2449. Male Dominance and Who Handles It: Part V

I continue to explain men to women. All goes pretty well except for getting women to understand the two male sex drives without them taking offense. Seemingly connected to feminist propaganda, their minds don’t want to open. The loudest complaint is that it’s unfair, men shouldn’t be that way, and they change the subject.

That isn’t the way to learn something new (of course they could be objecting to me personally). The result is that women forego their natural ability to deal with men successfully. So I keep trying to find simpler explanations, such as the following that also explains the primal need for male dominance.

The harder I try, the more complicated my writing and confused I become from lack of feedback that women understand it. Finally, I think I can describe where it all comes from, the root as it were. To me, it is now simple to explain, and I hope the following conveys the same result to you.

How we are designed as a species is critical to understanding men and women. It may be too deep background for this blog. However, it enables me to more clearly explain the male sex drive, which is critical to understanding male motivations successfully and managing relationships more pleasantly.

At the macro level of humanity, each sex is designed for compatibility in order to propagate the species. Men have two sex drives and women have two love drives. The primal purpose matches the strongest and weakest drives, one sex connected in common interest with one love.

The strongest love, mother love, matches up with the strongest male desire, which is to have sex with sexually attractive females. Spreading their seed—given the unpredictability of female ovulation—improves the odds of impregnation at the macro level. Mother love handles the results. But that isn’t enough to fulfill the primordial design, that humans won’t die out; unprotected children die too easily.

Each sex has a weaker drive too. Women love others; they are encouraged because it makes them happier when they do so. Men are strongly motivated to have access to sex but with a lesser but efficient urge to make it frequent and convenient. It motivates them to have a female nearby, which positions women to attract one to love and to help raise the children—permanently too, if possible, as the kids won’t be around forever.

Male dominance arises from that primordial root. It helps ensure enough conquests spread enough seed and serves later to do what’s necessary to have frequent and convenient sex. Women are born with their equivalent of male dominance, which is the ability to love develop, guide, and manage relationships, which better enables the handling of a mate in the raising and survival of children.

He wants to have a woman nearby. She wants to have extra protection for her children. So, why not mate? She has her love drive to connect with him, and I expect it arose from the female’s relationship expertise that marriage developed in order to more effectively seal a couple’s deal of raising children.

In the primordial sense, male dominance helps to both spread seed and protect children. While voluntary for men, finding long-range interest in a woman he has impregnated makes a man available to be kept nearby. Using her love drive, she can then expand on his ability to provide and produce in order to make their partnership more efficient and successful.

Consequently, because females may have no say about impregnation, one could say the primary motivation of women is to provide frequent and convenient sex so she can earn the support of a mate to help raise children to adulthood. All else is secondary or less.

However, it begs the question. Is sex enough to keep him with her? Women think her love should be adequate; she gives her all. However, the answer revolves around whether she can induce him to love her because to him she is unique, likeable, dependent on his dominance, and respectful of who he is and grateful for what he does. But that’s another story for another time.


Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, marriage, sex differences, The mind

7 responses to “2449. Male Dominance and Who Handles It: Part V

  1. You do a lovely job of explaining things. I think it takes a lot of surrendered pride to try to look at men honestly and it can be hard on women, it’s scary. Believe it or not, we actually tend to idealize men, so some illusions must be dispensed with in order to understand. And feminism has made a mess of things, too.

  2. Miss Gina

    Dear Sir Guy,

    I am sorry, Sir Guy. Once I understood the male sex drive as explained by you, it made so much sense that I forgot what it was like to not understand it. (my husba nd had helped me understand much of it beforehand). I am not sure how any woman doesn’t see it, but I will take a stab at explaining your excellent treatise to ladies in direct woman-speak, as I got the idea you were hoping for some thoughts from the female side.

    To waste time whining over fairness just makes less time for learning to be adept at managing it. Yes, I did use the word “whining.” Much as we may wish for it to be so, Disney fairytales are not the reality in any realm of life (I actually limited my kids’ exposure to Disney somewhat because it does tend to dampen the understanding of reality–don’t worry, they got plenty of pretending and are well-adjusted, creative adults!)

    However, we women are not sentenced to lives of woe, because other forces work in our favor. Number One is the Judeo-Christian, Western civilization value system currently under attack. In direct contrast to the *whining* claims of feminism, it is the most female-friendly civilization in the history of the world. It gave us the concept of chivalry in its formal sense (code of knighthood) and in its general sense (opening doors for women, etc.). Reading about the *real* knightly code of chivalry is very educational, as this is actually what transformed Western men from gruff tribal warlord brutes who raped and pillaged defeated opponents to manly Christian war heroes with soft spots for women and children.

    These cultural forces were so powerful in the recent past as to largely suppress the “wild oats” sex drive in the mass of men. Not to say it was entirely gone, but that young men largely were expected to do everything the way women wished they would. I am not so foolish as to believe they always did, but I do believe they mostly or largely did.

    Men were expected to marry, but not before they had established themselves in a career to a degree that would support a wife and family. This expectation channeled much of their (sexual) energies into building a future for their wives, frequently before they had met them.

    Boys were taught awe and respect for all women by how they were to treat mothers and sisters. This went a long way toward grown men seeing women as more than pieces of meat. (Sorry if that bursts someone’s bubble, but that’s how the untrained, spoiled, male product of the sexual revolution sees us.)

    This is not to say that Christian men of other cultures cannot be good men. I am simply speaking of what I know.

    Second thing working in her favor is this desire for frequent and convenient sex that Sir Guy speaks of. If this seems a bit crass, let’s examine the female desire for security that manifests itself in the desire for a man to work and pay for a home that is comfortable and attractive *as the woman defines it,* when he would be happy living in the woods. It’s a fair tradeoff.

    Third items working for her are the personality and physical attributes of the female, which are entirely under her control. A pleasant, respectful woman who continually develops her mind, grows in various useful skills, always has a little surprise up her sleeve, and always looks her best self is much less likely to have a cheating husband. That’s too much work, someone says. And yet, don’t we expect a husband who is always growing in useful skills around the house, who keeps trim and clean, goes to work when he doesn’t feel like it, and doesn’t take his frustrations out on us? Oh, plus he has to learn to please us in bed and communicate in woman-speak and listen endlessly to our problems while suppressing his manly urges to just offer solutions and get some peace for himself!

    Finally, if I haven’t offended anyone yet, I may be about to. If understanding the male sex nature seems upsetting or confusing, let us ask ourselves how much pop culture we are filling our minds with in the forms of movies, TV, novels, magazines, music, etc. In contrast, how much time do we feed our minds and spirits with scripture? Scripture reveals the male and female natures through story after story. Rather than condemn men, it accepts them as God made them, with guidance for directing their natures into proper channels. It’s a great background for understanding people in general.

    I’m sorry, I’m afraid this may be a little brusque. Unfortunately, I don’t think I have any soft words to offer today. Please accept my intentions as affectionate, dear ladies, even if my words may be a touch on the direct side.

    Your Highness Miss Gina,
    Thanks. You provided much more than I hoped for and with clarity that I admire. Please inject your words into this blog at any time you sense they will help. (I’ll not be surprised to hear that your husband married over his head. Tell him well done in picking you.)

    • jubilee

      sounds like what my dad once said:
      if a man has/had sex BEFORE HE WAS ABLE TO BE ESTABLISHED IN A CAREER–or could take care of himself…. much less married–hes ruined…
      the sex drive caused women to save—men to work
      and why it was strongest in teens

    • prettybeans

      Miss Gina,
      Thank you for taking the time to articulate your very well thought out points.

      You highlight truth and help Sir Guy in his valiant efforts to teach us.

      There are many things that are ‘not fair’ for a woman but as you say, there are corresponding responsibilities and expectations to the man which make a fair trade off and make the couple a proper and well functioning team

    • Sharon

      Excellent summary and explanation, Miss Gina! “Whining” IS the appropriate word. “Developing the mind, growing in various useful skills, and working to keep looking her best” ARE appropriate, on-purpose behaviors. Also, to devote time to filling the mind with the stories and life guidelines of Scripture (seek to know God), rather than bathing in the shallows of TV, movies, and endless “entertainment,” technological and otherwise. Too many women seem trapped and maneuvered by the culture around us, rather than realizing they have choices for learning, growing, and developing themselves and serving others — and ultimately, cultivating a higher culture.

  3. prettybeans

    Sir Guy,
    I am so thankful for your steady efforts in making this information accessible to us.

    ‘Story for another day…’
    Yes please!

  4. Kay

    Sir Guy,
    I think many women are either in denial of the true nature of men or they are genuinely uninformed. It can be hard to digest that a man could be so motivated by sex unlike us , and it can make us feel objectified and only valued for all the wrong reasons. I have a wonderful husband of 30 years but I have to admit I was prickly over this reality of the nature of men vs. women when I really started to grasp it years ago. I think comparing husband stories with my good female friends over the years actually made me understand and accept the realities of the male nature. As ridiculous as this sounds, I had to keep telling myself that my husband was born this way and he couldn’t help it!! Hahaha! Reading your blog has helped me understand even more. You have total credibility with me because you are a man from a wonderful generation that I admire and you write about these topics in a direct but non crude way .
    I have been educating my daughter about boys since she was young and she is now in her mid twenties. This information has helped her make wise decisions in her dating life and has helped her avoid some heartbreak. I sincerely hope that you have a lot of young women reading your blog and that mothers everywhere are educating their daughters. This is SO key to changing this discouraging culture.
    Ps. Miss Gina , your comments are right on the money!!

    Your Highness Kay,
    Thank you. I love it when pretty mothers pitch in to help here.

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