “sex smell”. I have no idea if this is normal or not as I’ve never had a man ejaculate inside me before. It’s now been a few more days and I’m back to “normal” but I wonder if next time I can do something different?

      Your Highness Maddy,

      Congratulations on your new adventure. Best wishes.

      As to the problem, I don’t have even a hint of how to handle it. It’s above my paygrade.

      You’ve seen Meow Meow’s suggestions, which seem sound.


      • Meow Meow

        Well from one lady to another—- I would go to a gynecologist and be checked out just to be sure you don’t have an infection, even if there are no other symptoms…

        Also, sometimes, especially if you have always used barriers, (or whatever) your body can overreact to your partner’s body/fluids as if it is being ‘invaded” and develop an allergy, irritation or infection. With more regular un-barriered sexual activity the hypersensitivity tends to go away….eventually

        Stay healthy! Good luck!

    • MLaRowe

      Be careful. I’m not sure you should see them showing up at the same time as a coincidence.

      Are these guys not already acquainted?

      You are too modest to say so but my guess is that you are very attractive as well as being a challenge. Maybe it did take 2 years for them to get tired of the easy conquest and come back but I’m just not sure.

      These days men can get sex at a bar with no effort at all. I believe that so many of them are actually looking for some sort of challenge whether their intentions are honorable or not.

      Stay safe.

    • gonemaverick

      That Horse Is Dead,

      I chuckled when I read your comment. Men know their competition! They can sense it!

      Maybe the one man saw the other sitting behind you and joined him there so the other one doesn’t think he’s given up. If they are both still slightly interested, in their minds it’s now a matter of “may the best man win”. One or both will make a move. Have fun watching and being watched! Fun times ahead.

      • That Horse Is Dead

        Ladies MLaRowe and gonemaverick,

        I think the mature ones will eventually grow bored with free and easy booty and that deep down they want someone to challenge them to become better men. I watched a YouTube video once that said every man wants a woman who understands two things: his “boyish” side that wants to lay his head in her lap at the end of a tough day while she strokes his hair and the “warrior” side that says these are my boundaries and don’t cross them and don’t try to tame them. He said that it’s not only mystery that intrigues a man, but feminine grace.

        I think the motive for both of these men continuing to come around is that I am unconquered. To what degree they find me virtuous, who knows? As Sir Guy says, it must not be enough to stick around consistently. One thing that I’ve done differently with both men is to practice being consistently kind. Now that my teenage boys are getting older, I keep thinking, “How would I want a woman to treat my son when he’s a man?” And then I do it. Kill ’em with kindness, smiles for no reason, but all the while knowing — it ain’t gonna happen boys so just keep on tryin’.

        • Mia

          Your highness THID, I loled too at your post. 🙂 I concurr with gonemaverick – fun times ahead. My guess is that you rekindled their interest with regard to: “Hm, what’s she up too these days”, “Why is she so composed”, “where’s she been all this time” and “what’s going on with the other guy”. They’ll probably both rise to the challenge. Keep a low profile and watch.
          What do you think, Sir Guy?

          Your Highness Mia,
          I think her blog ladyfriends offer good descriptions of what she can expect.

    • That Horse Is Dead

      With all due respect, Sir Guy…talking about myself is actually the opposite of my personality. If it seems this way here, it’s probably because shy people are better writers. Nice thought, however…but it doesn’t sound like your usual advice.

      Your Highness That Horse Is Dead,
      In that case, darling, perhaps it’s the opposite. You may be too tight with opening up and smiling more so they are encouraged to take more risks. Or some other trait in your personality. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong except that whatever renders attractive balance with each individual is missing. It takes fine tuning at your end so keep guessing for what might work better.

      • That Horse Is Dead

        Sir Guy,
        I think our lines are getting crossed. I already determined both men don’t qualify as Mr. Good Enough based upon their actions as I mentioned in my original comment. My reason for writing the comment is in reference to your thoughts about unconquered women. I used my experience last Sunday as an example that even 2 years later, these men are still coming around. I have no interest in “selling” myself except to be a kind person to them. The other ladies perhaps wanted to know whether you agree that it is because I am still unconquered.

        Your Highness That Horse Is Dead,

        Affirmative. You should presume the guys’ interest continues mostly because you’re unconquered. The one-eyed worm has no peripheral vision and, therefore, no other interest. Conquerors only have to NOT find you UNattractive.

        Moreover, conquerors have little interest in whether they are a Mr. Good Enough. Their effort to conquer is itself proof that they are good enough, as soon as you accept first date.

        All that comes after they start pursuing for conquest is a different subject. A gal can never know male intentions for sure until after conquest. Time is her greatest partner to learn whether she’s pursued only for sex or for her as keeper.


  2. Cocoa

    Hi sir Guy, can you please explain this to me: ” Immaturity appears often in the unconquered, but maturity is essential for a conqueror’s keeper.”

    Your Highness Cocoa,
    It means that the more mature a conquered woman is, the more likely she’s a keeper for him.

  3. southern belle

    Sir Guy,

    I understand #1 and #3 above but could you elaborate on #2 please…
    “Second, she finds and promotes what keeps him focused on actions (Words are okay but don’t help.) that please her as part of his anticipation of making love to her. ”

    Your Highness Southern Belle,
    A man’s actions program his heart much better and more permanently than his words. Presuming you want to avoid conquest, his persuasive words in clinches can more easily lull you into sex. Break off some of the closeness, his uninterrupted talking can compound into what you hope to hear but have to disregard. Don’t give him too much time convincing you of his love in exchange of sex for him. His promises can be influential and dissolve your resolve.

    • SouthernBelle

      Ok I think I understand. But it seems to me that withdrawing emotionally and/or less contact seems uncaring, hurtful and sends message that you’re not interested in the relationship any longer or something is wrong. Is that woman think? Do men interpret this differently?

      Your Highness Southern Belle,
      He’s pursuing only if you’re in control. You don’t have to withdraw emotionally, just avoid too much closeness so that he has to earn more of it. His actions program his heart, and having to work harder to get you in his clutches makes him want you all the more. Just make all your moves subtle and smiling.

      P.S. I’m taking off until Saturday afternoon. So be patient if you have more. G.

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