2425. Marriage Can Last — Part 5 Summary


I’m often accused and verbally abused because I oppose premarital sex. Too few pay enough attention to get the whole story. This series describes and this post summarizes the subject.

Premarital sex is a couple’s moral issue about which only individuals can make worthwhile or remorseful decisions. More than morality, however, it’s a major life decision for women. It satisfies a routine objective for men that takes away women’s advantage for lifetime marriage.

Female Advantage. When they face off in direct terms, the immovable male object resists the irresistible female force, and men usually win. However, couples interact continually and wise women use indirect methods to get their way. With useful ambition, patience, persistence, and perceptive excellence exploited as part of their irresistible force, women manage to influence immovable objects to react favorably to and on behalf of females. Thus, wise women usually get their way, gain wifehood, and keep a lengthy marriage.

Women can do that because they have several innate abilities that men lack. Abilities that can undermine male dominance with feminine charm and mental swiftness. Specifically,  1) a unique ability to keep many balls of varying priorities in the air at one time; 2) patience, skill, and relationship expertise to generate, build, and sustain successful relationships; 3) self-discipline to focus on the long view and yield to her man the privilege of governing short-range decisions; 4) wily maneuvering of priorities to influence short-range decisions to fit right into her long-range objectives. As long as men don’t recognize or care what’s really happening below their consciousness, women are highly capable of outwitting, outsmarting, and outmaneuvering their male partners. It’s the ultimate result of feminine indirectness.

Male Advantage. Men have two distinctly different sex drives. Women blame men for their instinctive nature to conquer attractive women. Men don’t accept blame from a woman. They fight back to prove women wrong. It shifts the advantage to men, because they are less fearful of losing a woman than the reverse.

A man’s most compelling sex drive is to conquer every attractive women, if practicable. Once with each is enough, because it frees him to hunt others or continue with the one just conquered. His other sex drive we can call normal; testosterone energy spent with someone already conquered.

It’s the first drive that confuses women. Caught in a conqueror’s headlights, they presume that being attractive enough means that he won’t be able to disengage after first sex together. Wrong! Once conquered, she moves automatically and naturally from target to his ownership of their sexual agenda. He can keep or drop her for two reasons: 1) The conquering spirit is not always blessed with honesty. 2) Sex with a woman doesn’t bond him as it bonds her. Both cause women to miscalculate their relations with a man.

A man’s primal urge to conquer is unique but vulnerable to a wise woman. She can tame and neutralize it by refusing to be conquered without marital obligations. Resistance to yielding enables her to stabilize his dependability, discourage infidelity, and thus generate long-range harmony. His conquering urge lasts for life, but so does her relationship expertise. The ability is embedded in her nature to produce better husbanding and fathering that also encourage his sexual fidelity.

A better marriage generally arises out of this result. A woman conquers a man’s primal urge to conquer, earns respect that morphs into his love with mutual likeability and loyalty, and provides satisfying sex. And she does it so well that his self-admiration, satisfaction with himself, and sense of significance motivate him not to cheat.

A man’s dual sex drive causes him to distinguish two kinds of women. He uses different behaviors with the conquered and unconquered.

1) Born to be a hunter-conqueror, he weighs the probability and determines to conquer an attractive woman. Her resistance about yielding forces him to change to meet her requirements; he is so determined to win their competition that he will change in order to score the first time. His primal urge to conquer, if she’s attractive enough, can drive him to change a lot just to court her into bed. However, it can take months of changed behavior to become habitual, and it is largely new habits that she sees as the forming of his love and devotion.

Consequently, a woman’s resistance to conquest determines how much a man will change to achieve what his natural motivation urges him to accomplish. It enables her to refine Mr. Good Enough before they marry, because she can’t get him to change much after conquest without marriage. Conquest after marriage provides a different game with him more accommodating and more willing to follow her wishes.

2) In the male mind, the conqueror earns certain rights. She yields without marriage. He paid her price, which means he’s in charge of her valuable assets. Since she likely bonds but he doesn’t, he’s free to use her as keeper, booty, or throw away. He presumes that conquest earns him the right to access conquered women for frequent and convenient sex. That is, he owns their sexual agenda. It’s the conqueror’s right plus he’s less fearful of losing her than she of him. (The one most fearful of losing the other usually fulfills the self-fulfilling prophecy by losing.)

Provided that she has respect for men in her heart, women can earn the respect of a man. If her heart is empty of that vital emotion, she will find it virtually impossible to earn much respect from one man. The masculine nature insists that a husband be respected in order to confirm both his sense of responsibility and ability to be depended on for providing and protecting.

A man’s respect for a woman grows as she protects her sexual assets against his efforts to bed her. That is, resistance earns respect, proportionally too. Men know they would likewise protect their own valuable assets, and so her refusals to yield grow a man’s respect out of which his love can emerge.

The more challenging and personally attractive a woman is to a man, the more dedicated he becomes to conquering her. She should not, however, let him know that she intends to hold out until marriage; it destroys his hope.

Females are easily confused and often deeply hurt by men whose behavior changes after conquest. Women tend to misread the meaning of what happened. They easily bond with the sexual experience, but men don’t. Consequently, based on his earlier judgments of her appeal as a mate, a man follows conquest with one of three options that summarize her worth to him: She’s a keeper, booty, or dumpee.

Once he conquers a woman, a man’s sexual behavior appears normal. He owns their sexual agenda and has high expectations of getting his way with her. He finds it easy to drop or dump her if things don’t go his way.

The propaganda about masculine-style sexual freedom, and the pop culture that results from it, convinces women they can have premarital sex without penalty. By doing so, each violates her self-interest, increases male dominance of her man, weakens her relationship expertise, ends the growth of her man’s respect, reduces her ability to guard her primal need of a brighter future, and thus endangers her hopes to create and serve whatever family she plans.

Part 6 and a Final Overview is ready to post on Tuesday.

8 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, sex differences

8 responses to “2425. Marriage Can Last — Part 5 Summary

  1. Jen

    “Men know they would likewise protect their own valuable assets, and so her refusals to yield grow a man’s respect out of which his love can emerge.”

    Oh, if only more women understood the dance plays out in this way! Brilliant statement, Sir Guy, because it is very much the truth.

  2. Jen

    Meant to add (distracted by one of my little charges): Perhaps women do not respect their valuable assets because our culture has, for decades, been telling them that to freely share and give away those assets is demonstrating respect for oneself. This is of course a lie, one completely illogical and irrational—yet to their ever-increasing misery, and that of their children, women have bought it.

    Your Highness Jen,
    Your wisdom, darling, makes this blog shine. Thanks.
    Guy

  3. My Husband's Wife

    WOW! This was an eye-opening article and so very true. Describing men with two sex drives makes everything quite clear when put in this way. This article is one of the best.

    P.S. Men are never more handsome when stand up to oppose premarital sex. It’s in the best interest of both men AND women.

  4. KitKat

    When you say women are like this. What you say to be true of women is almost NEVER true of me. I also know of exceptions where the women did not have sex before marriage, still ended in divorce. And the opposite, they had sex practically from the first date, and guess what, they have been married for 50 plus years. I myself had a marriage where NEITHER of us were experienced, ended in divorce. And someone who fell in love the first night we met, still says he loves me. So I am just a weird outlier? I would not want a man who looked down on me and thought it was perfectly fine for him, I simply had too many options.

    Your Highness KitKat,

    You’re not weird but you sound very differently experienced from your peers. There are always exceptions, and anecdotes don’t contradict generalities.

    Perhaps the lessons you learned growing up and later turned you away from your female nature. Not physiologically but behaviorally. Nothing wrong, we all do that but perhaps not as extensively as you.

    Marriage doesn’t prevent divorce. The marriage game reverses successful courtship, so the women you cite perhaps didn’t follow their nature after tying the knot. Perhaps they modeled their marriages on pop culture values, male standards, and masculine expectations made popular nowadays by men rather than women.

    Sounds like the man who loves you fell in love at first sight. If true and he’s honest, he’s already into devotion and probably ready to expand it. He’s already ahead of other men, so make sure he’s not a Mr. Good Enough before ignoring him.

    I’m curious. You say, “I would not want a man who looked down on me and thought it was perfectly fine for him, I simply had too many options.” Is there something I wrote that makes you think I support men looking down on women?

    Guy

    • KitKat

      I think you support the double standard of sexuality and in your opinion women’s sexuality doesn’t exist as an entity in and of itself. I do think your heart is in the right place as regards to you are trying to help people. Men have always fallen for me quickly. They as a rule don’t even ask about my past. And I am either interested or I’m not, but there has been times, I knew there wasn’t a future, and went into a relationship knowing full well, it was just for fun. I simply know too many exceptions to the rules as you believe them to be. The woman who married following your rules was very religious, and certainly didn’t cheat, I guess her mistake was marrying someone non-religious and who was a cheater. They were just a mismatch. And the couples that had sex but are still married, I would say, more than likely they were couples that it was “love at first sight” and they met as very young teenagers. But I personally, know no one who followed your rules and is happy. Don’t know if that makes any sense, but I gave it a shot.

      Your Highness KitKat,
      You describe results that arise out of the pop culture. I describe results that emerge from the way the sexes are born differently. So, we’re not operating with the same playbook. It’s no wonder you view me as being caught off base.
      Guy

  5. Cocoa

    Hello sir Guy, again a brilliant summary and looking forward for more. And as I mentioned before your wisdom just resonate well with me and I guess it’s a very good proof that regardless of our varying backgrounds (I am not from an Anglo or western background but eastern) you are just right. If I agree on this article as well as other women from different backgrounds it means that you do touch on our very nature and NOT behaviours we learn.

    Given my limited exposure to the world around me and as I watch very very little TV and very selective with books and articles I read, I do have couple of questions – rather a question and a comment.

    1- you say “Consequently, based on his earlier judgments of her appeal as a mate, a man follows conquest with one of three options that summarize her worth to him: She’s a keeper, booty, or dumpee.” as i said i totally agree on the dynamics of male and female in this, but how much weight is given to the *sexual experience* or ability (probably there is another term that escapes me right now) of the women that makes a man determine which one of the 3 categories she would fall in? I mean, I hear from other women that there are some women that are so good in bed that men are captivated. How much of this notion adds (or subtracts) to the above equation? Would and experienced exciting woman be the same as a naive, simple, and inexperienced woman in the eye of a conqueror and his decision to keep or let go of her?

    2- you say “He finds it easy to drop or dump her if things don’t go his way” I see that this is very true in regards to his nature but men in the west are not really *free* to do this – dump and drop – given the very tight and sometimes unreasonable civil and family rules/ laws. I see what you say very evident in male dominated countries, unless the man was attached more to the kids/ family than to the woman. Otherwise yes he can leave anytime no obligations attached. Is that why men turn really aggressive and violent?! Don’t know just an observation that I am not quite sure about.

    Your Highness Cocoa,

    Men do not marry for sex; she has to be much more promising to him as partner, likeable person, and pleasure to be around much of the time. Even a woman great in bed won’t find a husband without having other qualities that turn him on to her.

    1 – For a keeper that continues into marriage, quality in bed plays a minor role. For booty, high quality plays a major role. For a dumpee, it play virtually no role.

    2 – Sorry to refute you. America is now a culturally male-dominated country with government substituting for sound female judgment. Conquer and dump happens regularly, because women hook up for no reason other than sex.

    Guy

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