2508. Exotic vs. ‘Girl Next Door’ (Revisited)

NOTE: The following is the blog’s most popular article, first posted in February 2012. Thought you might find it interesting. To add clarity, exotic is a unique female and erotic is a women focused on sex. The exotic can be anyone other than the girl next door too.


If you recall, this blog focuses on the basic nature of men and women before morality, religion, race, ethnicity, and personal values and emotions become involved. Readers question the appeal to men of exotic and ‘the girl next door’.

Men first judge with their eyes. Exotic appears strikingly different. The girl next door looks very familiar. What predominately appeals to men— the familiar or the different? Actually, they’re apples and oranges not to be compared but just described.


  1. The girl next door is not 5’5”, white, blonde, blue eyed, and freckled. She’s normal, feminine or tomboy, and mainstream. But, she’s just visible to the boy next door until her female prettiness starts to shine in his face late in adolescence. Perception is reality and whatever appears to be, is. She grew pretty enough over the time that he knew her.
  2. She’s friendly and easy to know, feminine, unlike other girls, and so unique that after the neighbor boy’s hormone hurricane moderates somewhat late in his teens, she takes on a mature air of invincibility he hadn’t seen before. Her previous independence has mellowed such that he becomes far more interested in her as woman than as friend. Her heart and mind now outshine her external attractiveness.
  3. Factually, it’s not a girl but a process. It’s the lengthy but accidental development. Kind of like an offline relationship. Men and women do it too. Accidentally brought together, both grow over time until they accept the other’s faults as far less important than their appealing virtues, i.e., they qualify to take it online.
  4. Women use the erotic archetype to excuse their lack of feminine diligence for looking pretty, acting feminine, mastering an intriguing smile, fostering good relationships with men of little or no interest to them, and otherwise improving their chances for capturing and marrying a man. They consider their situation as needful of erotic symbols instead of as a process, and it leads them to fool themselves.
  5. Don’t blame guys for falling for the girl next door. It could be you. To be like the gal next door, learn to develop and harmonize a deeper relationship with a friend, guy next door, or someone else to whom you are accidentally exposed. It’s the process more than the girl.


A strikingly unique woman appeals to men either as newfound beauty, sex object, or both. Consequently, exotic women are the same as others; they just have something different. What they do with the difference shapes their lives. Since they can’t be separated, newfound beauty and sex appeal morph in men’s eyes from exotic to erotic. So let’s shift to that.

  • Erotic features are merely that. Features! Hips or lips, breasts or buns. They all have appeal. Whether to embellish them or not, that’s the question. Erotic works to objectify a woman for sex. Exploit it and attract players. However, whatever suggests sex is much less attractive to the Marrying Man; he looks for something else, and a unique version of female beauty satisfies best.
  • Generally, the more obvious a woman tries to exploit her erotic features, the less interesting she looks for much beyond sex. Furthermore, observers may or may not see the eroticism intended and may or may not even be interested. Let’s face it; a truly erotic appearing woman is definitely not mainstream. Men do, however, mostly stay married to mainstream gals. So, it’s another disadvantage. Erotic-appearing women don’t appear as particularly good candidates for marriage, at least on the surface.
  • So, ladies, think of erotic features as more neutral than usable. To use such features to your advantage, don’t emphasize them; downplay them with feminine subtlety and female modesty. Use them to generate curiosity. Men transmute their curiosity into imagination and use it to take the full measure of you. If you have some exotic feature(s), it holds little value beyond what it symbolizes in either your or some man’s imagination. (It was on another subject but it applies here: Einstein said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”)
  • After all, what role does an erotic appearance play for a man once he closes his eyes, such as in bed, such as in marriage, such as when he dumps you?

Exotic women improve their chances of attracting the Marrying Man if they downplay eroticism and encourage men to get to know them personally. That is, minimize the erotic, emphasize the exotic, and appear more feminine and unique than just a different female. Align those features more closely and you compete better with mainstream women, for they are your competitors for a man. Erotic women compete with men for sex, so they can do as well as other women and not be left sitting on the sidelines.


Filed under boobs, feminine, Her glory, How she wins, The mind

8 responses to “2508. Exotic vs. ‘Girl Next Door’ (Revisited)

  1. My Husband's Wife

    Really good article. I know that most women today want to be considered “hot!” It’s especially cringe-worthy seeing middle-aged women (mothers at that) decked out in erotic fashion (showing cleavage etc.) posting photos on facebook and seeing all the comments suggesting they look “sexy!”—even from girlfriends. The new “buzz” words describing women now are hottie! and strong!

    Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
    You call it cringe-worthy. Gee, you’re generous. I’m not, because it continues to worsen and spread just as does overweight. As soon as feminists starting blaming men, women quit trying to please masculine eyeballs with feminine uniqueness, mystery, and modesty. It’s the root of family collapse both individually and as institution. Our society collapses because we don’t have enough wives for men to look up to and spread by example enough female-friendly values, standards, and expectations.

    • gonemaverick

      My Husband’s Wife, i agree with you. i cringed a couple of days ago when i saw the British Prime Minister addressing the media showing cleavage. i don’t remember what the press conference was about but i remember her breasts.

  2. Meow Meow

    It is true there are wives/moms that dress like they’re back on the dating market (!) but I can understand—-as there is so much emphasis on sex these days being so important, and divorce being just around the corner, it is only natural that now, even after marriage a woman must continue to compete with other women and not let frumpiness take over. (Girlfriends do support one another in this, because it’s hard to do after you have had a few kids and have little time to yourself!) I think continuing “Pretty Time” and seeing yourself as sexy throughout your life (As in Europe where the aging body is not considered particularly shameful) is important even after—maybe especially after— you are married. Yes some women take it too far but I see much more of the opposite at least where I grew up.

    That being said—-I wish those ladies that feel only as good as how they look could read the above blog entry and reconnect with what it is that makes them special and made their husband first fall for them—their unique femininity. Maybe then their confidence would be higher and they wouldn’t need the easy fixes.

  3. Kay

    I think social media like Facebook and Instagram is sickening in most cases. Young women and older women alike are spending way too much time taking photos, editing those photos and then finally posting them. Many pictures scream ” Look at Me and how great I look and what a fantastic life I’m living!” Talk about emphasizing exotic features! These photos create a competition between women for the attention of men and the admiration of other women. My 25 year old daughter shut down her social media accounts a couple of years ago and feels that it is one of the best decisions she ever made. Oddly, young men that she has dated are surprised when they ask for her User Name on Instagram and she tells them that she does not have an account BUT they are intrigued and seemingly impressed .

    • Meow Meow

      I enjoy Facebook within reason (You don’t have to be consumed by it, and I find it a convenient way to catch up with friends out of the area or share fun/pretty pictures), but I only carry what I call a “Dumb Phone”—all it does is call and text. Sometimes my friends tease me about it but I don’t want to be “On Call” and connected to the Internet 24–7. I don’t want to be asked to take pictures, or get information, or get emails over the phone in the middle of other things. Men notice and tease me when they see me use my old school phone… especially as I work in a technical field….why one would use a less flashy device when the other is ubiquitous…why one would shun attention when you could get more…these questions raise deeper questions and I’m not surprised your daughter intrigues/impresses the young men with her independence. Actually more young people are starting to turn away from Facebook, Instagram is booming though.

      • My Husband's Wife

        How funny, Meow Meow, on your dump phone! Smart though! I’ve heard that as well about social media: that many in the younger generation are leaving it. It will be interesting to see if the whole social media craze is just a phase our culture is going through. I believe it does have some value and haven’t canned my account…yet.

        Also, it seems as social media it’s definitely more popular for females than males. Most men I know really have zero interest in it or if they have an account, it doesn’t get accessed regularly at all. As in the case of Kay’s daughter, it’s probably refreshing for men to hear that a woman doesn’t have these types of accounts as so many are consumed by them and exploit themselves on them. I don’t think men find this attractive at all!

        • Meow Meow

          I agree completely MHW, I think young ladies are beginning to realize that social media takes away a lot of their mystery and unavailability and are quietly beginning to move away from it! Twice in the past week I heard a couple girls in their 20’s comment that Facebook was “For old people”. I do think it has some value, I guess because I am an ‘old person” who finds it a convenient way to stay in touch w/relatives/friends….but true, most men i know rarely use social media once they set up an account, they just drop in once in awhile (Except my political junkie/artist/musician/or gay friends who bombard me w/pics and posts:)

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