2555. Ten Steps To Win A Man’s Heart — Step 08: Stay Out of His Way

Eighth step: This article applies mostly after a couple reaches the point they talk about marriage. The previous one (2554) described the decision process a man uses to talk and walk himself into marriage.

I advise you ladies to stay out of your man’s decision-making path. Your lack of patience and over-eagerness to express your total boatload of feelings screws up his thinking. You can overdo the latter to the point of appearing desperate, very bad for you. You should focus on making yourselves more magnetically likeable to each other. It’s two of the foundation stones of a man’s love, and it makes use of your feminine traits, talents, and skills.

Also, go slow and patiently. Allow him time to figure out winning you his way. Date, have fun, visit others, enjoy each other’s company. Make the most of associating, convenience, comfort, pleasure, and adventure that thaws and melts two personalities together on the road to becoming one couple. But let him convince himself to marry.

If he pursues you instead of just sex, he has anxieties to overcome to win you. Let him do his own overcoming. Your relieving his anxieties or making it easier for him to win you makes you a less-earned gift, less-satisfying achievement, and thus a less-valued objective.

Two objectives for you: Delay conquest as long as possible and don’t tell him how he is winning your heart. Your discretion of slowness and being non-committal serve you best. Go along encouragingly but let him figure out his progress, because it is both easier to believe and more permanent. Meanwhile:

  • Find out more about him that you appreciate and that support your loyalty and his likeability. He is learning to more deeply involve himself because of your attractive likeability. You may see your romantic love as mutual love, but it’s too early; he needs more time. Men are slow to love, but quick to commit with romantic love—provided they don’t have to use those three little words (sincerely and honestly, that is).
  • Avoid when possible or shorten all passion pit stops. Smiles, pleasant nature, and friendly defense of your reasons for chastity should not reflect adversely on him as person, man, or potential mate. (A woman can even marry a man she doesn’t respect, but a man can’t even love a woman he does not respect.)
  • Don’t criticize him, your feminine charm can do better. However, provide pleasant and unchallenging negative feedback and then quickly change the subject, each time that he violates your values, standards, and expectations. That is, red flags that are not severe enough to disqualify him for you. It’s how he learns who you really are down deep. It is also how you determine what values, standards, and expectations that you are willing to modify to accommodate him in your life.
  • Provide little feedback except to admire his integrity, sense of responsibility and dependability, and character traits that please you. IOW don’t run off at the mouth how great your relationship is developing, how he is in tune with your way of life, or what you have to offer as a wife. You want him to learn all about you and you of him, but you want a slow exchange of info to gently get used to each other.
  • Let big smiles of approbation and pleasant willingness go along with his desires; let them replace saying “I love you.” Your actions of support and dependence speak volumes for him to weigh and to measure how he is doing in the process of winning you. What he figures out is far more believable than what you tell him about yourself.
  • Demonstrate firm personal strength by not smothering him with your love that you are so anxious to display. If he learns in courtship that he has to earn rather than be given your love, it will likely continue after marriage for as long as you remain the woman to whom he proposes.
  • He is into decision-making once the thought of possible marriage comes alive. He has to overcome his expectations to match your deferring, delaying, refusing conquest. By doing so, he learns to honor your many other decisions about your life, which represents a major victory other than delaying conquest and actual marriage.
  • However, honoring your decision about chastity tampers with his sense of significance, which is the product of who he is self-admirably and what he is and does self-satisfactorily. It’s about to change and he must plan for doing it satisfactorily in his life and for you as his soon-to-be wife. The thought of adjusting his life and his multiple roles to earn you is not an easy thing to accept, but if he does and you marry, his respect lasts for life even if something else separates you.

This posting describes how women can enable a man’s process of deciding to commit to marriage. Many considerations and some anxieties flood both heart and mind as he tries to decide how to proceed with someone he wants alongside for life. She dreams of it, but he considers the worthiness of it. Rather than impose interruptions caused by female anxieties to move ahead more promptly, she does better by following the guidelines above.


Filed under courtship, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences, virginity

12 responses to “2555. Ten Steps To Win A Man’s Heart — Step 08: Stay Out of His Way

  1. ayobeauty


    Your Highness Ayobeauty,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.


  2. 1jarofclay

    Beautiful. ❤

  3. A.GuyMaligned

    Ladies, I pause with this series. While it makes perfect sense to me, it appears I’ve slipped up. Reader interest is up somewhat, but the silence is deafening from the gallery of those who usually contribute so much more than I provide. I dislike for articles to stand naked without cover provided by those who agree, disagree, or question.

    My guess is I went too far, too fast, too deep, or too complex for readers. What say you? All inputs appreciated including criticism. Looking back I wish I had posted every other day. Too much too fast. So I’m taking the day off.


    • Thankful

      I feel its a bit like learning to drive a car Sir Guy. What do you need to learn first? Steering? The pedals? The gear stick? (All cars have gear sticks in my part of the world…) To read the road? The list goes on… In driving you learn a little bit of each and develop a little bit of each as you go along.
      So it is with the WONDERFUL lessons of these last few days. We are absorbing them and relearning them in life sized moments, bit by practising bit, and though we are quiet you are guiding us to where we really should be. THANK YOU.

      Your Highness Thankful,
      Thank you. It’s a big help.

    • 1jarofclay

      Sir Guy,
      This blog keeps getting better and better. I often have questions and/or observations that I don’t post and so the moment passes.

      I do love reading daily articles, but yes, sometimes we receive new info and I’m still digesting yesterday’s.

      This is a really good series. I’ll come back later with some questions/observations. I really liked what you said to Miss Beloved a couple of days ago and took note.


  4. Southernbelle

    Sir Guy,
    I concur with the other ladies thus far that this series is wonderful but takes some reflection and digestion to “see”. I find myself sifting in mind through relationships (mine and others) to determine if I can “see” these dynamics and insights at play. Please be encouraged that your faithful readers are here. I suppose the patience and slow to speak feminine virtues reflect even here in this forum.

  5. Kay

    Dear Sir Guy,
    In the comments section of Post 2553, I sensed that Beloved was feeling very frustrated and disheartened and was searching for reassurance and hope. I sensed anger in some of your response back to her. This was my perception of the conversation and I could certainly be way off base in my interpretation of both of your comments. Very respectfully….

    Your Highness Kay,

    You’re right. I just spotted a couple nudges of anger, and they stand out today much more highly than when I wrote them.

    I quote from tomorrow’s post, “Life becomes clearer once we compare male apples to female apples and do the same with two kinds of oranges, two kinds of pears, and two kinds of ….” It also seems to apply when one compares the apples of yesterday with those of today. I have no excuse, and offer no reason except that of trying to convince without offense.

    After eight years of extra caution to avoid being offensive to nice ladies, I just couldn’t make it for nine. Women are much easier to forgive than forget, so I shall go begging. Thanks for the tip.


  6. Kay

    You are a good man Sir Guy. Another tight hug for you.

  7. Shermy

    This is excellent and all gelling together nicely after being a faithful reader for many years. You’re making it happen Sir Guy!!!!

  8. Cote

    Will asking my boyfriend if he has plans for us in the future sound desperate? I’m not saying let’s get married now, but I wanna know if we’re headed in the same direction.

    Your Highness Cote,

    Yes, more likely desperate than good for you.

    Shift yourself into indirect mode. Speculate out loud but be sincere and honest. These are merely examples to suggest indirectness:

    • I can’t decide what to do after school. Several invitations to board with friends in big cities, but I’m uncertain if it’s best for me.

    • If I do grad school, it’s another few years before I get a good income. I want it but it’s difficult to wait.

    • My ex just went crazy; he proposed marriage as way to make up.


  9. Delay conquest as long as possible and don’t tell him how he is winning your heart. Your discretion of slowness and being non-committal serve you best. … this is something I am struggling to do. The eagerness to show him he is loved works against me rather than for me.

    Your Highness, Life with me,
    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to What Women Never Hear.

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