Your Highness Milena,
Your comments at post 2468 are so clear and well thought out that I owe you more. I originally mistook it as anger. I retreat and respond by copying you below and responding in bold and two parts.
Hi Sir Guy,
Doesn’t the woman give up her freedom as well as she gets married, even more than the man?
A. In the female nature, freedom is insignificant compared to that of the male. Her primal want is for someone stronger upon whom she can rely for help when needed and companionship when wanted. His primal want is for personal independence, which makes it a huge recruiting challenge for women, if they want a man of their own.
(according to the traditional view of marriage as you described, where the woman is supposed to be the flexible, easy-going one, who never complains or else.)
A. Women are naturally flexible and can and do change to get their way and what they want. Men tend to not change and especially not at a woman’s insistence (except to please a woman into yielding their first sex together).
You have not read here that women should be easy going or never complain or else. The greatest effect wives have on husbands—in order for the wife to get her way in their life together—is for him to enjoy a life of her smiles and her lack of complaining. It’s extremely simplified, but he’s in marriage mostly for satisfying R&R; she’s there to create relationships, build family togetherness, and earn happiness.
(Feminists tend to call it unequal, but just calling it that forms a bias within a couple that generates competition and makes lasting togetherness more unlikely. The more feminine and thereby smarter wives specialize in avoiding competition and getting their way with cooperation.)
Why should only the man be rewarded for [giving up freedom]?
A.Because it is so important that he can’t be recruited and held by one woman unless he’s rewarded for husbanding and fathering. Frequent and convenient access to sex is his ‘right’ earned by conquest. She gave in so he must be good enough for her. Her acceptance wins her greatest asset, so he is good enough to own their sexual agenda.
Moreover, women refuse to understand or accept this. Sex bonds her but conquest doesn’t bond him. Actually two things happen. First, his respect of her for resisting his mighty and determined effort stops growing. The growing respect she earns proportional to diligent guarding of her sexual assets ends abruptly. She’s another conquered woman, and his sex drive shifts from pursuit to whim. Second, he’s free in his mind to move on. It’s nature, whether women like it or not. So, if they don’t get ‘hooks’ of commitment deeply embedded in a man’s psyche before conquest, he may just move on without her.
To be honest, I don’t quite see the advantages for women in getting married.
A. By nature men are present oriented and women future oriented. Marriage is the glue that fulfills her nature to mold a lasting relationship in family building. First, to have someone she can love before and care for with children around. Second, to have a mutually supportive companionship late in life. Her advantages come from the gratitude she finds and distributes along the way that earn her a sense of being happy.
As to her man, he gets whatever she provides in terms of a satisfying life together. When she does it right, she finds after a couple of decades that he has morphed into her Mr. Right, which makes her a more grateful woman. Admittedly after the fact, but that’s the life of a woman; her rewards come late in life because she lives for the future and not the present as do men.
In fact, I’m beginning to think that I’d rather not. Why should I put all this effort in trying to be a perfect wife so my husband doesn’t run off with a younger specimen, when there are so many more interesting things to do?
A. Just like with sex, the perfect wife will never be able to hold a man. Such a wife effectively pushes him out the door. Measuring by what is produced, just about anything is more interesting than trying to be the perfect wife.
My biggest fear is not to be abandoned, but to be enslaved to someone else’s wants and needs.
A. I smell feminist propaganda. What part of wanting to love someone makes thoughts of enslavement arise? Any such connection makes love impossible. In fact, true love seeks to fulfill another’s wants and needs.
This is a good point to break. Continued tomorrow as Part II.