Perhaps this is why men are seen as simple beings. It compares how men are different at birth from what women criticize later in life.
He marries expecting that HIS marriage will be simple and thus good. He screens and tests her to be sure their life together will turn out to match his decision-making hopes. He has an inadequately defined short list of expectations for her. (However, it will grow later and lose simplicity when he sees things he can’t respect, like, or tolerate.)
A prospective bride can list and visualize dozens of clearly defined expectations to fulfill HER marriage. IOW, what she expects of husband to fulfill her hopes and dreams. Do you see a possibility for disconnect? He expects simple; she plots the opposite.
Most of what she expects, he doesn’t know are plans for him. She may explain a lot, but the details escape him. She over-prepares and he under-prepares. He’s mostly willing to step into his marital shoes, because he knows he can handle whatever she can’t. All will go well until it doesn’t. That’s how he faces the future or he wouldn’t play the game. Should something go wrong, he will deal with it if she can’t.
So, they marry and start living together with his expecting it to duplicate their courtship relationship. Her bright smiles and no complaints signify that she’s happy, or so he muses. Since happy is not a state that men seek, her smiles confirm that she’s satisfied. That must include him or she’d be complaining. She must have everything well in hand. For the most part she excludes him from everyday problems. He’s satisfied that she takes care of home while he takes care of outside the home. His satisfaction is the equivalent of her happiness that he measures by her satisfied smiles and lack of complaints.
So, he needn’t worry, he must be pleasing her, no reason to feel guilty, and all goes well. He expects it to continue forever. It’s the man’s view of how marriage works and succeeds.
It’s how things ought to be. His expectations are met and he’s free to continue with his daily goals that produce self-satisfaction. It’s what he expects from his marriage; she makes everything come out just fine.
On that basis, their process of marital compatibility continues when reinforced by her actions and supportive words. Since respect and trust are reciprocal, then her continuous smiles without complaint signify that she’s happy and it keeps this process in motion: 1) His trust reveals that she handles everything well, which signifies to her that he respects her. 2) His respect of her returns to him as her trust of him, which satisfies him that he accomplishes what he seeks. 3) His increased respect of her shows up as increased trust of her. 4) Her fear of being abandoned fades away as his respect and trust of her accumulate. 5) With less fear, anxiety moves aside, and she keeps her smiles in place and registers no or few complaints. 6) He satisfies himself that marriage was a good decision. 7) His satisfaction and trust empower her to harmonize home and relationship to suit her intentions. She’s free to pursue the happiness that won’t come to her fully until late in life when her girlhood hopes and dreams are realized.
And that, dear ladies, is the way men are hardwired to expect life with a woman. With that process in place, men go happily along with hopes and ego firmly rooted in having done the right thing to choose her and their love blossoms on the strength of her ability to simplify life together.
Now ladies, I know you object. The burden seems all on her. But you see, she’s born that way and so is he. She’s blessed with but he lacks all the talent and skills to make their life simple and therefore good to him. So, if she doesn’t, a happy lifetime marriage doesn’t get done.
P.S. One lady’s description of her experience draws this confirming picture. My thanks to Insanitybytes22:
“This was really well said. I remember when we were first married my husband would often protest, “I’m a simple man!” I had no idea what that even meant. He really did think all I needed to do was smile and not complain and all would be well in his world. Women aren’t like that at all, we are far more complex and involved in all the details of everyday life. So hubby would frustrate me no end, because he couldn’t understand that my life was not simple at all.
“It took a while, but over the years I learned that it really is that simple, he is pleased, happy, content if I simply smile and don’t complain. That’s all he needs. My life is certainly not simple, but pleasing my husband really is. We women have a tendency to try to do all these “things” and “stuff,” when in fact it often [is] the simplest of things that bring contentment to men. Once hubby became content, I was free to create my own contentment for myself and that’s when things began to get really good.”