At 2546, Her Highness Christine motivated me to respond to this, “I’m struggling to understand why no fellatio during courtship, whether there is fellatio in marriage and if not, why.”
The following are default motivators that reside in men and women as the result of how they are born. It doesn’t mean they have to act this way, and of course they don’t. But it’s their inborn nature, and it produces the most compatible and permanent arrangements within a couple, which according to the inborn female nature is the most highly desired result.
- Men are driven to compete with other men, whatever gets in their way, and to shape human events. A woman’s refusal for first time sex together gets in his way, and the hunter-conqueror determines to shape events to his liking. Men are also born with self-respect and do not give it away until it is earned by either men or women.
- A man’s love of a woman is based on the respect she earns from him; it’s an essential foundation. Without it, his love will not develop or at least not deeply enough to satisfy her. They drift apart or worse.
- The respect she earns by delaying conquest and making him await her decision to yield is the highest she can earn, it is different from other respect she may earn for beauty, intelligence, athletic prowess, etc. Moreover, it is an unconditional type of respect—even resembling mother love in loyalty, and it programs his heart for life. He learns to respect the better conqueror.
- He may later lose his love of her, but her courage and determination remains in his heart; she delayed his great conquering threat long enough for her to get what she wanted. Respect she earns is proportional to delay.
- He spends his courtship time and effort trying to uncover her weaknesses so he can bed her. But what he uncovers instead are her qualities that he can admire, each of which becomes a virtue to him. Seeking to marry a virtuous woman, as do all men, her virtues accumulate. Many virtues eventually morph into a fascinating woman, he sees her promise as mate for his present life, and the hook is set in his mouth that a proposal is best for him.
- The great respect she earns overcoming his best efforts overwhelm his primal urge to conquer. Just by refusing to yield, she becomes his relatively innocent and immaculate prize. He can presume that she must not have yielded to all those other guys, if she could refuse all his charm, effort, and determination.
- He figures it out, which makes it easier to believe; he has some guarantee that she is reasonably close to unblemished. Not that virginity is sacrosanct, but not following a whole bunch is guys is critical to him. When he ‘owns’ something by virtue of winning, he doesn’t want to meet previous ‘owners’.
- Of course it sounds sexist, but it is his nature. These flood him: pride of possession, self-admiration for winning, self-satisfaction of ‘owning’ the best, and sense of significance of who he now is and what he can do with her alongside. Not sexist but self-interest; that which motivates everyone.
That is the basis for a couple’s success. The more respect she earns, the stronger the foundation of his love and all the other connections that produce a compatible and permanent life together.
A relationship usually starts his way. Starting as competitors with the man acting dominant, a woman is expected to bow to masculine wishes. When women bow easily, they earn no respect. So, cheap and easy sex generates no respect and men do not bond with sex. Double miss for her. The relationship is temporary. What is fellatio but easy sex? Ask and you shall receive. So, it adds neither respect nor permanence in an uncommitted relationship.
In a committed relationship, much the same thing happens. Fellatio is cheap and easy, but it reverses the process of earning a man’s respect. If he says do it, she says no, he insists, and she does it. Easy pushover and just what men don’t respect. Or, she chooses to initiate, he accepts, and then remembers how men disrespectfully treat each other, something from childhood and beyond.
I’m told that pleasure motivates one for sex, which elevates fellatio in the options available. Not being the prime motivator, however, makes it suspect as to the naturalness of it. If pleasure be the guide, then fellatio can be called natural. But I cite four motivational forces that are more natural than pleasure:
- Her physiological urge to nurture triggers the urge to procreate.
- Her psychological need to assuage the needs of others stimulates her to copulate.
- Her natural need for self-importance ignites ambitions to outdo and outshine other women to capture and mate with the best quality man, whom she seeks to ensure high quality offspring. Necessarily, because of the male nature, it usually involves sexual relations.
- Her nature craves intimacy, especially when her spirits are down. The promise of pre- and post-coital touching and body closeness fuels her desire for sex.
Does that make fellatio unnatural? Close to it? Respectable? Worthy of respect?
What is the primal and primary form of men showing dominance of a woman? Demo of strength? Physical control? Overbearing attitude? None of those? It is and always has been poking his penis in her. Are all orifices the same in terms of either earning or losing his respect for her allowing it? Do men consider themselves well respected to have their orifices penetrated? Or does the earning and losing of respect desert the male mind when in bed?
Better yet, what is the primal and primary form of men showing dominance of a woman that he respects? Men claim that fellatio has no effect on their respect for a woman. Can such a claim be trusted? Man on man makes a difference.
“Suck my cock” is a common expletive and way that boys and men use to tell another that I have no respect for you, so take off, butt out, or whatever to close the encounter. Disrespectful actions beget disrespect. Wife/girlfriend repeatedly does a disrespectful thing, and his respect dwindles or worse. Whether girlfriend or wife, fellatio neither earns nor upholds a boyfriend’s or husband’s respect. Doesn’t mean they can’t survive as a couple, but his love cannot fail to diminish as his respect wanes. His devotion may save their relationship but that’s another story being told in the current series, Ten Steps to Win a Man’s Heart.
Finally, I regret having sampled some porn video. But I quickly lost respect for porn dolls with semen slobbers on face and dribbles on chin. Just how does a female gain advantage by fellatio except for money?
FURTHER COMMENT. A man’s respect and fellatio may not be mutually exclusive. But for a woman to think fellatio promotes her advantage to keep a man is mutually exclusive. Were I a woman currently engaging in fellatio with my man, I would try to disengage by using the tactics described in the Virtual Virginity series listed in the CONTENT page at blog top. The VV process requires that a man respect a woman’s decision to withdraw from specific sexual activity. Unfortunately, not all men have the heart to show that much respect to their woman—so I would be very careful before presuming myself victorious.