Fourth step: More factors and principles intrude to play major roles whether sought or not. They too cannot be ignored in the process of winning a man’s heart.
- He thinks of marriage to fit into his present life and expects it to always be the same. She thinks of marriage for the future and expects that she can morph it to fit her girlhood hopes and dreams. He marries expecting her not to change, but she does. She marries expecting him to change, but he doesn’t.
- Women primarily rely on words and what they hear, men do not. Men primarily rely on actions and what they see. It is a gap that women as relationship experts are born to close amicably and to each woman’s advantage.
- Men seek to marry a virtuous woman. Each man identifies each woman’s virtues, which are qualities that he admires. The more virtues the more attractive and, hence, more appealing for marriage.
- Before conquest he determines that she is either a keeper, booty, or disposable. He knows the long-range and perhaps short-range outcome. His presumption can change to her favor, if she delays conquest long enough for him to find her more virtuous, more promising as a keeper than previously imagined.
- Men will do whatever women require for convenient and frequent access to sex, and it includes marriage when women present it appealingly enough. She can lead a horse to drink, but she can’t make him water.
- Nothing a woman can do earns more masculine respect than diligently guarding against conquest with friendly, admirable, and non-offending persistence; e.g., no threat to his ego or her likeability. In that way, she charges the highest price—holding a hunter-conqueror at bay and at her discretion, which establishes her uniqueness among women—for what men value the highest of all her assets, first sex together. The longer she defers conquest, and considerably after his dedicated obligation to marry, she has earned the most binding masculine respect. It is an indelible respect that is difficult to lose—even if they later split up.
- Men avoid competing with a woman except for the period of time they pursue conquest. He will compete vigorously and let her do the same working toward their first sex together. Not compete post-conquest for more sex, however, just for conquest because he changes dramatically after that. So, a woman is free to do whatever is necessary in refusing to yield, so long as he does not get the message that he is disqualified and has no role in her life.
- All that they both do is done for themselves in the end. Even expressions of her love make her feel good about herself more than others. Consequently, her words of love that make her feel so good have little effect on her boyfriend; he is awaiting her actions to confirm it. Actions that identify her true self, and he expects will continue, if they marry.
- Women have by far the worst dilemma. She either values current boyfriend or marriage as the highest of her priorities. She does not have to value marriage more than him, but she has to convince him that she does. Else, she cannot defend her position about remaining chaste without driving him off in the process. It is a terrible dilemma and many women find the process very difficult.
- If she is the right woman for him, his actions walk him into devotion, love, and marriage, if she will but refrain from interfering by placing demands on him, opening her mouth too much, or otherwise making herself unlikeable or less attractive.
She should not let him know the deeper reasons that govern her life. It gives away her mystery, because men judge women by the curiosity that stirs their imagination. Examples: 1) Do not claim that he is Mr. Right, especially not to him. 2) The one most fearful of losing the other is the one most likely to lose, so she should not show fear if he threatens to dump her for not yielding to his conquest. 3) She should not disclose that she is withholding sex until she marries. Even though her intent, she should not confess it, because it weakens his hope, which pressures him to quit her. 4) She should not reveal that he has won her, she belongs to him, he is the only man in her life, or that he is free to do anything he pleases without losing her.
Men do not love as women do. Women reach for the wrong thing. His devotion is more visible and relevant in her life than his love, although his love drives his devotion. Paradox? You bet. Put it this way: The way to a man’s heart is to engender his devotion and forget his love, which will magically appear later. The details are next.