What is female love? How does it work? As expressed by a woman’s heart, it’s a process that flows two ways. For discussion here, I describe it in three relations: wifely, motherly, and friendly. While her expressions of love emitting from her heart are the same but of different intensities, what returns to her makes the difference.
A woman is born to both love and be loved. Without the latter, however, the former doesn’t last. Her incentives fade with disappointment when her love goes only one way, out without return. Unrequited love confirms to her at least that she’s not as important as she expects or wants to be. She can give love without it being returned by the love object, but love of her must reside in background for her to continue.
Wifely love is that love exchanged with a man who is or about to be husband. It starts with romantic love, which has a lustful base. When that fades, enduring love arises and she expects it to be returned with a reasonably equal intensity. It seldom happens that way as men are naturally unable to love a woman as intensely as women can love a man. He can be absolutely essential to her well-being, but men seldom reach that status with a woman, unless his devotion is especially high.
In any event, equally loved does not exist. He does not love with her intensity; she does not love with God’s intensity when it’s God’s love she depends upon for reciprocity (e.g., tending to a homeless shelter).
However, she has to see her love reciprocated or it sours. Therein lies a very common female ailment of the heart. It leads women to make many and humongous mistakes dealing with both self and men. The less love they receive from their man, the more blame they take upon themselves. And so she tries to love harder or more assertively in order to stir her man to love her better. It doesn’t work.
Without love being shown to her at the level she desires or expects, her ability to love weakens, so trying harder merely works against her. Trying harder but fruitlessly, her love turns sour rather than more intense.
Only reciprocated love solves relationship problems. However, many wives find relief and are satisfied that God’s love and their children’s love can be enough to sustain them, when and if their husband provides little or no love. It’s a natural accommodation they make to avoid doing without a man. When husband is missing, God’s love takes on a more important role in her life, if she is to find anything but misery.
Motherly love is different; the one who gave birth can love offspring without reciprocity. Pregnancy and giving birth program a mother’s heart for not just enduring but eternal love of child. There is a big difference between wifely and motherly love, but husbands don’t know that and many mothers don’t know how to compensate their husbands. It’s not natural that either sex recognize the difference, and so they don’t recognize the implication.
As mother senses husband’s love to weaken or be insufficient, she turns to her children for their love, which turns husband’s sense of her respect, gratitude, dependence away from him, which weakens her likeability and his love.
Whether children are present or not, if husband expects his wife’s full love and devotion to continue, he has to reward her. The simplest, easiest, and probably most effective are his frequent and convincing demonstrations of affection. It may not be all she expects, but a wife usually accepts affection as adequate sign that she’s loved, appreciated, and thus important for who and what she is to the one she loves.
Friendly love is that reserved for others. She doesn’t always expect it to be returned, especially not with the intensity of her love. God’s love and parental love back it up; she needs little or no reciprocity. She seeks to give love to others because inside she loves herself. It comes from Godly or parental ‘inheritance’ that generates plenty of self-love.
She is designed and energized to love herself as person, female, and whatever roles she chooses to fill with her free will. She’s vulnerable to be sidetracked and forget her own needs. It may energize her to try to love someone all the more noticeably. It doesn’t work, but many try anyway and find they went too far. Better she is to use her inborn hard-headedness and soft-heartedness to stay true to herself. Throwing her love on unworthwhile men, for example, leads to misery. Discretion of who to love is a vital part of female happiness.
At her own birth, she inherits the primal need for a brighter future and prime motivator to gain self-importance. They combine to energize her to use her love to advantage. That’s the base of what resides in the female heart. Aim for a brighter future by loving someone with fervor and permanence. What she gives in love will be returned; it’s a standing and natural belief that resides in the female heart.
Her love is actually the same life process that leads to female happiness. She has pleasant feelings about herself. It enables her to have the same feelings about someone else. Her sense of being grateful for herself enables her to show gratefulness for them. Her hopes cause pleasant feelings to arise in that someone, and she expects they will find her important in return. Expressing her love is actually pursuit to confirm her sense of self-importance, which is so essential to her happiness. Thus, loving others is critical to her finding happiness.