Every successful couple needs two foundations. If one never forms or forms weakly, staying power is lost. The foundations are respect and love, respect is the most important, and both depend upon actions more than words.
Their natures interact differently.
- Men respect those who earn their respect. Until conquered they highly value female sexual assets more than the female as person. So, the more protective of her assets to delay conquest, the more of a man’s respect she earns. Without respecting her, a man’s proclaimed love is not true. (I believe it to be proportional, his greater respect brings forth his deeper love.)
- Women reinforce their love with words. Her loving words program her heart with more sincerity and intensity. Thus, her words more than actions determine her beliefs and feelings, which guide her motivations. Men, believing action more easily than words, find her words largely unconvincing without actions as proof. So, the more a gal tries to talk her way into gaining a guy’s love, the poorer she does.
- OTOH, her refusal to yield their first sex together discourages what he longs for, can frustrate, and induce his departure—if she does not know how to hold his attention and capture his affection with her likeability.
- A woman’s most impressive action is to refuse their first sex together. Each refusal magnifies his challenge, earns her more respect, adds to her worth as potential mate, reinforces her self-love as person, and diminishes his view of her as just another sex object.
- A man expects to be automatically respected, period. He is who he is, period. He does what he does, period. She expects to be loved for who she is, what she does, and how she expresses it. In fact, she becomes the loving person she sincerely expresses.
- His actions program his heart with conviction that he’s right and thereby become habits of behavior. Thus, his actions determine his beliefs and feelings. When his actions make him feel good to please her, his devotion develops and grows as the result of living up to please someone more important than himself. (It works that way with mother-love and God too, does it not?)
- The result is that he cannot love her without respecting her, and she has to earn his respect. He doesn’t have to earn her love; she gives it willingly but men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. And there is the rub, the glitch, the dog that won’t hunt.
If he does not earn her love, his heart is never programmed with the actions that form the habits of loving someone, especially someone more important than himself. So, courtship success depends on her making it mutual. She earns his respect by delaying conquest, while he earns her love by proving himself worthy of her. By insisting on both points, she becomes the person in charge, the buyer as it were, which pushes him into the seller role. By following her female nature more closely as the relationship expert, she becomes able to breed success in courtship.
When she does it properly according to her female nature, she finds that he does most of the work if she just quits talking too much trying to convince him that she is the one for him. Posts 1912 and 2180 describe how a man walks himself to the altar.