2451. Why Isn’t Sex Enough? II — Her Side-a


This series hopes to show why sex won’t enable a woman to keep a man. They are designed to be compatible, but they have to arrange it. First, he expects much more than sex in exchange for his freedom. For instance, his primal need is for a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare to fight his dragons next day. Her primal want is for someone close by to depend upon when needed. Second, she has multiple abilities and attractions that a man can respect and love, provided that she acts like a woman who deserves a special man to respect and love her.

It begs the question: Just what is that? Answer: How she conducts herself and their relationship to meet the expectations of both mates and promote and enhance their emotional glue such as mutual love rather than emotional negatives such as blame.

Of course exceptions exist and sometimes end with lifetime marriage, but most men don’t marry a gal who chips in with cheap and easy sex. If she gives in easily, his conquest is no significant accomplishment, there is little self-admiration from it, and he has effectively been given an unearned gift. None of which impresses a man favorably for anything more than perhaps more sex.

In fact, the more he has to work to earn her, the more he invests of self, and the more valuable she becomes in his eyes. His efforts add to her likeability, desirability, fascination, promise, and perception of her loyalty. One can’t invest self into something without highly appreciating the return on his investment.

Her Challenges

Woman meets man. They engage in the process that leads to marriage. He starts out with dreams to conquer her. She starts out with girlhood hopes and dreams lingering in her heart. It’s up to her to melt the two dreams into one, which requires two things that go against the man’s interest: her resistance and time required to capture him with her qualities other than sex. (I presume she seeks a lifetime marriage, and chaste early stages are not critical but it helps immensely to allow time for his devotion to develop.)

Her role: She is in charge throughout the process from first encounter all the way to the altar, but she operates patiently, indirectly, and tactfully. She puts him in charge of initiating what they do. In background she focuses and shapes her thinking to find respect for who he is, gratitude for what he does, and dependence on him to please her instead of her pleasing him. And she should do it all while remaining faithful to her heart and expectations for a good life ahead, which enables her to avoid becoming totally dominated.

There is so much more to her premarital and marital behavior that lead to either partnering successfully or separating. It continues tomorrow.

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Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, Her glory, How she wins, marriage

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