2556. Ten Steps To Win A Man’s Heart — Step 09: His Ultimate Love

Ninth step: If a woman masters the art of winning a man’s heart as described in the first eight steps, she develops the ability to capture and keep the man of her choice—in principle, that is. No guarantees as personalities are far too different to match up from anywhere but inside a couple’s life.

The preceding posts—especially 2552 through 2555—describe natural masculine motivation and behavior that can bring more understanding to what modern women know about men. His love emerges in three stages—devotion, bonding love, and true love—and she needs a deep understanding of it to win and stir a man’s heart toward marital commitment.

A man’s ability to love functions this way. His devotion pleases her and keeps her pleased with him. His bonding love promotes and sustains mutual respect and reciprocal trust. His true love promotes marital success. He is much more complex than she on the subject of love. At least his love can be defined; hers cannot and should not for it adds mystery, attractiveness, and masculine desire.

After deep and suitable analysis about her, them together, and marital obligations, the potential husband adds self-commitment to marriage on top of his bonding love and devotion. Not she but he convinces that he can and will succeed in marriage. Completion of the process that results in conviction motivates him to exchange vows.

Anticipated satisfaction handling new responsibility is the key to his belief that enables his move toward the altar. Bonding love and devotion are infrastructure; dedication to marital success generates true love.

True love includes both him and her as love objects. It appears as selfishness to women, as it appears to detract from them. But it is natural to men. They have to both love what they do and do it satisfactorily, or they are in the wrong line of ‘work’. In short, marriage is his work and leadership his job. His sense of duty and responsibility urge him to deliver on his own expectations primarily and then on hers. Meanwhile, his devotion motivates him to keep them mutually pleased with each other and sustain their mutual likeability and loyalty. The latter being the essentials for his bonding love to continue.

It’s his mindset. Marriage is more important than either or both of them, since he accepted responsibility for it with them as coupled members. Thus, his true love builds in three stages. From the top down it is this: his duty to marriage, binding love of her that arises out of mutual respect and trust, and pleasurable devotion to her.

Short recap: Men are born to love sex for the sake of sex; love work for the sake of satisfaction; and love women for convenience, comfort, and pleasure. Women teach them to exploit marriage to perpetuate relationships, and men step up to that responsibility by fulfilling their perception of duty. Thus, marriage is the institution that energizes men to commit true love to a woman.

A parenthetical thought: A mistress may have a husband’s bonding love and even his devotion, but by definition a mistress misses out on true love. It suggests, however, that bonding love and devotion to wife hit a snag. Probably one or more of these:  Mutual love weakened by irritable and disagreeable behaviors, loss of likeability or loyalty of one or both, undesired transformation from the person met at the altar, and absolutely loss of mutual respect.

Sometimes a man’s allegiance to marriage as supreme obligation doesn’t come across as quite favorable to his wife. She doesn’t know how she won his heart so effectively, and men seldom know how to deal compatibly with her as first in his heart but second in his actions.

Women are particularly skilled to build and manage a relationship. But marriage makes a man duty-bound above and beyond love, affection, and relationship, and he remains committed to lead with his dedication. It’s a bigger project for him than the loving and lovable togetherness she envisions and tries to live, manage, and get her way.

Consequently, women misread their man when he’s doing what he thinks best. Examples: a) He cancels, postpones, or cuts their honeymoon short because of a near-disaster in his business or job world. b) He insists they take a cheaper approach to accomplish something that symbolizes great love to her but which is lost with his cheaper method. c) She seeks to associate with those of another social or economic class that he sees as threatening the marriage, such as an attractive hunk stands out and too easily captures and holds her attention.

Men figure out what they have to do, and they manage marriage more as a manly function than female dream. Until her relationship expertise generates a compensating game plan, he doesn’t correctly grasp the meaning of her dreams. When he admirably learns how to integrate her dreams into his managerial role, he can more easily step down from his true-love high horse and please her out of his sense of devotion.

However, modern day pressures sabotage her relationship expertise. Blame and disrespectful expectations of modern men has them judging and speaking of women as ‘crazy’ with almost none ranked below four on a scale of ten. Crazy because women don’t act in their own best interest as men see it, not common-sense normal. (Modern compatibility continues to decline directly in line with the political objectives of radical feminists to make enemies of the genders.)

Women have better options. They can turn their too-dominated, under-appreciated lives around by exploiting that which mostly favors women and children. It makes sense to men when it appears to be common sense.

As already and naturally shown by the unwillingness of men to compete directly with their woman, men cannot dominate the superior sex if women act superior without disclosing their belief in superiority. Such as, the wise woman holds up the dominant sex as superior, and then weaves her feminine interests in with those of men and her man. It makes women all the more mysterious, attractive, appealing, agreeable, and compatible with masculine expectations. It keeps men interested, curious, and guessing with evermore active imaginations. It also enables women to tame male dominance and govern their homes, relationships, and cultural values within the standards of the female’s best interest.

Over the course of this series, I left out a lot more about how sex differences cause both relationship compatibility and disruptions. I highlight many important ones in next post, 2557.


Filed under courtship, feminine, Fickle female, Her glory, marriage, sex differences, The mind

6 responses to “2556. Ten Steps To Win A Man’s Heart — Step 09: His Ultimate Love

  1. SeekandFind

    “Such as, the wise woman holds up the dominant sex as superior, and then weaves her feminine interests in with those of men and her man.”

    Hi Writer, I’m curious. What does the mindset of such a woman look like? What behavioral patterns does she have? What habits would a woman like that tend to have?

    Your Highness SeekandFind,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman or a man joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    Basically, a wise woman’s habits and behaviors should flow out of her mindset generated out of these concepts. I know and like who I am. I deserve to fulfill my hopes and dreams. I respect the male gender as much or more than my own and can love one man to the exclusion of all others. I know I can get my way through patronage of a good man that I recruit, depend on, and support as he fulfills his ambitions and lives the life he aspires to live with me faithfully serving at his side.

    Much more of your curiosity can be assuaged by studying the current blog series, Ten Steps To Win A Man’s Heart. It begins at 2547 and will end with step 11 or 12 in the next day or two.


  2. Femme

    Sir Guy,
    In view of the recent split of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie it makes me wonder why some couples (and I personally know 2) can go on living together for ages in (it seems) perfect harmony without tying the knot. Then the minute they do it, or shortly afterwards, there is a split with a (usually big bang).
    What’s at work here?

    Your Highness Femme,
    You can figure it out at the end of tomorrow’s post, 2557, by comparing the difference between a man’s love and his true love. After years of shacking up, marriage gives him a different persona and she cannot accept the surprise as suitable.

    • Femme

      Thank you, Sir Guy, for a prompt answer. I am awaiting the post eagerly as in this case everybody seems to blame HER for the split. Mostly because she “stole”him from his previous wife.

  3. 1jarofclay

    Sir Guy,
    You often say that a woman has one or two years from first sex together to build enduring love versus romantic love. As I mentioned, my husband and I waited until our honeymoon last summer.

    He is devoted to me and shows it in many ways. He is very loving, kind, patient, and unselfish and has demonstrated through his love, as the apostle Paul said in the Bible, that he loves me as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it. Always puts me first, says that I’m the queen of this house (and never asked for a pre nup), he brings me flowers every week and leaves little love notes for me. In a recent post you said that men also show their love by helping around the house, etc. He does those things as well, so I’m very blessed. (Of course, he’s a lucky guy too ;-))

    When I was dating I concentrated on becoming the woman that you describe on this series. Now I’m trying to make the switch to becoming a likeable and loyal wife (as he is likeable and loyal to me), and being more dependent as well as letting him dominate. He recently used almost that same word that you use (dependent– and I immediately thought of you) and said that he’d like more of that from me. To be fair to him, he lets me dominate other areas and is dependent on me and defers to me! I just love him so much. 🙂

    For example, I said I’d do reasearch for the upcoming election, check out each candidate’s platform, etc., and fill him in. He said that the candidate that I choose is good for the two of us to vote as a couple. When I asked him the other day why he relies on me like that and defers to me, he said because he loves me tremendously to start, and also because he trusts my judgment. Isn’t that the sweetest thing ever? ❤ 🙂

    So my desire now is to become the wife that you describe on this blog. I got pretty good at dating and now I have to make the switch, as I said. It's not that easy as I was very independent, but he really deserves it as you can see.

    A few suggestions to lead me in the right direction would be greatly appreciated. Any older posts would help as well.

    Thank you in advance,

    PS. Great post. Especially that last paragraph. Terrific.

    Your Highness Magnolia,

    Congratulations on your wit, likeability, wisdom, character, and fortitude. All women could do it by following your example in both choosing and governing your relationship.

    As to what to do next, the post after next scheduled for Wednesday may fill the bill.


    • 1jarofclay

      Thank you. I look forward to reading it.

      Just one more thing: I hope that I didn’t give the impression that my marriage is all peaches and cream. Since I’m still a newlywed, I find myself doing quite a bit of recovery. I’m working to iron the kinks as we get used to living with each other.

      My Christian faith, my wonderful mother who set the example of the woman of Proverbs 31
      and this beautiful blog are the inspiration for me to want to become a better woman and wife. My future is bright.

      Thank you once again, Sir.


      Your Highness Magnolia,
      My schedule shifted and I posted the article today, 2257.

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