2518. Sexual Attractiveness Fades Away — III

Part I (2413) exposed the effect of excess fat on the judgment of men. Part II (2414) describes how frustration and similar emotions prompt females to adopt habits that drastically disadvantage them by adding excess body weight. This part mentions a trend in society that is new to me.

Overweight and particularly obese females refuse, reject, or abandon their feminine instincts and female intuition. They make excellent candidates as lesbian recruits. Whether actively engaged or not, they add to the political numbers and influence of the LGBTQ movement.

It appears girls and women become vulnerable by tumbling down these steps: frustration, growing overweight, desire to be loved, lack of affection, loneliness—in that or some other order—and end up targeted as recruits into the lesbian world.

Each woman is lured by dreams, ambitions, and desires to do or have certain relationships. Social pressure has an unkind way of defeating her intentions and dreams. Fulfillment depends on how she acts from internal pressures and reacts in response to the constantly changing external pressures generated by others.

Overweight is not natural. In fact, women are designed NOT to overeat. I wish I could do more to convince them.


Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, Fickle female, How she loses, Sociology 101

24 responses to “2518. Sexual Attractiveness Fades Away — III

  1. Etu

    Sir Guy, you are doing A LOT just by broaching the subject. I am a hard-fought size 12 American woman (I was well over 200 lbs in college) who by the grace of God and hope for the future, endeavours to tame the gluttonous beast within. In practice I see it is essential to flat out reject our culture to BE feminine especially regarding food. I think women here are varying degrees if hostile to the idea and it cuts deep: I’m talking veiled snark from 60-70 year old women at conservative church potlucks over what I eat or don’t eat. For all we can throw away when it comes to Euro culture, I have to say I admire continental women for their discipline at the table and effort for dress. Your blog posts on this subject are my starting point!

    • anon...

      Have you tried Bragg’s apple cider vinegar as a tonic twice a day with a straw?
      Before meals, it tends to tame the appetite
      2 tbsps with equal water, and then drink 8 ounces of water right after

      • Meow Meow

        Yes and Lemon Water is good too! I am a big fan of our grandparents’ generation’s natural remedies/tonics.

    • Cinnamon

      How are you getting on Etu after your sad breakup with your farmer gentleman?

      I know what you mean about snark – when I was about 14 I went on a crash diet and lost about 20 lbs. Within a few weeks I had put all the weight and more back on. My supervisor at work (I had a part-time job in a shop), who was in her late 50s at the time and who I looked up to like an aunt or a mother, made a really snide remark about the weight gain in a sing-song voice. It really hurt and I still remember it all these years later. Now that I am older when I meet a young woman who is struggling I always make an effort to build her up not tear her down.

  2. I believe that excess weight, for both women and men, is harmful to physical health and emotional health. However, I wonder if women with excess weight are excellent candidates for lesbian recruiting. What is the evidence for this claim (one I do not remember)?

    Your Highness OKRickety,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    Why would they not be excellent candidates? They turn men off and have become the least attractive members of the hetero community. Who do they turn to? Recruiting is happening or is the LGBTQ community not growing? The Q was just added to enlarge its influence. Does the role of politics in any community not encourage recruitment, just as a natural consequence of leaders’ thinking of expanding growth, influence, and status? People in politics do have their own managerial behavior. In that regard, LGBTQ folks are like the rest of us.


  3. Kay

    Hi Sir Guy, this is definitely a touchy subject. I am a personal trainer and have trained many wonderful overweight men and women from 15 to 80 years old. I think most people overeat because they are stressed and they associate food , especially junk food and alcohol( which is basically liquid sugar) with comfort. Unfortunately the gratification one gets from overeating or binging on something unhealthy is SO fleeting and not worth the subsequent guilt, unhappiness, fatigue and oftentimes illness or disease. Many people in the U.S. don’t exercise nearly enough so they are taking in way more calories than they are burning off. Losing weight and keeping it off through healthier eating and exercise can be challenging but definitely doable as Etu described above. You go girl!! I honestly admire the self discipline of anyone of any size that I see walking up the road or lifting weights at the gym. It is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself.

  4. anon...

    IMO, some of this came from not eating at the kitchen table..
    Since at one time, families were larger and there wasn’t enough for seconds.

    Also, the tattoos also defeminizes women.
    There used to wear more necklaces bracelets etc, but when they are inked, they seem to wear none

  5. Miss Gina

    Great topic. Women set the tone for food consumption, nutrition, and health in the family. Exercise, too, for children and teens. This has been true in every culture in history. Feminism attempts to deny this, so where have families ended up?

    If I step on a few toes here, so be it…Is it more important to have a higher-paying job, or home-cooked, nutritionally balanced meals, with all the family around the dinner table every day? Studies show the dinner table wins over household income in providing better outcomes for children by many different measures.

    Also, which is more practical in terms of efficient use of time–doing housework, or working out at a gym? Not that a gym workout is wrong…one of my sons is a fitness trainer.

    I’m not here to condemn anyone…we all have different circumstances…just offering food for thought.

    Many of today’s young women grew up in homes in which Mom abandoned her leadership in food preparation (and her leadership in seeing that kids played a lot outside and did active household chores…driving kids to group “sport” activities in excess is far less valuable, though not harmful in reasonable doses that do not interfere with family meals). These neglected girls are starting at square one on these subjects…It’s no wonder they may struggle.

    There is hope. The brain is very plastic and can learn new habits well into old age. 😄

    • Shermy

      You hit the nails on the head here!

      Your Highness Shermy,
      The subject of excess fat will be addressed again in step 10 of the current series, Ten Steps to Win a Man’s Heart. Not sure what to expect, tho.

      • My Husband's Wife

        Once again I find this series both interesting and valuable. Speaking of excess fat, last night I watched a documentary about online dating and it stated that a man’s worst fear is that his date will be fat.

        Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
        You will learn why in part ten of the current series, out in about a week.

  6. “Overweight and particularly obese females refuse, reject, or abandon their feminine instincts and female intuition. They make excellent candidates as lesbian recruits.”

    This is very true, Sir Guy, That is a difficult issue to explain to people, but there really is a seduction going on within our culture that tries to draw women away from men and away from who and what we are, from our intuition and power.

    Hair is a more amusing example, for the most part men prefer our hair, soft, long, feminine. So along comes culture, girlfriends, societal pressures, telling us to make ourselves over, “get your hair cut,” until it is shorter and shorter and soon shaved up the back. We are not appealing to men, we are not using what God gave us to feel more attractive, we are listening to the culture that is falsely telling us to deny our femininity.

  7. As someone who has been struggling for almost twenty years with weight, I have to say that women being overweight is not simply eating too much.

    Two basic things are at play, in my opinion.

    First, since the start of the 20th century, the quality of food in American culture has gone way, way downhill. These days, what passes for food, especially food promoted by big companies like General Mills, Kraft, Tyson, etc., is full of additives and sugar. And whatever “real” ingredients different items may contain, they are not produced in a way that maximizes actual nutrients.

    American women as well as men have passively sucked in the idea that, if something food-like is advertised on TV as being “good” for you, then it must be.

    So they end up eating things that are not truly nourishing, that don’t meet the human body’s actual needs for fat, proteins, carbohydrates, vitamins, minerals . . . and they wonder why they feel hungry even though they’ve had a “big” meal.

    Second, American women have been totally brainwashed over the past century or so by the diet industry into believing that food, which God designed to meet the needs of the human body, is EVIL. Calories are EVIL. Eating and enjoying food is EVIL. In order to be on the side of the diet angels and “have your best body now,” women must eat as little as possible, must reject the idea that their unique body is God’s gift to them, and must spend their lives buying diet magazines and fat burning supplements.

    And they especially must hate themselves if they try to live on 900 calories a day and fail. “I’m such a horrible human being! I have no will power!”

    Two books that have changed my view of weight, dieting, and my own body are How to Become Naturally Thin by Eating More by Jean Antonello, RN, BSN and Wheat Belly by William Davis, MD.

    Their message: Eat real food. Eat when you’re hungry; stop when you’re not hungry. Be grateful for your own unique body, and treat it well.

    That would go a long way to changing American female obesity.

    Your Highness Edith Mcklveen,
    New info with rather startling effect has just entered and modified by thought processes. I will be posting it next week that something else prompts overeating, more hormonal than emotional.

    • Meow Meow

      Thank you for writing Edith. I agree very much with what you have written here. In no way to I connect being overweight to sexual orientation (I know many perfectly feminine-acting ladies who are overweight and many extremely thin women who act “masculine”) and I also have great empathy for women (and men) caught up in a battle with obesity. They need kindness, patience, and most of all your kind of solid information for support. I personally don’t know many obese people who seem to eat more than the average-weight person so something else must be going on. Maybe their bodies are more sensitive to the processed food/additives. Foods today are absolutely pumped full of hormones and chemicals. Animals are given chemicals designed to make them grow large fast. How can we imagine that eating such poor creatures —or even fruits and vegetables given “Grow-Fast” petroleum-heavy products—won’t bring those same toxic substances into our own bodies? And, many lives and jobs are sedentary, and if you need money most people must sit long hours working at a desk to survive. It is indeed a perfect storm, for sadly farm fresh/organic foods can be quite pricey, although worth the buy. One thing i suggest is looking into small food co-ops in one’s area. There are companies that bring farm fresh/organic foods to one’s door in a box for reasonable rates. The caveat is though that one has to have time to actually cook!

    • anon...

      i noticed that ANOREXIA came along with ‘liberation’ in the 70s
      (about food being evil)–since Karen Carpenter seemed to be the first one who died of STARVATION ON PURPOSE–thinking she was obese…

      i also think, she means 21st century over 20th century, since many people today live longer than we used to

      • My grandparents and parents lived into their late eighties and nineties. I wonder sometimes if I will. I have read so many obituaries of Baby Boomers, including high school classmates, who have died in their fifties and sixties.

        Poor quality food, crazy diet advice, stressful living (the stress hormone cortisol causes weight gain), poor sleep habits . . . it’s a wonder my generation isn’t dropping like flies.

        • singingbird

          I am woman in my early forties in a well-reputed recovery program for eating disorders. The following comments remove the issue of physical attraction and seek to inform eating and weight and agree with comments above. The amount a person weighs is more complicated than the traditionally accepted “calories in, calories out” idea. Some people are starving themselves and appear to be in the overweight category of BMI (which is an ill-designed and arbitrary measurement of what is healthy). A person can have an eating disorder and appear to be overweight. In summary, our culture is bombarded constantly by images of underweight individuals that uphold an unhealthy standard. Many women and men are suffering with an unhealthy relationship with food, including overeating. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with one’s manner of eating, which you cannot judge by a person’s body appearance and weight. This is similar for weight: there are healthy and unhealthy people of all sizes, with the most healthiest being in the middle ranges of the BMI index.

          Thank you for considering this information and my opinions.

          Your Highness Singingbird,
          Thanks for the info. Very relevant to recent blog subjects.

          • Meow Meow

            Thanks for speaking out, Singingbird. I too have gone through the toxic whirlwind of an eating disorder in my teens and my body and hormones never recovered from it. A woman can, actually, be too thin. I lost almost all my once gorgeous hair from malnourishment and it never grew back…now I can ONLY wear a short cut. Heart palpitations are still with me to this day. I am at a thin but healthy/functional weight today.
            As one of my subjects was Art History in school, it is interesting to see that the female form praised from prehistory up into the renaissance era was usually plump or at least average weight as we see in the idealized art of the times. It is probable that most people couldn’t get much to eat so maybe idealized a bigger look. However, long flowing hair, blushing makeup and flowery clothing (if any) added to their feminine appearance and qualities. Those friends of mine who modern society considers “overweight” also highly play up their feminine attributes and thus do not lack for male attention/husbands/boyfriends. THEY see themselves as feminine, active, cute, sweet, well dressed etc. and it seems like catnip to their guys! To be clear I am not talking about morbidly obese people with a medical problem, but rounder young ladies who weigh prob. between 10–50 pounds more than their peers.)
            Around the 1800s the societal preference changed to “dainty” and light as a feather and has pretty much remained so into the modern era. The Flapper dresses and haircuts promoted a stylish, androgynously thin, boyish look for young ladies, followed by more traditional clothing, hair and makeup in WW2. The 60’s/70’s styles were very androgynous. Now anything goes: and whatever you’ve got, flaunt it! I have noticed a trend back to more feminine clothing recently however.
            I’ll also just throw into the mix that anorexia was described in texts since the 1700s (and maybe even before, as part of or confused with religious self-flagellation). It is a mental illness with physical consequences, and existed before (but is likely exacerbated by) modern culture and stressors. I would best describe it as a coping skill gone terribly wrong in some individuals.

        • anon...

          possibly recreational drugs if they graduated HS in late 60s onward;.. since those who lived in the 80s and 90s DIDN’T USE THEM as much or hardly at all–smoking.. YES…. (although their parents may have drank Coke with cocaine in it, it wasn’t common)

  8. anonymous

    What is more important for a man’s attraction: a woman’s face or her general figure (IOW at a healthy weight)?

    Your Highness Anonymous,
    Face first. It shows emotions the body does not. Friendly and smiles are critical to be attractive.

  9. Lisa

    Hello, Guy. I have been dealing with emotional eating and obesity most of my life. I lost some weight over the past few years, but the smaller my body got, the anxiety and fear increased. This stemmed from abuse during childhood.
    I am currently seeking professional help with this issue.
    In part II of this series (2414 I think), you told one of the ladies dealing with an eating disorder that God has given her the tools she needed to overcome and to pray in a way that would make her stronger. How can I reclaim my femininity in my eating habits? Deep down, I DO NOT WANT TO OVEREAT, but there are times when it feels as if something is DRIVING me to binge. How do I go about praying in a way that reinforces victory?
    Thank you,

    Your Highness Lisa,

    Allow me to give you a head start on something I have to revise, namely my thinking about overeating. It’s still preliminary and may take me days before I get far enough for you.

    The gist is this: Overeating is one DIRECT effect of too much estrogen that is not balanced with other hormones that keep it under control, which as I understand it now is regulated by progesterone which many people lack. Don’t take my word for it yet. But do some research yourself and start with bio-identical hormone therapy.

    (Bio-identical means exactly like human hormones and not the patented stuff out of Big Pharma that requires something be added to get a patent.)


    • Miss Gina

      Dear Lady Lisa,

      I am certain that Sir Guy will have a good answer. If I may offer a few lady thoughts on the side…Consider that anxiety, fear, and stress use up valuable nutrients much faster than a peaceful state of mind, so getting help for the abuse is good for this, too. Could it be that your body is craving certain nutrients that your emotional state is depleting? For instance, when I crave chocolate, I know that I am lacking magnesium, which chocolate is rich in. Magnesium is one nutrient used quickly under stress. I go ahead and eat the chocolate (but only one high-quality chocolate bar once a week ((cheap ones don’t satisfy))–twice a week in a dire emergency). You may also be craving good fats, like coconut oil and avocado provide. It is hard to know your specific situation, but sometimes the quick solution is to find supplements for those depleted nutrients while working on the mindset. Two things to try for cravings are a couple of tablespoons of coconut oil daily and a teaspoon or two of raw organic apple cider vinegar in juice or cold tea. A daily diet with many kinds of fruits, vegetables, grains, nuts and seeds, dairy, and proteins (as close to the farmer/best quality you can get–much food is nutrient-poor) will help, and eventually may provide all one needs. My personal goal is 6 daily servings of fruit and vegetables to feel well, plus the other things. There can also be a female hormone imbalance from stress that causes a cycle of more anxiety, cravings, and weight gain. Traditional treatments can make it worse. There are doctors who specialize in treating this in a more natural way. Dr. C.W. Randolph has some good resources on the web. As far as getting your mind game in place, it may work best to focus on walking in peace throughout the day, stopping to pray or calm yourself as soon as you get off the wagon, as opposed to worrying about how not to be anxious ;-)…These are all things you can take to the Lord in prayer and see if they are for you…He heals difficult memories and gives us His peace, so we can freely ask.

      Your Highness Miss Gina,
      Typically, very wise and well written.

    • Miss Gina

      Dear Sir Guy,

      I can vouch for this from experience and have benefited greatly from bio-identical hormone treatment. Dr. C. W. Randolph, whom I mentioned below, is one of the pioneering doctors in this areas of treatment and is still practicing. Dr. John Lee is another, but is unfortunately deceased. Both have written excellent books filled with medical documentation of their findings. A quick Google search on either would provide much info.

      If I could suggest some thoughts about how things can work with this…The hormone imbalance can cause several things that work together to cause weight gain. One, the imbalance can cause one to actually gain weight, even while dieting and exercising appropriately. Excess estrogen is stored in belly fat, and it manufactures more fat cells in a vicious cycle. Two, the imbalance can cause food cravings. Three, it can also prompt fatigue and depression, leading to sluggishness and emotional eating. Four, it can cause bloating–excess weight due to water retention. Five, hormone imbalance can cause inflammation or swelling of the female organs, leading to an undeserved “belly.” Six, all of the above cause more stress, which, if not controlled, throws the hormones even further out of whack. Yes, a pretty unwelcome combination! And men can be affected, too.

      Add in the fact that the body uses a couple of hundred hormones, and if one or two are out of whack, others might be, too–cortisol and testosterone, for instance. Also, the reasons for imbalances can vary from person to person. So, getting well can get complicated. It is wise for anyone who thinks this might be affecting them to do a lot of reading and self-evaluation. There are tests that can measure the levels of various hormones, and they can be done by mail.

      There are also better and lesser quality bio-identical hormones. I believe that both doctors list the better brands/formulations in their respective books, although Dr. Randolph makes his own, as well (which I used successfully).

      The books recommended above suggest additional actions that will help get the hormones straight…some of them are the standard health recommendations of Grandma herself, but now we know why she was right. 😄

      Your Highness Miss Gina,
      I hope you don’t mind, but I’m posting your comment as my daily article Monday morning. It’s too valuable not to post it.

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