2545. Submissive #12 — Submissive Ends Submission


This ends the series, and I guess it’s about time. Readership dropped off dramatically, so readers must be full of submission. I hope that means well informed rather than bored.

  1. Men unsure of themselves and unwilling to let it be known arbitrarily expect submission in their woman. Relationship experts, also known as mature women, know better than to get involved with such men in the first place. [Guy adds: Of course, to some women, those usually endowed with less maturity, it makes a guy more attractive. She perceives that he needs to change and she’s just the gal to do it.]
  2. More than the reality, how submissiveness appears to both husband and other men can be a major issue. Admittedly, it is an ego thing. [Guy adds: She may find it more peaceful to present herself submissive to husband one way and differently in front of other men. The object being to protect husband’s self-image before others.]
  3. Just like men on the job, women expect to have their way in domains that advance their self-interest agenda, especially in their home, marital relationship, and mothering. Success depends largely on generating at least the appearance that he rules the roost. [Guy adds: If she expects to rule the rooster, she specializes in getting up before the rooster crows—actually and not just figuratively. He learns to depend on his woman when she prepares his day ahead of him. His dependence and her importance slips when she follows him out of bed in the morning. (I speak about their natures and not today’s practice.)]
  4. By not getting in his face, she keeps him open for negotiating and accepting her influence. She knows that his guilt about his own mistakes impresses him much more than if she cites them to his face or in front of others such as the kids. Staying out of his face is the essence of capitalizing on her submissive spirit. [Guy adds: Her peaceful and accepting demeanor in the face of his mistakes makes him doubly regretful and uncomfortable. It’s discomfort that mostly inspires men to change.]

Submission aside, over the years the wife/mother ultimately wields the greatest family influence. In the final analysis, she is much better equipped to anticipate competing decisions and negotiate or disguise with cooperation what is really happening in home and family.  It’s the product of a skilled relationship expert doing her expert best.

A woman’s submissive spirit is equally or more influential than a man’s expectation of submission. That is, however, if she fully develops the God-given talent inherent in her submissive spirit.

17 Comments

Filed under courtship, dear daugher, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences, The mind

17 responses to “2545. Submissive #12 — Submissive Ends Submission

  1. Shermy

    Sir Guy,

    This series has been worthwhile indeed! And yes, I am full of submission, lol. My guess is readership may have dropped off because this information is hard to use if you’re not already in a relationship or dating seriously, so maybe those readers didn’t think this was for them. But valuable info nonetheless!

  2. Miss Gina

    Dear Sir Guy,

    This is important stuff.

    I see #42 as the keystone to all of it.

    I think a lot of women really need specific examples of how this works, because most have never seen it in action. It flies in the face of everything most of us have been taught.

    My offering of a specific example: Husband states a strongly held opinion on a subject important to him. Let’s imagine it’s about what kind of refrigerator to buy. She disagrees inside, knowing his choice will not ultimately yield the benefit he imagines. Besides, she will use it the most, and her choice will suit her food prep needs best. Importantly, her choice is already taking into account the actual need of everyone, not just her whim or preference. Also, in my example, she is keeping within their means regarding cost, size, etc., because she is truly all about smoothing things over and taking stress out of his life. She wants to maintain a submissive spirit without violating her conscience. Also, it is his money and his house, too, so she sees a need for him to buy into her choice.

    First, her response to his expression of opinion is to recite back to him his preference and his reasoning behind it. This makes him feel heard and validated. She can say she understands why he made that choice and smile. She has not said she agrees with him, but he is feeling good.

    If all is going well, and he is not too married to his choice, she can right there insert a very short plug for her opinion. “I really felt drawn to this one because it will help me keep more of (his favorite food) on hand/I think I can get dinner on the table faster because of X (or insert any reason most likely to appeal to him).” In a very good situation, he may feel free to give her her choice. If he doesn’t, she quietly moves on to the steps below.

    If all is not going well, or if he hasn’t bought in yet, she can simply end the conversation after offering her understanding of his opinion. He may not even be aware that her opinion is different from his…this is good. She finds reasons to put off the purchase.

    She plants seeds: Making dinner, she cheerfully mentions in passing how her favorite refrigerator would make things a little easier for her (or faster, if he is less in tune with her needs–men are always about faster, better access to food). He may disagree, but in any case it is dropped. This is not intended to start a conversation.

    Another day, she points out how she likes his choice, but she is concerned that it couldn’t hold enough X (his favorite food…or if he is really thoughtful, it could be her favorite).

    Another day, she wonders aloud about whether X feature on her favorite might really be great to have because (whatever reason). Then she moves on.

    At some point, she gently prods to see where he is on the refrigerator choice. She never disagrees outright with his stated choice, but she never outright agrees to it, either. She continues to plant seeds, even if limping along with the old fridge. With family harmony intact, eventually, most men will be willing to buy the one she desires. He has never been challenged directly. Her choice is not selfish and does not stress him but does indeed suit the entire family best. He sees the superior reasoning behind her choice, but he has come to this conclusion himself. He may even come to think it was his idea in the first place! Therefore, he is usually willing to magnanimously grant her desire.

    Of course there will be stubborn men, emergency situations, and whatever else. Life is not perfect, and there may be times when it is best to choose not to fight a particular battle. However, the woman who keeps peace in the home and avoids fights will in general have a more cooperative husband.

    Some may call this manipulation. I call it respecting the husband’s ego and opinions enough to give him time to change his mind while saving face.

    Your Highness Miss Gina,
    Thank you for a delightful and exemplary technique—and especially clear.
    Guy

    • Meow Meow

      I think what you are describing, Miss Gina, is more “Persuasion” then “Manipulation.” 🙂 That word has fallen out of usage, but I think is very relevant in what Sir Guy describes….

      Also, it usually takes two to tango to “be manipulated”, (when we are talking about two legal adults who have free will that is…children/animals/infirm are more vulnerable) many times people confuse coercion, (as in blackmail, threat of deadly force), manipulation, and persuasion as if they are all the same thing and equally bad!

      (FWIW I’ve been watching a lot of Film Noir movies lately, which are all about these fine lines, responsibility, and shades of grey!)

      Your Highness Meow Meow,
      Nice job of discriminating.
      Guy

    • Shermy

      This is exactly the kind of examples some of us need! Thanks so much!

      • My Husband's Wife

        I agree that “persuasion” describes this approach very well. I also don’t believe it’s manipulation as learning “his” language and speaking to him in this manner is actually selfless. It’s working for the betterment of the relationship, which is working toward something bigger and better than just yourself.

        By-the-way, I enjoyed reading every word in this series and the comments that have sprung forth from this subject that is now almost taboo in our culture.

  3. Sorry to hear readership dropped off. I’ve enjoyed these posts from my email feed, though I don’t often come to the site to say so. Thanks for all you do!

    Your Highness SteelBayou,
    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another sterling character joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear. And thanks for the nice endorsement.
    Guy

  4. SouthernBelle

    Sir Guy,

    I am not understanding #39 but would like to. I suppose this ties into my struggle in sizing up Mr. GoodEnoughs. Deciphering which traits while not ideal, are not deal breakers and may change with maturity or feminine influence versus those traits of immaturity that are the tip of the iceberg to greater woes. In other words, keeping standards high versus being idealistic in evaluating Mr.GoodEnoughs.

    Your Highness SouthernBelle,

    If I understand you correctly, you would like techniques for uncovering red flags about a man’s proclivity to insist on submission. Try these:

    • How easily does he honor your insistence? Such as not eating at a place you don’t like, or not going where he want to go.

    • How easily does he bend to your taste on various things that might rattle another man?

    • How does he go along to agree with your ideas about how other women dress, or how some men act imperiously/dominant/aggressive?

    • Find out something he feels strongly about and disagree for the fun of it. See if his temper is short.

    • Try gently to provoke him to see how far you can go, but keep it so you can recover with humor.

    No right or wrong answers except as you may find red flags for you, which you have already learned to deal with.

    Guy

  5. Dear Sir Guy,
    I have read, and re-read, each entry in this series, finding them immensely informative and helpful. You do spoil us by having them available through multiple sources. I receive them by way of email, Twitter, and additionally via this website.
    I believe that Her Highness Shermy and Her Highness Miss Gina both made valid points. This is a great deal of information to absorb and retain if you cannot put it into use right away, and it absolutely contradicts what has been force fed to us for many years.
    I am seeing a resurgence of a more masculine men, in the truest sense, who have been pushed to their limit with both feminism and with the damage done to boys/young men with fatherless homes. There will, in correlation with this, be a need for feminine women to take back their rightful place, and this series on submission is a critical piece to that puzzle.

  6. Miss Gina

    Dear Friends,

    Here are couple of submissive one-liners that can let a man know you are displeased or not in agreement without challenging him:

    “I don’t know what to make of that.”

    “Well…” and nothing else.

    “I can certainly see your point of view.” And nothing else.

    “That’s very interesting.”

    Or, give him the skeptical teacher look; it could involve one raised eyebrow, or not. It’s the look of the teacher who knows what nonsense you are trying to pull and isn’t fooled, but she is on your side. Good for when he is trying to put one over on you and you aren’t buying it. His response is a good indicator.

    Another look that can work wonders is the poker face.

    And a third: Eyes get wide and blink very fast–face is innocent; she says nothing.

    My husband always laughs at the last one; I do it without meaning to, but he gets the message and is not offended because he sees I am trying very hard to maintain my composure while disagreeing inside. I think it could be done well with practice and good intent. Anytime we disagree but get him laughing is a *good* thing. 😀

    • My Husband's Wife

      Dear Miss Gina,
      Thank you for these examples! I’m going to learn these lines. I’m still way too verbal in my approach to displeasure. For some reason, I have copied my father’s way of speaking (more direct) and it’s a real struggle for me to find better words. This helps tremendously.

    • Shermy

      These are awesome, and I can imagine VERY effective lol!

      • Miss Gina

        Dear Ladies Shermy and MHW,

        Took me way too long to learn…but here we are, finally…glad they are of use. 😀

        A key I have learned is that since men like puzzles and mysteries, they like to have the chance to draw conclusions for themselves from the evidence. It makes them feel good to figure things out.

        So, you often can have him feeling good about himself *while* you disagree, if you work it right. (By being quiet and pleasant while also clearly in disagreement or displeased.) Sometimes, right there, he wants to fix it for you!

        The minute we tell them outright, their natural urge is to oppose and win. Ugh!

        Your Highness Miss Gina,
        Last sentence: Right! Tell them outright and you light the competitive light and ring the bell for round one. It is their nature, not you but your masculine technique. The feminine nature knows to avoid acting manly.
        Guy

    • Meow Meow

      Also the old standby, a poker- faced “Hmmm…” (Note: no frowning when you say this.)
      Love these!

    • gonemaverick

      the poker face has always worked for me.

      thanks for this tip: “I don’t know what to make of that”. #smiling

  7. sharon

    Dear Mr Sir Guy
    I dont think readers dropped off.i think you may have more readers then you think.
    i found your blog 2 months ago and been reading every day.
    there are im sure many women who do they just dont reply because they are learning.
    i just wanted you to know that this blog is the best ever.
    i think with in 5 years many many women will be flocking to your blog because women are going to want the trandianal kind of love and want to be home with their children instead of out working.i belive many will start going against feminism
    my 20 something daughter and i hope to one day be daughter in law already exspress how they would love to beable to stay home with their children when they have them.both want the life style of the past but nowadays alot of people need to have 2 incomes just to live,very sad.i belive feminism caused that as they faught to be in the work place without considering that not all women wanted that and now some dont have the choice but to work because she needs to or because men exspect it now as normal.
    america relized 2 people worked and made more money so they uped prices on everything that women may not have the choice to be home
    thanks to feminist they ruined it for all women to be home with their children and make family what it once was

    thank you for showing us women how we can reverse what femisnist did to all of us

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