2557. Ten Steps To Win A Man’s Heart — Step 10: She is THE Key

Tenth step but it’s the most important: This step is all about what she does to make herself worthy of being won and kept as girlfriend or wife. After all, a man first has to want her and then want to keep her. Seeking to marry a virtuous woman, he uncovers virtue in each of her admirable qualities, but she has to know how to exhibit herself effectively, how to out-unique all those other dolls.

Women should restudy the preceding nine steps and work them gingerly into one integrated circuit that matches up masculine expectations with female hopes and dreams. She’s in charge, as men have little or no interest in doing that.

But it goes deeper, she’s in charge of her appearance and character first and foremost. He looks for uniqueness and quality. So, she has to be a good woman out to make herself better. One so uniquely worthy that a man is inspired to go far out of his way to court and marry her with self-promised intention of keeping himself within marital borders. The greater her virtuous uniqueness, the greater his desire to have her for his own.

She accomplishes all that with two major objectives. Be virtuously good in and of herself, and then manage the process of doing good for, by, and with him. Men are not born to DO good but have only the ability. They need coaching and are willing to be inspired by a good woman to DO much better than their nature motivates them. In spite of appearances to the contrary, men are eager to DO good when they see it earn admiration of the other gender.

Born to BE good, a woman instinctively adopts and intuitively lives by the qualities her man consider virtues. She does best by exploiting what he considers her best. Doing what he hopes to see in his mate, she convinces him that he can do better as man, husband, father, friend. It’s the root of her expectation to change him (and the root of much turmoil as soon as he uncovers her intention.)

Men marry virtuous women, and the following jewels crown a female as feminine woman. They generally earn manful admiration and thereby make a woman virtuous and more appealing for marriage.

♥ Physical attractiveness marvelously enhanced by affordable attire and classy grooming—at all times in his presence. Sloppy and un-neat are out. Currently obsolete, but a tiny pinched-in waist carries more potential than most other features. Such a waist at age 50 can retain her starlet image of uniqueness.

♥ Sexual attractiveness enhanced by modest covering suggests by appearance that unique features are beneath, touching is forbidden, and men need more than just permission to go where they wish.

♥ Gentleness that attracts those seeking comfort.

♥ Forgetfulness that follows her forgiveness.

♥ Thoughtfulness that conveys her gratitude of others.

♥ Gratitude for her man that outwardly shines as happiness at having him nearby.

♥ Submissiveness that reflects a strong spirit of cooperation.

♥ Happy spirit that spreads infectiously and uplifts mannish spirits.

♥ Joyfulness that inspires greater hope and suppresses any urge to quit.

♥ Chasteness that promises loyalty to her man.

♥ Modest display of body and discouragement of flirting that symbolize fidelity.

♥ Generousness that smashes selfishness out of the lives of a couple.

♥ Receptiveness to his ideas without finding fault until execution threatens failure.

♥ Delightfulness that makes her man smile, just because she turns on that spirit.

♥ Willingness to welcome his devotion as adequate while she awaits his bonded love.

♥ Unselfishness that spreads as example that others deserve her.

♥ Perpetual smiling countenance that suggests all is well.

♥ Neatness that displays her standards and inspires others to be more like her.

♥ Goodness that sets a shining example to all.

♥ Faithfulness that inspires him to follow her example.

♥ Steadfastness that prevents complaints.

♥ Patience that calms the waters of frustration.

♥ Trust of him that energizes greater respect of her.

♥ Respect of him that energizes greater trust of her.

Those two dozen virtues are female strengths, some inherited at birth and others developed in childhood. Some girls learn otherwise, and some women are too busy, ego-stricken, or politically discouraged to develop and use them. Of course her man may not be worth such effort, but feminine jewels hold a man’s respect, which is foundation of his love, and which provides both her ability and opportunity to morph a Mr. Good Enough into her Mr. Right after a couple decades of marriage.

Her behavior makes men good, bad, indifferent, inadequate, or whatever. Provided, that is, she doesn’t mate up with a hopeless case to begin with. As Eliza Doolittle affirms in My Fair Lady, “The difference between a lady and flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she’s treated.” The more feminine virtues he inherits before and after marriage, the better she is treated, because respect follows his admiration of her unique qualities.

Self-promoted with those jewels listed above, women receive the greatest, kindest,  fondest, and lady-like treatment. Such virtues may not be essential, but they facilitate earning affection, devotion, bonding love, and true love in marriage.

It returns us to the subject of a man’s true love. I explain it more clearly next at 2558.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

17 responses to “2557. Ten Steps To Win A Man’s Heart — Step 10: She is THE Key

  1. aroundtheriverbend

    I’ve been looking forward to this post all through the series!
    I think this part is so important…without these qualities how are you going to attract men in the first place??
    Very grateful for this series, there’s been a lot of eye opening points for me 🙂

    Your Highness Aroundtheriverbend,
    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

  2. 1jarofclay

    I love the jewels! It’s amazing how much of an influence we have on our husbands! And it’s so true what you say: “A woman is usually in charge of what her husband is thinking.” So very true!!!


    Your Highness Magnolia,
    And for a newlywed, you can find treasure in this because you can learn quickly and adapt so easily. A man only needs to see two messages to be content at home. She always smiles, which tells him he is doing okay. She never complains, which says that all goes well and he needn’t worry except as she deserves to be rewarded with his affection.

    • Magnolia

      I agree. Here is an example of devotion to her husband: Jackie Kennedy. In this video she talks about adapting for her husband. I love it.

      • 1jarofclay

        At one point JFK didn’t want to marry. He just wanted to run around with women, but his father told him that if he was in politics he needed a wife. He pushed him to marry. He was attracted to Jackie but not in love yet.

        Jackie was a wonderful asset to his political career as demonstrated in this video and in time he grew to love her. She made him look good! That is how men bond. They look to see how a woman will fit in his life/career. His father saw it from the beginning.

        He came to love her more and more toward the end as she made him shine throughout the world. He cut back on his running around with other women but never really stopped.


        • 1jarofclay

          It doesn’t play here. Anyway, for those interested, you can see it on YouTube. The title is “Jackie Kennedy -In Her Own Words.” I believe it’s 7:10 minutes long. It’s part of a longer show, I think.


  3. My Husband's Wife

    Excellent series! And this last list is something I can reread every day as reminders. I so do need reminding!

    As for this line: “Physical attractiveness marvelously enhanced by affordable attire and classy grooming—at all times in his presence. Sloppy and un-neat are out.”

    What I find very sad is running across more and more of our ladies who look and willingly portray themselves as down and out. Women with ill-fitted clothing that highlights excess weight and masculine-styled hoodies and jeans are the worst. And I know this might be a controversial statement: Tattoos and piercings really take away from a woman’s natural prettiness and I’ve heard over and over from various men that they are turned off by them. It used to be that only a small portion of rebellious teens dressed this way for a time until they grew into an adult, but now subculture is mainstream. And it’s not only women, it’s men. Many either dress like a thug or look like they’ve fallen off a boxcar! If you take a look at the grocery store during the middle of the week, mid-day, the most respectable-looking are the retired couples 70+ out shopping as they are in dress paints, button-up shirts, clean shoes and hair in place.

    I also like how the word “affordable” attire is added in the list above. It’s a good reminder. One of our Bible readings for this past Sunday was 1 Timothy 2:9 “…In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;”

    You don’t have to have a lot of money to look good or present well. And my husband points out that it’s not always looks either—it’s how one carries themselves. The inside light reflecting outward.

    Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
    “The inside light reflecting outward” is the light men most like to have around and even follow when they think no one notices.

    • Anon...

      Don’t get me STARTED ON TATTOOS and PIERCINGS.. LOL–sigh
      its horrible!! and makes older ladies a lot more attractive than younger ones, which is the opposite of how men usually are…
      Myself? i also HATE the way there are few colors women are wearing, as if they are stuck in blacks, and dark purple because too many young women have TATTOOED FOREARMS..

      • My Husband's Wife

        I’m so glad that someone else shares my dismay regarding tattoos and piercings. 😉 I’ve noticed, too, that in the conservative religious circles proper dress for young people is still encouraged and it’s quite refreshing when you see this. And your mention of “lack of color” is important. I have to confess, before this blog, I had gotten sucked into wearing mostly black attire and I now believe the color negatively affects mood and attitude.

        Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
        You’re so right with this, “I now believe the color negatively affects mood and attitude.” And so does quality of apparel, preparation, and mirror time that makes it all fit together.

      • Meow Meow

        And to think, for years most style experts have been telling women to dress in black because it “makes them look thinner”…I also think though that it can make us look too serious, and older!!!

        Maybe wear black on the bottom half, and colors on the top!

        Your Highness Meow Meow,

        Yes, black became highly fashionable when female bodies laden with fat became common, and it morphed into the fashionable way to show disregard for men. It was so evident back in the day that what we have today was coming. Female pride died, tight-waist belting disappeared, excess fat became normal, obesity grows ever more popular, loose and casual garments make women unattractive, dating is now obsolete, and men figuratively go underground spitefully to emerge only for a weekly conquest or booty call.


        • Miss Gina

          Dear Sir Guy,

          I am a member of some “old photo” sharing groups on Facebook for my hometown. I’ve seen some photos of grocery stores in the 1950’s and 1960’s and noticed exactly what you describe, for both genders, actually.
          There were really no obese people, and most were at an attractive weight. Having been born in the mid-60’s, my memories of shopping with my mom verify the same.

          In the photos, men wore dress shirts, if not ties, with slacks. They often had hats, removed when indoors, of course (*not* baseball caps, but real hats like fedoras). Women wore pretty, everyday dresses or skirts and nice shoes (*not* sneakers and sweats or yoga pants or leggings). And the stores had young men to help with the bags!

          I’ve noticed in even older photos of everyday life in big cities (1900’s-1930’s), women were not afraid to wear very nice clothes shopping. Now, a woman might be accused of being pretentious if she did.

          I do it anyway. What are pretty clothes and jewelry for but to brighten the world? (Ha, ha! In your face, feminists!) A very sweet older gentleman came up to me the other day and said I made him want to put on a suit. (This side note is not to brag but is living proof that what you teach here every day is absolutely true, and any woman can live it, if she will actually get up a bit of courage to be different and do it. It absolutely does change the world. I’d love to read other examples here.)

          • Meow Meow

            Great post Miss Gina! I also find joy in “dressing up” to run errands. I don’t ALL the time, but when I do there is a marked respect in the way I am treated. I LOVE the way people dressed from 1900s–1940s. Classy, well- fitting clothes that showed off each genders’ best assets. Put a modern man in a backwards baseball cap and ugly shorts into a well made suit or dress shirt and their self respect goes up as will the glances from the ladies. The same with ladies….accentuating/highlighting our natural differences seems to mainly bring out respect from the opposite gender. I don’t really care what “feminists” or “non-feminists” think. But i will always compliment someone else who takes the effort to dress well. If we want more of it, we can show other people that it matters!

    • Anon...

      BTW, i notice, in some churches. usually independent Baptist type ones
      young people dress VERY PRETTY.. It seems that most young ladies going there are in skirts/dresses with some jewelry.. NO TATTOOS or they are hidden–and the young men look like GENTLEMEN.. no long hair, (keep a barber busy) button down shirts, no tshirts, slacks/ no jeans on sunday…and these are YOUNG MEN!!

  4. Miss Gina

    Dear Sir Guy,

    Love all of this, but a favorite quote is the following:

    “In spite of appearances to the contrary, men are eager to DO good when they see it earn admiration of the other gender.”

  5. Sandra

    Sir Guy,
    This videos always brings tears to my eyes and I haven’t forgotten about it since I watched the first time because that’s the kinda of love and devotion I want in a husband. I hope I find mr good enough real soon. But as I was watching the video in the beginning of the video he tells his wife he doesn’t know how many men she was been with it but he hopes he was the best. So throught their marriage she never reveled her sexual history even until her death bed. I thought of you as I watched it. Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful wisdom Sir Guy I’m forever grateful 😊.

  6. aroundtheriverbend

    I tend to be attracted to more outdoorsy kind of men (not scruffy, just low maintenance).

    I wonder if men like this would be put off by women who always look super neat and dressy?

    Your Highness Aroundtheriverbend,

    No man is put off by a super neat and dressy and presumably highly feminine woman. Except perhaps to figure that she couldn’t take his outdoorsy life. But that’s okay. He would pursue her for sex long before throwing her aside as unqualified for his life. She would have her chance to modify his thinking as long as she abstained from sex with him.

    I take it that you’re a very young lady. May I suggest this as a more productive road for you to travel? Quit worrying about men. You can do nothing with or about them. They will and should find and chase you. Encourage them by making yourself the greatest target they see in whatever the current moment and place.

    Make yourself a better woman; all men are looking for that. I suggest you study and work on the qualities described in post 2557.


    • aroundtheriverbend

      Sir Guy,

      I’m not as young as you might think, though I’m aware I come across as such in writing.

      Having been an ‘adultolescent’ for a fair few years now with no real feminine role models (my mother is a businesswoman who has never married and looks down her nose at housewives and ‘traditional’ women), I’m still very much at the beginning of my feminine journey.

      Your Highness Roundtheriverbend,
      God bless you for seeing the light.

      Thanks for the advice Sir Guy, I will work on these jewels 🙂

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