2537. Unpredictable Pays Off Especially for Her


Thanks to Her Highness Winni, she prompted this. The sexes do not see eye to eye on the subject of faithfulness. Men see sexual infidelity as the worst offense to them. Women see emotional infidelity as the worst to them; they can tolerate sexual unfaithfulness if they are sure no emotional connection remains with the other woman. It does not mean they will, but both sexes are born capable of seeing things as just described.

Women don’t seem to realize this. The more predictable she is, the less respect that a man has for her. Example: She declares loudly and often and he hears her just once, ‘if he cheats on me he is outta here, period’. She just threw up a disrespectful challenge for him to beat the odds. OTOH, if she’s quiet on the subject, she neither challenges him nor shows disrespect that he might even think about it. It is easy for him to presume that she trusts him, and he has no reason to displease her.

The quieter she is about her values, especially absolutes that reflect on him, the better she is as a wife. The more he knows that removes her mystery, the poorer she comes across as wife. The more unpredictable she remains, the greater her ability to influence him in any given situation. When men face a woman they know too well, they are unafraid to act; when they face one about whom they know little about what she really feels, they prefer not to act but at least pause to judge better what they face. The pause enables her to get her foot in the door of influencing him to get her way.

It is all a smooth and intricate game, but it is natural for her to get her way when he knows not really who she is, or what will come out of her next—as long as she never puts him down or criticizes or even claims constructive criticism. Those last things make him not care how mysterious she is about other things; she doesn’t respect him for who he is or she would not nag or criticize.

Even if he deserves criticism or nagging by his own measure, it is still unacceptable. She accepted him at conquest for who and what he is, and she is burdened to live with it. His view, at least. Her respect is more important than her love of him, so she is ill-advised to think, e.g., that constructive criticism is what he needs.

Consequently, what she will do—not what she thinks but what she will do—about the offensive things that can happen between two people is better kept to herself. The Sphinx in the home is best at getting his or her way most of the time. Unpredictability promotes marital glue; predictability about what one will do in specific events weakens marital connections.

10 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, nurturing, sex differences

10 responses to “2537. Unpredictable Pays Off Especially for Her

  1. Miss Gina

    Dear Sir Guy,

    Very interesting. Goes to show how the whole ’60’s and ’70’s thing of “letting it all hang out” is destructive to relationships, especially for women. I suppose that keeping one’s own counsel was once valued as “discretion.” I pray it makes a comeback–honestly, on a more general leveI, I think a lot of people are sick of the whole “oversharing” thing.

    Your Highness Miss Gina,
    Yes, and the BS of ‘full disclosure’ movement of about the eighties-nineties, if I recall correctly.
    Guy

    • anon...

      EXACTLY!!
      and now there are few places where men and women could even go dancing on a saturday night…
      unless its ARTHUR MURRAY type places
      ‘lettin’ it all hang out ‘ was a BIG TRAP!
      BRING BACK SKIRTS,,, and not ‘goth light’ either like many are wearing today–too much BLACK in the summer—–

    • 1jarofclay

      Sir Guy and Miss Gina,

      I’ve also read that Oprah popularized it (it’s called “Oprah couch confessions.”) *shudders* The rise of couples therapy also had a part in it since therapists promote “communication.”

      Of course, men say that we “need to be open and communicate,” but we all know what happens when women decide to do so. It’s best to keep Sir Guy’s advice in order to maintain the relationship sailing smoothly.

      Magnolia

      • 1jarofclay

        Oh, and let’s not forget that Sir Guy has some articles on the blog titled “Spill Your Guts, End Up in Rut.”

        I say discretion in all things promotes your mystery and dignity, which in turn makes men respect you more.

        Magnolia

        Your Highness Magnolia,
        Thanks. I forgot how to find it.
        Guy

        • 1jarofclay

          You are welcome, Sir Guy. In my experience, we avoid many arguments, offenses, and anger with our men if we keep our lips sealed when necessary.

          The Bible says that we should be swift to hear and slow to speak. (James 1:19) It’s one of the verses that I have written on notes that I have stuck to the mirror and go over every morning, –along with others such as the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)–as I pray with faith that I be able to put them into practice. Lord knows that marriage requires the diplomatic skills of, well, a diplomat.

          Magnolia

  2. Kay

    Hi Sir Guy,
    Paragraph 3 really hit me. It is precious advice for young women in relationships and married women alike. My parents were married for 60 years and had a very happy and loving marriage until my incredible father passed away last year. I always knew that my dad had great respect for my mother and had her up on a pedestal. He had a certain glow in his face when just the two of us were together and he would talk about something she did or said. A lot of times he would be chuckling and shaking his head about her. My mother comes by this unpredictability quite naturally. I never thought of it as unpredictability until I read your blog this am. I have always thought of my mom as having ” respectful spunk” which my adult children even admire. Again, excellent food for thought.

    • Winni

      What a beautiful bond they must have had! Thank you for the visual motivation to implement the techniques from the article, which I will reread again and again 🙂 An exciting read, it feels like knowing a secret the rest of the world don’t, don’t you agree?

  3. Unpredictability pays off for women even more when the husband thinks she would never “cheat” on him but she married him because he is a good provider yet she wants better quality genes for her children so she mates with another man/males to have stronger offspring while remaining married to her husband.

    Your Highness Godsgrace55,
    You seem to have a penchant for justifying bad character in women. It says a lot about the quality of your own.
    Guy

  4. Femme

    Dear Sir Guy,
    you say: “The quieter she is about her values, especially absolutes that reflect on him, the better she is as a wife”.
    While I see a lot of wisdom in this series, I can’t put my head around this one.
    If a man doesn’t know his wife’s values, then how is he expected to respect them?
    I’ve read tons of relationship advice and the general consensus seems to be, first know your own mind (as in, know what you are looking for in a mate) and then communicate it to the potential partner.
    You seem to be saying something different…?

    Your Highness Femme,
    Please study posts 717 and 718. You should find your answer there and better than I can respond now.
    Guy

  5. Femme

    Sir Guy,
    I just did.
    So we are not meant to communicate with men the way that we communicate with girlfriends/therapists etc.That would explain why (after doing precisely that at some point in my life) I thought I was creating a great relationship but the guy started losing interest very quickly.
    But – at the risk of sounding inexperienced and naive – how DO we connect with the guys, then?
    Am I missing the bigger picture?

    Your Highness Femme,
    Yes, you’re missing this big picture. Don’t try to connect with men. Wait for them to connect with you. If they don’t, keep working on yourself to be more attractive, appealing, and obviously a calm, patient, intriguing, mysterious, modest, and good woman.
    Guy

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