2535. Submission #04 — From Discord to Harmony

The main purpose of submission is for a man to get his way in fulfilling his responsibility and only he knows best how to do it. She wants to help, and it requires that he ease up. They each believe themselves right.

The numbered situations and pointers continue below. They provide a keener understanding of how such things work to wife’s advantage and to enhance husband’s ability to work as a team and appreciate her as a more valuable partner.

  1. Submission is founded on male self-serving biblical interpretations and expectations of male dominance. The harmonized married life starts with this simple cause-and-effect loop followed by many trips around it. Wife uses her submissive spirit to calm husband’s desire that she always submit, which weakens his need to use dominance to get his way, which makes her indirectly more influential, which further reduces his insistence on her submission, which enables him to let his dominance fade in favor of cooperating more with her, which enables her to continue moving around the loop until their decision-making process is sufficiently harmonized. It’s a relationship skill that women inherit at birth, the wisdom to facilitate living together successfully.
  2. Submission is what men think they expect, which doesn’t mean they know fully what they need. It is a manly argument that men use to win their point, to act and appear dominant, to defend their seemingly invaluable role as provider-protector. They take the simple and easy approach. Submission is biblical and sounds natural and is therefore used as a male expectation. Women are far more detailed and precise in what they expect out of men, themselves, and a teamed-up couple.
  3. Men expect female submission because it prevents challenges to the manly role of provider-protector, the man upon whom others depend. However, he’s the man upon whom also falls shortcomings in effectiveness. When women arbitrarily submit unto their husband—at his insistence rather than their own preference—they forgo their influential position and, incidentally, lose some of their man’s respect.
  4. If men do not have to defend or prove themselves, they can be amenable and much less inclined to seek or require submission. Guess, who is most likely to then prompt men to want to defend or prove themselves?
  5. Women are foolish if they accept submission as men demand and claim it as privilege or natural right. Your best strategy is to ignore the subject in all its shades and even descriptions from the pulpit. Refuse to accept what you hear and don’t talk about it. Don’t get honked at what the pastor says and take it home. First, involving yourself in the subject does not advance your agenda. Second, it has the effect as getting in husband’s face, which puts him in competitive mode to defend his faux or real beliefs.Your in-born submissive and cooperative spirits, when used wisely, can neutralize husband’s dominance. Calm his insistence on submission, and you can subdue his dominance.
  6. Some men are more controlling and domineering and expect more submission than others. They are easy to detect. When dating she watches. During courtship she explores. When engaged she validates. When married she works—very indirectly and patiently—to change it. All the time she dances around and watches for red flags. The greater his support that women submit, the greater her workload will be to convince him otherwise, but that is another talent she inherits at birth—go around the loop in 5 above a few more times.

Can you use some more wife-promoting situational awareness? Come back tomorrow. Oops! Make that Saturday, day out of town.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage

7 responses to “2535. Submission #04 — From Discord to Harmony

  1. My Husband's Wife

    Yes! I can use some more wife-promoting situational awareness! I’ll be reading tomorrow…

    Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
    Regret it but make it Saturday and not likely to be early. Taking tomorrow off.

  2. anon...

    it seems like number 5, was how women CHANGED SOCIETY.. and now, women are unable to change it, since many of the women aren’t either in marriages, or able to, because too many girls are having sex with ‘dates’
    instead of at least being ENGAGED…with a RING and a WEDDING date…

    Your Highness Anon…,
    I agree. You’re right. Good problem identification work.

    • My Husband's Wife

      …and that’s a difficult thing to change: bringing girls back to chastity. I don’t know about you, but in my world I see the following progression of male/female relationships for those in their 20s: sex, cohabitation, child(ren), marriage. What is this going to look like long term? Any guesses?

      We know of several young ladies in their 20s who are finally getting married to their baby daddies after cohabiting for years. My husband even has said, “I would think the wedding would be anti-climatic, why now after all these years? Is marriage going to suddenly be important to them?” I’m glad they are actually getting married for the sake of the family in general—and hope that long term it will stick. Unfortunately many of these cases are children of divorced parents.

      Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
      The last stats I saw a couple years ago were these: Post-shack up marriages fail 80 percent of the time.

  3. Winni

    There was something that happened with my boyfriend and me that may be related to submission, I think. When we were out and after he had a soda he automatically gave me the empty box. What does that imply that he wanted me to carry the garbage until we found a garbage can? I did not take it, and he was okay with that. Was that wrong of me? Why did he do it? He is very respectful towards me.

    Your Highness Winni,

    No, it was not wrong of you. A wife would do it automatically, or fairly so, because husband has already earned her and she likes to please him by handling little things just because she likes to do good.

    But a boyfriend? NO! His game and role is to please you, earn you hopefully with diligent devotion to you, and a man doesn’t do that by handing disposal stuff to his woman not yet won. Ensure that he recognizes your dignity by your acting dignified.

    His acting very respectful to you is great. He needs to do it so many times and so often that it becomes habitual. That’s part of earning you.


    • Winni

      I appreciate your corraboration 🙂 Then I understand that as a wife it would not be undignifying to relieve her man of things that are a bigger distraction to him than to her. You’re right, I do kind of look forward to handling small things like that as a wife.

  4. Kay

    Hi Winnie, your boyfriend is either used to getting away with doing that in other relationships in his life ( even with his mother) so he did it kind of automatically OR he was testing you specifically for your reaction. Hard to know without knowing you individually or as a couple.

    • Winni

      Thanks Kay 🙂 That makes sense, people very much look up to him, and I’ve got a subtle sense from his stories that they could do things like that for him.

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