The superior gender has this huge personal advantage. The feminine side of her femaleness holds the potential for any woman to become a sweetly-disguised alpha character who harmonizes and generates a permanent marriage. By suppressing her natural urge to push both her inconsiderate husband and imperfect self toward perfection, she can endorse husband as ruling the roost, and thus empower herself to indirectly rule the rooster.
- Program your heart and mind for success as a woman who captures and a wife who keeps a good husband. Duplicate what you did as a 9-12 year old. Dream about it frequently and imagine it as already achieved for that’s how re-programming of your heart and mind brightens your future. Don’t complain or try to explain why you’ve failed so far. It’s self-defeating and works against you. (One researcher said over 99 percent of human behavior is motivated by the subconscious rather than the conscious mind. Without judgment, it reliably takes you toward what you think about frequently and emotionally. It doesn’t know if you want or don’t want what you think about or even if it’s good or bad for you. The subconscious mind can’t discriminate, so always think about what you desire and not what you seek to avoid or have lost.)
- Make your sexual history a forbidden subject and suppress talking about sex and female-sensitive things with a man. A lady doesn’t do that. (Of course, a diamond ring qualifies to open the subject of sex but nasty stuff should remain verboten and your sexual history remain as undisclosed as possible. Why? Because the competitive male nature drives men to compare their performance in bed with that of predecessors. If you describe him as ‘better’, much too likely he will want to prove his prowess to other women. If you describe him in any way as less capable or amorous than your exes, he too likely will hold it against you as he convinces himself that you see him as underperforming in bed. Or he might throw exes in your face to win some argument later in life. Either way, although perhaps not fatal for your relationship, his respect and your likeability waver or decline in his eyes if you disclose or he figures out how he compares with another man in your bed.)
- The less you raise your voice, the more authoritative you become when you need to demand something and win. Don’t overuse it; pick only the battles you absolutely have to win. You should anticipate to yell at him no more than three times during your whole marriage. It’s very feminine, strengthening, and skillful to repeatedly say to yourself until it becomes common practice, “I have to keep my voice down.” You’ll be amazed at how easy he is to handle when you’re calm, display an undeserved but forgiving spirit, and exercise great patience .
- The wife, the marriage, and the family are weakened by premarital sex. That lady is strongest and more dedicated to husband, home, and family who convinces her man to live without their having sex together until after marriage. Her monument is the greater likelihood of permanent marriage. (Unless, that is, she changes into someone else after they marry, which is toxic because a man doesn’t marry someone else. He expects to keep for life the same woman he met at the altar. She, he can live with. Some other version of her, he can’t.)
- If employed outside the home and people report to you: Lead and manage with feminine and modest attitude rather than trying to copy masculine style and techniques. If male bosses yell, you whisper but get your job done. Insist on getting your way gently—but persistently get it. Effective authority is neither orders nor discipline, but an aura surrounding the boss that silently motivates followers to do things right with virtually no prompting; they want to please a boss who doesn’t abuse her authority, which men are prone to do to impatiently achieve corrected results or impose their will or taste. Whereas feminine women usually persuade more pleasantly and with significant patience. For direct reports that are mistake-prone, too little discipline (feminine way) works much better than too much (masculine way). There is only self-motivation, and softer discipline better suits the culprit, fits feminine nature, and is underwritten with respect and the absence of threat and resistance caused by animosity or anger.
I am open to challenges or questions about the items in this series. Being more feminine is both tough for you to be and me to explain, particularly after so many years of Feminism and the anti-female, anti-chastity, anti-marriage, anti-religious, and anti-family pop culture.
Many lessons can be learned by comparing the polar opposites of Feminism and Femininity. We’ll contrast some of them in Part 06.