2428. Journey to Feminine — Group 02

These are not rules but suggestions to ease domestic turmoil. God made the female gender superior by giving women the expertise to build, manage, and sustain their relationships. She’s the expert; he’s an innocent for harmonizing a relationship. Her expertise is best exploited by behaviors that naturally emerge from and are guided by the feminine side of her nature, such as the following.

  1. Purposely stay out of your man’s face in favor of using special female talents and skills, such as patience, indirectness, and persuasive influence to get your way.
  2. Negotiate during courtship the meaning of submission as you expect it to be played out after marriage. (Keep these in mind: You have free will. The one most fearful of losing the other will be the biggest loser. The level of dignity you insist on having combined with self-image determine how much self-respect you have and can thus show another person.)
  3. Aim to fulfill your dreams with a husband and family, if that’s what you dreamed in girlhood. If you dreamed something else, figure out how a man will fit into whatever girlhood dreams still tickle your fancy, meet your ambitions, and energize your behaviors. Know what you’re after and modify it as needed to end up as close to your dream as practicable. (If it has to be exactly your way, you’ll probably end up alone.)
  4. Accept and learn to dress differently than other gals but still modestly and in style—nothing radical or outrageous. Make yourself unnoticeable but uniquely attractive in the presence of others.
  5. If you don’t have them, don’t. Men love to view shapely female bodies with untarnished skin. They see tattoos on women as indicator that she probably doesn’t think much of female virtues and so copies male behavior, is probably more feminist than feminine, and more short-term usable than long-term marry-able. At least she’s not very feminine, which men see as virtue. (Why did she think so little of herself to think that permanent disfigurement would help? Fat bellies are equally disfiguring.)
  6. Slip into the background in the presence of men and women. Psychologists will tell you it’s social withdrawal, but that’s not what I mean. Participate socially but without trying to capture attention. Be modest in your thoughts about your behavior but quietly and assertively uphold your worth. (The more you think of your worth, the more men will think of you— and calmness, smiles, and quiet demeanor do it best; it generates mystery too.)
  7. Teach yourself to charm men and individuals regardless of interest, station, or appearance. Listen to them without interruption. Smile a lot right into the eyes of each one as you listen or speak. (Your eyes focused deeply on his have the serendipitous effect of encouraging truthfulness out of a man.)
  8. Don’t complain, just do the best you can to fix whatever needs it.
  9. Don’t explain yourself. To do so invites judgments that you may not want, and judgments reduce female mystery.
  10. Divert your thinking far away from full-disclosure of yourself, life, and sexual history and toward being mysterious. The latter earns respect, whereas the former weakens it.


Filed under boobs, courtship, feminine, Home CEO, How she wins, marriage

7 responses to “2428. Journey to Feminine — Group 02

  1. I am quite charmed by this wisdom. How refreshing it is to see it spoken so well. It’s a shame our modern culture is teaching the precise opposite.

    I’ve had some amusing discussions with my daughters about the importance of being soft, gentle spirits and not frightening the poor guys. It can be challenging, men often appear a bit rough and tumble and so there is a natural tendency to want to imitate that with them. It is far more effective to treat them gently, however. It’s our softness they really desire.

  2. This all reinforces what has been said here in other ways. The realities of men, in terms of how they think and act, are not the realities of women.

    What they value, what motivates them, what turns them on and off, what makes them hard-working and loyal or lazy and indifferent . . . they just aren’t the same.

    Women who truly want a meaningful relationship with a man have to get over the idea that a man can be changed and trained to think and act and do exactly like a woman. Or that she can “get what she wants” by behaving like a man.

    That said, I am convinced that the ideals of male/female compatibility cannot, in all cases, be achieved. In many instances, *both* men and women have to figure out how to deal with the reality that neither of them is a movie star or a billionaire.

    For instance, I don’t have a shapely body with untarnished skin. I have bad posture from years of sitting at a desk doing data entry. I have a big belly due to years of being too tired and stressed after work to do exercise or plan and make a healthful meal. I have plenty of sun-damage around my eyes and mouth and on my hands.

    Over the past year, I have, by the grace of God, managed to change a lot of habits so that I don’t eat junk food anymore, I exercise regularly, I get more sleep, and I have a better handle on work stress.

    But I am not twenty. And if I get married anytime soon, my husband–who himself will not be a young stud–will see that I am certainly not a model. It has been suggested that women of a certain age and body size should find ways to create the, shall we say, impression, of bodily perfection, but when I think of a husband and wife coming together sexually, I keep harking back to the words in Genesis describing Adam and Eve before the Fall: they were (both) naked, and they were not ashamed.

    I think one of the weaknesses of this blog is that it sometimes creates the impression that a woman who wants a real, loving, respectful, devoted relationship with a man is doomed from the start if she isn’t A) physically perfect and B) isn’t psychologically armor-plated. I am often left with the feeling that there is something wrong with me because I have the personality and experiences and age and body I have, that I am not a tiny Southern belle with a wasp waist and a whispery voice. So if I want a “real” relationship with a man, I have to be fake, the opposite of the woman God made me to be.

    I have reason to believe that almost until my father’s death at age 88, he and my mother had a very good sex life. Which means they *both* accepted each other’s increasing physical imperfections and found ways to support and encourage each other despite not being Venus and Adonis.

    This blog creates the impression at times that a man spends his life living a selfish fantasy in which his penis is the most important thing in the world, and finding it a good home (or two or twenty) is more important than anything, and if a woman says, “Hey, buddy, grow up a little,” she will end up alone forever.

    That can’t be true. That can’t be the only way.

    I know a young couple that is having problems right now because she (a kick-ass example of all the womanly qualities admired in this blog) has borne her husband four children, is managing her household like a general, and is otherwise adding a brilliant polish to his family name. When she speaks of him, she always talks about his good qualities, how involved he is in the life of his kids . . .

    But apparently, after doing all that, her thanks from him was a poorly timed and poorly expressed observation that she wasn’t attractive anymore because she was fat. And she is not happy. And they are not having sex. And they are in pastoral counseling.

    The husband works really hard to provide for his family, a physically demanding job with crazy hours, and the wife has always made it clear to others how much she values his hard work. She gives him time and space to unwind after work. He loves martial arts movies and also spends a lot of his free time trying to add pounds and muscle to a naturally thin, wiry runner’s frame.

    He apparently has a fantasy about how he should be physically and about how his wife should be in order to set off his ninja manliness.

    My take on things is that she is doing everything right as presented in this blog. Yet things have been unsatisfying for a while. She is angry because his way of saying thanks for her 24/7 hard work is to tell her he doesn’t find her attractive anymore. He is angry because she can’t get over feeling shame and just “fix things” the way they used to be and give him his sexual fantasies.

    I certainly understand how a situation like this can develop. Women want a women’s world, and men want a men’s world. It’s human selfishness expressed in different ways. And both people have to get over that selfishness to get from “me” to “we.”

    But the idea that it’s all on the women to make things better . . . and if they don’t do it all just right . . . they’ll lose . . . that’s undoubtedly me reading into things, but I will never be able to give a man the fantasy of perfection and gentleness and submissiveness that he craves. I can give him respect and honor and be a cheerleading squad of sorts . . . but I have no perky breasts, no shiny blonde hair, no tight butt, no helpless baby girl muscles, no ability to overlook the fact that he loves his penis most of all . . .

    I have no clue how I, being a real, flawed human being, can be both real and vulnerable and open and yet also create the impression that I am the perfect lady/goddess/sex machine that men seem to secretly want (even though they themselves are not the semi-divine creatures they think they are).

    I’m not a man, and I don’t want to be. Neither am I a lesbian, and I certainly don’t want to be. I want to have a real relationship with a real man who wants a real woman.

    But in trying to learn the lessons of femininity my generation was largely denied, I just feel overwhelmed. I don’t see how I can learn them and still be the woman God made me to be.

    Your Highness Edith Mcklveen,

    What a marvelous invitation to rebuttal. Thank you for the clarity in tying so much together in one package. You are one or missed the boat as both a teacher and good one.

    I will respond with an article in a day or two.


    • silberstreak


      I found your comments very interesting but must say I recall no posting on this blog where it’s stated, or even implied, that a woman hoping to find a husband and be happy in marriage must have a model-perfect
      face & figure.

      Your Highness Silberstreak,

      Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman or handy man joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

      And I thank you for the accurate defense of the blog. Stay tuned. I will be defending it in a day or two with a separate article.


  3. Meow Meow

    Sir Guy, I too have a question. The concept of femininity you present often involves silence, mystery, modesty, almost a kind of stoicism, deep connection to God…to me this comes across almost as having masculine qualities, because when I was growing up, girlishness/femininity was thought of as being bubbly, giggly, emotional, talkative, flighty, even needy. How to reconcile the two views? Do men recognize both as ways of being feminine? Is the first way respected more then the latter I describe?

    Thanks for your insight. I love this series, by the way.

    Your Highness Meow Meow,

    You’re right. The first way is actually masculine but more self-serving in action for a woman; she seeks to accommodate her man’s preferences by reserving her thoughts until the air clears as to what’s best for her and them. It describes what adult men prefer and more easily understand, because mystery of what she thinks translates to her not giving him guff or being a pain with whom to associate. Also, she’s easy to live with when she’s more girlish, which makes her “bubbly, giggly, emotional, talkative, flighty, even needy” and removes any threat of his being wrong or wronged.

    The second way is natural for girls and women. It helps them associate with one another. Living with a man, unless she’s too juvenile, it can be a virtue because it keeps her attitude lifted out of the doldrums. No threat, so it’s okay to him.


  4. prettybeans

    Sir Guy,

    Quick question on #4 in this post – could you please help me understand what you mean by ‘being unnoticeable but uniquely feminine’.

    It sounds like a paradox to me because the more uniquely feminine I dress then the more I do stand out – for being different.

    I have previously understood that modest & feminine attire and general bodily presentation does not mean drab but rather tasteful and its primary purpose is to make a lady feel so utterly feminine (through mirror time) that she’s able to attract enough attention to enable her make an informed choice..

    Help 😉

    Your Highness Prettybeans,

    You’re right about a paradox.

    Feminine appearance attracts but loses a mite of charm when ‘broadcast’ openly, especially when socializing in groups. If with a group of women, mystique arises when her attitude is to let others show off as she separates herself from the attention getters. Not to wander off but involved on the perimeter rather than the center. If with a man or among men, much mystery comes from avoiding the spotlight. She primarily listens and smiles.

    She’s so attractive, yet she must not be snobbish about her beauty, which adds more mystery. Men think, if I were that pretty I’d want more attention paid to me, which gains more manly attention, which puts the guys in competition to capture her attention, which enables her to screen better.

    She gains the most when her attractiveness is treated as normal, no big deal. It enables a man’s curiosity to fire up and his imagination to run wild with interest and desire. It can more easily erupt in dedication to capture her.

    #4 intends but inadequately suggests all that.


  5. prettybeans

    Ah much much clearer now.

    I was mistakenly focused singularly on the obvious physical attire rather than the more subtle psychological allure.

    Now I’m off to seek opportunities to test this..

    Much obliged Sir

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