I’m often accused and verbally abused because I oppose premarital sex. Too few pay enough attention to get the whole story. This series describes and this post summarizes the subject.
Premarital sex is a couple’s moral issue about which only individuals can make worthwhile or remorseful decisions. More than morality, however, it’s a major life decision for women. It satisfies a routine objective for men that takes away women’s advantage for lifetime marriage.
Female Advantage. When they face off in direct terms, the immovable male object resists the irresistible female force, and men usually win. However, couples interact continually and wise women use indirect methods to get their way. With useful ambition, patience, persistence, and perceptive excellence exploited as part of their irresistible force, women manage to influence immovable objects to react favorably to and on behalf of females. Thus, wise women usually get their way, gain wifehood, and keep a lengthy marriage.
Women can do that because they have several innate abilities that men lack. Abilities that can undermine male dominance with feminine charm and mental swiftness. Specifically, 1) a unique ability to keep many balls of varying priorities in the air at one time; 2) patience, skill, and relationship expertise to generate, build, and sustain successful relationships; 3) self-discipline to focus on the long view and yield to her man the privilege of governing short-range decisions; 4) wily maneuvering of priorities to influence short-range decisions to fit right into her long-range objectives. As long as men don’t recognize or care what’s really happening below their consciousness, women are highly capable of outwitting, outsmarting, and outmaneuvering their male partners. It’s the ultimate result of feminine indirectness.
Male Advantage. Men have two distinctly different sex drives. Women blame men for their instinctive nature to conquer attractive women. Men don’t accept blame from a woman. They fight back to prove women wrong. It shifts the advantage to men, because they are less fearful of losing a woman than the reverse.
A man’s most compelling sex drive is to conquer every attractive women, if practicable. Once with each is enough, because it frees him to hunt others or continue with the one just conquered. His other sex drive we can call normal; testosterone energy spent with someone already conquered.
It’s the first drive that confuses women. Caught in a conqueror’s headlights, they presume that being attractive enough means that he won’t be able to disengage after first sex together. Wrong! Once conquered, she moves automatically and naturally from target to his ownership of their sexual agenda. He can keep or drop her for two reasons: 1) The conquering spirit is not always blessed with honesty. 2) Sex with a woman doesn’t bond him as it bonds her. Both cause women to miscalculate their relations with a man.
A man’s primal urge to conquer is unique but vulnerable to a wise woman. She can tame and neutralize it by refusing to be conquered without marital obligations. Resistance to yielding enables her to stabilize his dependability, discourage infidelity, and thus generate long-range harmony. His conquering urge lasts for life, but so does her relationship expertise. The ability is embedded in her nature to produce better husbanding and fathering that also encourage his sexual fidelity.
A better marriage generally arises out of this result. A woman conquers a man’s primal urge to conquer, earns respect that morphs into his love with mutual likeability and loyalty, and provides satisfying sex. And she does it so well that his self-admiration, satisfaction with himself, and sense of significance motivate him not to cheat.
A man’s dual sex drive causes him to distinguish two kinds of women. He uses different behaviors with the conquered and unconquered.
1) Born to be a hunter-conqueror, he weighs the probability and determines to conquer an attractive woman. Her resistance about yielding forces him to change to meet her requirements; he is so determined to win their competition that he will change in order to score the first time. His primal urge to conquer, if she’s attractive enough, can drive him to change a lot just to court her into bed. However, it can take months of changed behavior to become habitual, and it is largely new habits that she sees as the forming of his love and devotion.
Consequently, a woman’s resistance to conquest determines how much a man will change to achieve what his natural motivation urges him to accomplish. It enables her to refine Mr. Good Enough before they marry, because she can’t get him to change much after conquest without marriage. Conquest after marriage provides a different game with him more accommodating and more willing to follow her wishes.
2) In the male mind, the conqueror earns certain rights. She yields without marriage. He paid her price, which means he’s in charge of her valuable assets. Since she likely bonds but he doesn’t, he’s free to use her as keeper, booty, or throw away. He presumes that conquest earns him the right to access conquered women for frequent and convenient sex. That is, he owns their sexual agenda. It’s the conqueror’s right plus he’s less fearful of losing her than she of him. (The one most fearful of losing the other usually fulfills the self-fulfilling prophecy by losing.)
Provided that she has respect for men in her heart, women can earn the respect of a man. If her heart is empty of that vital emotion, she will find it virtually impossible to earn much respect from one man. The masculine nature insists that a husband be respected in order to confirm both his sense of responsibility and ability to be depended on for providing and protecting.
A man’s respect for a woman grows as she protects her sexual assets against his efforts to bed her. That is, resistance earns respect, proportionally too. Men know they would likewise protect their own valuable assets, and so her refusals to yield grow a man’s respect out of which his love can emerge.
The more challenging and personally attractive a woman is to a man, the more dedicated he becomes to conquering her. She should not, however, let him know that she intends to hold out until marriage; it destroys his hope.
Females are easily confused and often deeply hurt by men whose behavior changes after conquest. Women tend to misread the meaning of what happened. They easily bond with the sexual experience, but men don’t. Consequently, based on his earlier judgments of her appeal as a mate, a man follows conquest with one of three options that summarize her worth to him: She’s a keeper, booty, or dumpee.
Once he conquers a woman, a man’s sexual behavior appears normal. He owns their sexual agenda and has high expectations of getting his way with her. He finds it easy to drop or dump her if things don’t go his way.
The propaganda about masculine-style sexual freedom, and the pop culture that results from it, convinces women they can have premarital sex without penalty. By doing so, each violates her self-interest, increases male dominance of her man, weakens her relationship expertise, ends the growth of her man’s respect, reduces her ability to guard her primal need of a brighter future, and thus endangers her hopes to create and serve whatever family she plans.
Part 6 and a Final Overview is ready to post on Tuesday.