2481. CAUSES and EFFECTS — Group 09

It’s all relative. Society doesn’t stand still, and women set the standards.

Old school. Women seek marriage before sex. When a woman denies sex to the man, he doesn’t take rejection personally. He blames the rejectionist for moral, religious, or female hang-ups, which assuages his ego. His self-esteem and self-image don’t take unrecoverable hits. He understands that women are in charge of sexual assets and standards surrounding their use, if he hopes to ever succeed in his chase. His self-interest keeps him in pursuit of sex targets without a spirit of wanting to punish for rejection. He can live with her refusals and can enlarge his determination because of it.

New school. When most females provide free, open, and casual sex with little or no commitment, males take rejection personally. A boy or man knows she’s doing it with other guys but not him. Why just him? His self-esteem bottoms out. His self-image as a ‘good man’ with a woman dwindles. His ego takes a humongous hit after his imagination ruminates over her put down. His self-interest shifts toward revenge mode. The spirit of wanting to punish for rejection blossoms in his mind if not his heart.

Some males cannot recover one and much less repeated refusals. Rejections can spin boy or man toward awful revenge—think stalkers, school massacres, date rapists, serial rapists. They can’t escape blame, but the source of stimulation lies with cultural values that encourage free and easy sex.


Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, Feminism: OOPS!, Sociology 101

4 responses to “2481. CAUSES and EFFECTS — Group 09

  1. M

    But wouldn’t the kinds of men who are rejected for sex also be rejected for marriage and for dating/courtship leading to marriage? Why didn’t being rejected for a date lead to a similar outcome?

    Your Highness M,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    Re your question: A man rejected for sex can still be a potential candidate for dating, courtship, or marriage. I presume those rejected are not previous sex partners. IOW, had the gal yielded, it would have been his conquest and their firsts sex together.

    His acceptance of her rejection but refusal to give up winning her hand makes him a better possibility as Mr. Good Enough. Refusing sex is part of the screening process in the minds of smart women. The man’s reaction is critical to her future; if he won’t honor her chaste expectations today, he likely won’t honor her desires and requests after marriage.


  2. Beloved

    “A boy or man knows she’s doing it with other guys but not him. Why just him?” I thought if she wasn’t doing it, he’d assume she wasn’t with everyone else and those are the women they want to marry? So which is it? And what is a woman to do, tell him early on that she has morals?

    Your Highness Beloved,
    My response is an attached comment.

    • Milena

      Hi Lady Beloved,
      I think it’s just the way it is. Men presume that a woman has had sex before and doesn’t object to sleeping with a man before marriage, so they tend to take rejection personally and think it’s him and not her.
      But I think she has some wiggleroom when he tries to question her about her sexual past and she refuses to divulge her history. Now he can’t know for sure that he should take her rejection personally.
      And of course, there are different ways to refuse someone, some are downright cruel and mean and others are gentle, respectful, yet resolute enough.

      That’s how I interpreted it anyway!

      Your Highness Milena,
      I like your interpretation and used it to confirm with Beloved. Thanks, once again your wisdom and clarity of reading win the day.

      • A.GuyMaligned

        Your Highness Beloved,

        Just above, Milena explains it better than I can.

        “And what is a woman to do, tell him early on that she has morals?” No! tell him nothing about sexual history, moral beliefs, or intentions. Make him work to find out and then figure it out from all the clues he discovers. A man’s curiosity and imagination drive him to please a woman so he can figure things out himself. When he does, he thinks more of her than if she told him what he wants to know. Its’ the unearned gift thingie about men, they just don’t appreciate such things in any form. At least not nearly as much as what they figure out themselves. It’s why a lengthy courtship is best; he earns her hand by figuring out he has to have her. IT’s a natural process that fits into the compatible way in which we are born.


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