For Your Highness Prettybeans, here’s the ‘story for another day’ that you requested.
Is sex enough to keep him with her? A woman knows how to love, nurture, and solicit cooperation. She thinks her ability should be adequate, because she intends to give her all. Therefore, by keeping him satisfied sexually, she should be able to keep him. She’s mistaken. The incentives to keep him mainly interested in her—his ‘keepiness’—lie outside sexual events.
The following is a complex model reduced to simple principles. Of course, small exceptions exist when applied in real life, but non-sexual events produce the best results for keeping a marriage together.
For life: They will primarily judge each other this way. He’s more impressed by what he sees her do. She’s more impressed by what she hears from him. It starts with first encounter.
His role: If he doesn’t invest of himself deeply in order to earn her, his commitment to her will not last long enough to suit her. Furthermore, it’s not his words that invest himself. Actions program the masculine heart. His actions to please her—and not necessarily that please her—contribute, increase his desire, and promote her promise as mate in his mind and heart.
His primary objective is to earn self-admiration by conquering her for their first sex together. As she diligently resists and still keeps his interest in her, she earns more of his respect. She can’t earn too much. The more she earns, the greater grows the foundation of his love. Thus, the potential for his greatest love arises out of her resistance for the maximum time. But, of course, Nature intervenes and her intensifying love sooner or later wins out over her determined resistance.
Meanwhile, as he searches for her weaknesses and she continues to resist, he discovers that she has qualities that he can admire. The more he searches, the more qualities he uncovers. Each admired quality becomes a virtue to him, and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. But think of that differently from what women think, that virginity is the sacred virtue. In fact, men don’t favor virginity for purity but for the symbolism of beating all those other guys to the main prize.
Which begs the question: Why should females save themselves for their husband? To generate greater self-respect and earn greater respect of men generally and one man in particular, both of which generate greater love in a man, which provides extra insurance that her marriage will be successful enough to fulfill her girlhood hopes and dreams.
Contrary to woman-think, when she pleases him or uses nurturing techniques, she earns very little or nothing by way of his commitment. A man appreciates her pleasing him, but when he accomplishes nothing but is given something, it’s an unearned gift that doesn’t influence him—sex included. IOW, his appreciation doesn’t change his investment of himself, and so his commitment doesn’t deepen. Even her love of him has much less influence with him than with her own emotional bonding.
Also contrary to woman-think, sex doesn’t bond a man, and so he looks for much more. Each woman is unique, but to a marrying man one is more unique than others. He pays little attention to her claims of having the features and qualities he admires as virtues. Not her words, but instead, he judges by her actions.
As requirements, she’s both attractive enough and sexually attractive. She’s also likeable, loveable, loyal, feminine, dependent on his dominance, respectful of who he is, and grateful for what he does.
Of course I exaggerate somewhat, but this principle is valid. A man wants to talk to a pretty female listener. If pretty to him, she qualifies and women should listen more and better. When he talks about himself, it’s a satisfying action that earns a few degrees of commitment (as if one could measure it). If she’s impressed, then he admires himself, the search for which is his prime motivation. The greater satisfaction he finds in talking to her, the greater her chances of keeping him interested in her. (Yes, too much of her talk both about her and even him reduces his interest. He expects her to be his primary listening post and not the reverse. If not now then why later?)
Part of the masculine character is expressing satisfaction with himself to someone. If not his wife, it’s much harder to keep his interests centered in the home.
Given enough chaste time together and enough of his actions to please her as he tries to uncover her weaknesses, he morphs into another character. From man determined to conquer at whatever the cost, he slowly evolves into doing more rather than harder to please her. Trying with ever more determined actions to win her, it programs his heart to appreciate even more her presence in his life, which develops into devotion to her and brightens her prospects for fulfilling her hopes and dreams. Thus, with enough chaste time together, his devotion and personal dedication make their subsequent marriage an easy-to-harmonize lifetime endeavor for her. (The same devotion thing happens immediately to the man who falls in love at first sight, but that event isn’t everyday common.)
Eventually, when satisfied that he has accomplished what it takes to win his choice of a mate, men walk their own way into marriage. Her ability to satisfy his yearning to talk to a pretty woman paved the path to the altar.
That’s part of the man’s side of the marital equation, hers comes next post.