2448. Male Dominance and Who Handles It: Part IV

Female self-development  is continuous for life. Girls and women have a primal need for a brighter future, and so they focus on shaping tomorrow to match their wishes, intentions, and ambitions. They develop in response to that primal urge.

The present day happens much like they planned it yesterday. Both physically and mentally, they work at it 24/7. Their future isn’t bright enough, if they can do anything else today to improve or achieve more tomorrow. By tirelessly trying to be ahead in their game of life, they develop as smarter and more able to coach others.

Each woman is driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. She also wants help to handle weaknesses, disruptions, catastrophes, and loneliness. A man’s physical strength, mental determination, and drive to achieve best fit her hopes and needs. His natural dominance helps enable him in his helpful role, and so she in effect takes advantage of something she can resent later if she wants to.

Whereas men fear insignificance, a woman fears abandonment by those she endears, especially father and mate. Challenges to her mate’s dominant nature can lead to separation, which in her mind amounts to being left adrift, abandoned. And so, her greatest fear promotes respect of his dominant nature, which encourages her to find ways to use it. It’s natural to her development.

Each female is born pretty and knows it in her heart of hearts. However, prettiness is a belief easily denied and even lost if as a child she’s mistreated or convinced by others or even herself that she’s other than pretty. Nevertheless, she dreams of and longs for the guy who will call her beautiful. When a man’s thoughts run along that line, she accepts his dominance as just part of the deal of thinking her beautiful.

Women seek self-importance, which they earn by making themselves valuable to others. It’s an amazing paradox too. It doesn’t work to impress directly that she is important. Her self-importance improves by uplifting someone else with her gratitude for them, which adds to their worthiness, which returns to her indirectly as she’s important to them.

Recognizing her man’s dominance, such as by directly showing respect for who he is, helps settle their indirect negotiation of how much of his dominance is acceptable to her, which induces him to back off trying to prove it unnecessarily. IOW, acknowledging his dominant role adds to her importance, which advances her development for dealing with men or man.

More paradoxical for raising kids because each is also a self-developer, she indirectly adds to their importance by being grateful for who and what they are to her. Their gratitude then returns to her in the form of her importance to them.

Consequently, her path to happiness is first finding self-gratitude in who and what she is in her life, which enables her to be grateful for others and express it so that it returns to reinforce her sense of importance, which generates her happiness. Shortened for clarity, happiness flows from her gratefulness for herself and the people around her and things that add to or signify her importance (his dominant nature, obedient children, beautiful gown, jewelry gift, or new washer/dryer).

Driven by DNA or genes to try harder and not quit, women endlessly develop themselves. They can always do better. Born to be a good person, they do good and keep on trying. It confirms their goodness, importance, and adds to development maturity.

Their best contributions come from getting men to do good, for which men have only the ability and not the ambition until women teach them otherwise. As wife coaches husband to do good, he becomes better in her eyes, which adds to her importance and fulfills her primal ambition to do good and thereby prove her goodness. It may also reduce his inclination to have to impose and prove his dominance to her when they next disagree. Thus, benefits redound to her as she coaches hubby to do good things.

A woman senses this as a beneficial tradeoff: Wife yields dominance of the present to husband in order to solicit his support for her dominance of their future together. She doesn’t always succeed, but a default motivation stirs her to never stop trying to get her way, which fits her determination to be important, which advances her development to be good, which makes her a good woman, which men expect when they marry.

Those are some of the arguments I would make to explain why patriarchy has been around for seven or so millennia and the matriarchy dreams of feminists are wishful more than achievable.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, marriage, sex differences

3 responses to “2448. Male Dominance and Who Handles It: Part IV

  1. Words of wisdom here. I have observed this in my marriage, too. Hubby is in the present, I am busy shaping the nest for tomorrow. Not being aware of that difference between men and women, can create a surprising amount of conflict. Patriarchy works well for everyone involved, it aligns with our natural biology, with the nature of who we are.

  2. Meow Meow

    Sometimes I find along with male dominance come nasty surprises….I have privacy/trust issues because I grew up in a family where there were few boundaries. My hubs knows this but will suddenly do things that affect me such as “I installed a new program on your computer” or “I changed the locks on the doors” or “I took out cash on our credit card to pay our monthly bills.” Clearly he is doing what he thinks is best in the moment but I’m the kind that would like some warning that he’s going to do these things. I feel upset/worried that there will be other surprises he’s going to unleash on me next! If our history together had shown he was a calmer more stable person I’d be able to trust him. Hubby is angry that I’m not grateful for doing what he sees as sensible. Instead I am getting hung up on the “how” he is doing things. I can tell I am losing his respect, he thinks I’m ungrateful of his recent good intentions and being silly. But after years of his being irresponsible financially (won’t tell me what he has run up in credit card debt) and with recent pornography, i am leery when anything is sprung on me out of the blue! I absolutely am happy he is finally stepping up to the plate and being less passive in other ways I.e. working hard. He’s barely slept for the last month. I can tell he’s trying to become worthy of pride in himself again ( I know its not really for me, but for his own self-image…..my compliments mean nothing to him because he does not respect me/maybe is embarrassed that I saw him at his worst?) It seems he runs in only two modes—“Passive” or “Aggressive”! Should I keep my worries to myself and just “Yes Dear” everything? My lack of boundaries before seemed to exacerbate his financial/porn irresponsibility. I became a workhorse to support us all and could never relax…. Hubby is getting back on his feet financially and beginning to be able to provide for us again. Feeling his oats and I sense he either wants to dominate me or dump me! Should I keep a suitcase packed up and ready to go? (My husband is a very volatile man. “From 0 to 60” as I call it.) Frankly I just want us to be happy. I would love the chance to relax more, work less and take care of the nest more, and support/cheer on his hard work…..After many years I’ve learned that if daddy ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy. I’m wanting more peace and less surprises in life. He sees nothing wrong with chaos. How to have healthy boundaries (so I’m not mistreated) and also bring harmony? In some ways it feels like we’re starting over again!

    Your Highness Meow Meow,

    First, I endorse what Insanitybytes22 said. She’s a wise lady.

    Second, I like your own answer: “In some ways it feels like we’re starting over again!”

    Having done it before, you know how but with new information: new objectivity, new motivations out of you and him, different anxieties for yourself with experience to modify what needs modifying, new ways to satisfy him that he’s doing the right things (no history and don’t look back), new standards to match current events, and no need for a packed suitcase as it shapes your attitude negatively.

    Third, keep on keeping on. Your news is good and getting greater. Quit digging for inadequacies and shape what you have into adequacy. You can do it. You’re a women, wife, lover, mother, companion, friend, and good conveyor of what all you have to work with.


    • That sounds so challenging Meow meow! I don’t know the situation, but my instincts tell me you need to invest in yourself, focus on yourself. You said, “I’m wanting more peace and less surprises in life. He sees nothing wrong with chaos.” You need to find that peace for yourself and than let him align with you, rather than the other way around.

      I think in general men tend to enjoy risk, chaos, far more than women do. We’re often a bit more interested in peace and safety, so some of that men/women conflict is unavoidable, but often you can get men to come alongside you, to tone it down, if you set the example. Sometimes when men don’t respect us, it is because we are not respecting ourselves.

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