2493. Friendly Reminders — 10

  • Women are made to always have purpose in life. If they lose or run out of it, they keep looking until they find new reason for living. Men are not energized the same. If they lose it, they tend to live silently with lack of purpose and spiral downward toward the dregs and attracting  more discontent along the way. Thus, women have greater recovery ability than do men.
  • We’re all born with the potential to love another but no better than we love ourselves. Consequently, the higher one’s self-esteem, the greater one’s potential to love and the lower the lesser.
  • Single moms easily fall prey to treating an only son as her primary love and nurture-object. It’s unhealthy for him and haunts other women in his adult life.  Children respond better when taught in the tweens what causes mistakes and constitutes misery in an adult’s life and are then enabled to decide how they can and will avoid it as they parade into and through the teens. Teach the WHAT as leaders do and not the HOW as managers do. (Definition: The tweens extend from first grade through puberty.)
  • Women don’t feel guilty over the attention/affection/gifts they receive. Four reasons why they deserve every bit of it: They are pretty, able to provide sex, capable of delivering babies, and need to feel important. External confirmations are welcome and needed frequently to reinforce all the above.
  • Many a mom has trouble forgiving her son for growing up. She’s certain he can’t do without her nurturing love, because she’s certain she can’t live without delivering it. So, she often continues to mother him even into his married life. Very ‘ungood’ for his marriage.
  • Women double down when they dress down. Pretty goes down. Standards go down. Self-confidence goes down. Self-image goes down. Other-centeredness goes down. Pride goes down. Why? You care less for yourself when you care less about others and vice versa.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she loses, marriage

21 responses to “2493. Friendly Reminders — 10

  1. anon...

    I NOTICE when women wear more feminine clothing, the men will dress up more as well….(last bullet) and wear more masculine clothing
    it could be as simple as wearing a SKIRT below the knee with some near flats–with the hot weather, its odd that women still arent wearing them
    but ugly shorts when in public

    • JC

      amen! 😉

      Your Highness JC,
      Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another man joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

  2. anon...

    third bullet::
    a reason why some single moms tend to kiss small child on mouth, (a peck) which i hate—but this generation thinks its normal-SINCE broken homes
    its best to kiss on the cheek since the lips of the child, need to belong to the spouse at MARRIAGE,

  3. SouthernBelle

    Sir Guy

    This “Women don’t feel guilty over the attention/affection/gifts they receive” seems to imply that men are the opposite. Please expound for me.

    Your Highness SouthernBelle,
    Women expect unearned gifts. The male nature accepts that women deserve gifts for who and what they are but men lack those deserving traits. Therefore, men don’t appreciate such gifts—unearned relative to females—and are opposite of women re gifting.

  4. Sarina

    There is a huge competition where I live with women dressing up! It makes me a bit depressed, because I realise I can’t stand out that much, we’re all looking fine, so it makes me feel like my efforts are in vain. I can use a bright smile, but then..there’s nothing else. My local girls are very concerned about weight and looking nice when they get out.

    Your Highness Sarina,

    Glad to hear it. The attractiveness of women daily guides how others adapt to making this a better world in which to live. It spreads because as women go, so goes society.

    The culture improves when women compete with women for the best man, instead of competing with men for sex. It also makes better characters out of women, men dress accordingly and become better potential mates, the world gets prettier, and children learn how to set the example as influential member of society.

  5. Maddy

    Hi Sir Guy
    I need help to advise a friend. Could you help me?
    What does it mean when a man says “I want to take this really slow” to a woman? There has been 3 dates but no attempts by the man to kiss the woman or initiate any physical contact. He is confident (has good looks, good job, done well for himself) and he probably suspects this woman is eager to be exclusive.

    Your Highness Maddy,

    It’s a tough assignment. Many possibilities. These come to mind:
    • Proceeding cautiously to develop trust to avoid marrying and fears losing his wealth with divorce.
    • Having been stung previously, he wants to go very slow. That is, he has a tender heart that stings easily.
    • He wants you to initiate kisses and intimacy to be sure you think he’s worth something. He needs confirmation of his worth.
    • He feels inadequate for you and fears doing the wrong thing and losing what he has gained with you.
    • Trying to overcome homo thoughts, perhaps caused by an experience that caused confusion.
    • Oh, and finally, he could just be manipulating you for sex and is using the players’ vague and unavailable style. See posts 82, 369, 379, 2029, and 2030. (Ignore the duplication.)

    I suggest you do not act on any of the above except read the articles. Just continue as before with him and await red flags or confirmations of good intentions. The patience lies with you; the motivation if he wants you lies with him.

    A man expecting himself to devote himself to a woman, wants to be sure he’s doing the right thing. You’re attractive enough it would seem, but you might improve your appearance with him and see what happens. His response could signal that he wants you more than he has been acting.

    As for myself, I suspect mostly that he’s a player, last bullet above, and after sex more than you. You may never know for sure, but crossed legs until he proposes provides your best chance for marriage.


    • Maddy

      Thank you Sir Guy.
      He is now calling her a lot more and they are spending more time together. At first hearing of all this, I thought that perhaps he was so chivalrous that he did not want to emotionally commit a woman with kisses and affection until he was sure – and considered this to be a good thing. But are you perhaps saying that the natural instinct of men is to want to (and therefore try to) kiss a woman and that holding back this long (now 6 dates) is unusual and possibly deeply rooted in something in his past which should prompt some hesitation on my friend’s part?

      Your Highness Maddy,
      Sure he should want to kiss her. Whether playing games or manipulating, Miss Gina and That Horse is Dead offer good advice. If deep rooted in his past, you will probably never uncover it. He may not even know. OTOH, Miss Gina gives you a good list of things to look for that may indicate red flags should fly. See where that takes her over a little time for making judgments and decisions.


  6. Your posts are excellent- I read a lot and yet rarely do I come across such insights. I’ve bought your book. However I’d like to bring to your attention that when trying to subscribe to your website, the page automatically goes to your book- selling site, without allowing anyone new to subscribe to your newsletter.

    All the best


    Your Highness Hussar01,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    There is no newsletter, only the articles posted and listed in the CONTENT page on the home page. I think you are getting the home page with the book ad shown on the right side, latest article on the left, and latest comments below the book ad. If not, please let me know.


    • Cinnamon

      Sir Guy,

      Hussar01 is asking about an email notification not a newsletter. She is talking about where it says “Subscriber to WWNH!” on the right-hand side of your blog. She should be able to type her email address in and then click on “Click Here” and then receive an email notification each time you publish a new article. Instead, when you click “Receive notifications of new posts by email” it takes you to the Xulon press site to order your book.

      This is a technical error that your webmaster should be able to fix.

      Your Highness Cinnamon,
      Repair call has been made. Thank you.

  7. Seems to me if a guy says he wants to take it slow, you should take it so slow that things grind to a halt, even if the guy is Liam Neeson’s cousin.

    A guy who’s a player should not be able to trick you with reverse psychology.

    A guy who’s feeling insecure has no business leaning on you to make him feel better. If he’s not read to interact with you confidently, he has no business trying (and potentially blaming you if his lack of confidence if he still feels bad after several weeks or months).

    If he’s dealing with some sort of sexual confusion, or if he’s saying in some vague way that he thinks you’re not attractive . . . or whatever he might be doing . . . I think saying, “I want to take things slow” at the start of a relationship, before he even has a clear idea of who you are and what you have to offer, is just a big clue for you to run the other way.

    • Maddy

      Thank you Edith Mcklveen

      All your points are worth thinking of. She is now playing hard-to-get and it appears to be working – he wants her more now. But I wonder if you (or Sir Guy or any other ladies) think that by prefacing a relationship right from the start with “I’d like to take things slowly” means that he should not be easily trusted even if he now seems to be chasing her much more actively?


      • Miss Gina

        Dear Lady Maddy,

        Personally, I think it is too early to tell, but it may be a red flag…or not. I would not judge any person by a single line that they say…any of us can say something that seems weird to someone else once in a while. It could just be that he really likes her and he heard the line in a movie, and it sounded right to say to him in the moment…but it could be a ruse.

        I’d watch his actions, like any other guy. How is he toward others? How does he speak of others? Does have control of his temper? Does he drink too much? Does he have a good work ethic? Does he have a lot of useful skills (cleaning up after himself, basic car knowledge, yard work, can he build or design things, if he is a musician does he practice, does he have hobbies, etc.)? Is he helpful to others? Does he manage his money well? Is he kind to animals and children? Does he spend a lot of time on video games or movies? What kind of spiritual life does he have, beyond what he says about himself? These are the kinds of things I would be screening for.

        Your Highness Miss Gina,
        That’s a good list of actions to observe for possible red flags.

      • That Horse Is Dead

        Lady Maddy,

        It would seem to me a gentleman who wants to take it slow would just take it slow — without the need to say it (and risk hurting her feelings or making her feel uncomfortable). If your friend was not being aggressive or desperate, as in chasing him, calling or texting all the time, then why say it? My guess is this is his modus operandi.

        Date three is much too soon to even be discussing a “relationship.” So, for a man to volunteer this info by date three? I would take it as a disclaimer. Actually, a man I know mentioned he has the “Third Date Talk” with his dates. His logic is that women try to generate a relationship, marriage, and kids out of thin air…before ever getting to know him. So, he needs to burst that bubble quickly.

        The fact that she is now playing hard-to-get and “he wants her more now” seems at best a yellow flag. I’d follow Lady Edith’s recommendation. Bring it to a grinding halt (love that description). Let’s see if slow means slow…or just another game (which we already know he’s coming on stronger, what happened to slow?). Maybe next year he’ll be more mature and can try again.

        • Maddy

          Thank you lovely THID
          I agree with what you say too. And just so I understand – when you say “at best a yellow flag” – that is not good because it leans towards it more being a red flag than green?

          • That Horse Is Dead

            I think you have to take the interactions in context. Since I don’t know the whole situation, it’s possible that when she backed off, he realized he needed to step up to the plate. Maybe like Miss Gina says, he just said something weird because he was nervous. Sir Guy mentions several reasons besides manipulation that wouldn’t disqualify him completely. However, I think the possibility of manipulation is there, so it’s a yellow flag. I would watch his actions over a long period of time because his behavior and words already contradict. Read Miss Gina’s questions and take them to heart. This is why dating is for fun, followed by a slow and chaste courtship. If he had said that to me on the third date, I would ask, “Why do you say that?” As a side note, if the woman “playing” hard-to-get is using her own manipulation, as in head games or trying to trick him into pursuing her, then this is wrong as well. In my opinion, a hard-to-get woman is hard to get because of her standards. He knows it will take time to “earn” her. And he realizes soon enough he will have to be a better man to get her. It’s all about how much he respects her and if she’s playing games of her own, that will soon go out the window.

            • Maddy

              Thank you again lovely THID. She has had relationships in the past where she has openly committed to him earlier than he has done. She is the type of woman that can see good in anyone and this, I’m afraid, means she doesn’t have high standards so I am actively asking her to protect her heart until such time he demonstrates by action that he is just as committed as her. I hope this would not be considered manipulative action?

              • That Horse Is Dead

                Lady Maddy,
                I just watched a video about the risks of overinvesting in a man because of attraction before he has invested more of himself in you first. The video goes on to say you should meet his level of investment. Maybe your friend’s guy made the comment about “going slow” because he sensed she was already overinvesting which comes across as desperate, clingy, needy, etc. Sir Guy has some good posts on commitment. Protecting your heart is not a manipulative action. I think it depends on motive which is a very personal thing that only she can assess. Here’s the video (Sir Guy feel free to remove if not appropriate).

  8. Femme

    Dear Sir Guy,
    I have been trying to post under Alarm Bells as that space seems more appropriate for the topic I have in mind, but I tried twice and nothing happened, or at least I cannot see it.
    If my question did appear there as well then I apologise.
    Here is the link to an article I just found on FB and find very interesting in view of what’s going on in the UK at the moment (politically speaking) and also because I’ve had personal experience with somebody who also is a “boarding school product”.
    I’m very curious as to what your opinion is.

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