Twelfth Step. Winning a man’s heart is only the beginning, there’s the challenge of keeping it.
Both sexes are born to get their way dealing with others. He deserves it. She needs it. That sex difference governs the way to keep his heart for life. As both dominator and competitor, he expects to have his way with her. She keeps nudging his fighting spirit away from self-centeredness and toward ultimately matching her cooperative tone for living together. Doing so enables getting her way in matters important to her.
He expects the winner of his heart to have virtues that other women lack. He wants a woman like no other and perhaps much different from how she views herself. So, to win and keep his heart, she needs to shine more uniquely in his eyes than he shines in hers. Since he’s more particular, he resists change. She’s more flexible, which means she can change to get her way more often and better.
Who and what she is as a feminine star is more important than who he is as potential mate. In the final analysis, the way to both winning and keeping a man’s heart depends on who she is internally more than what she does externally. (Late in married life, their roles reverse, but that is another story.)
To close and depart the series, I offer this opinion. By far and away the most successful marriages work like this. He’s the boss but he doesn’t have to compete with wife to get his way. She makes cooperation shine so effectively that she also gets her way often enough to be encouraged, and he learns to respect her so sufficiently for her success that he morphs toward cooperation as best for them. It’s how she ultimately puts herself in charge of their relationship with his acceptance and ultimate approval.
She gets her way like this. If he expects to get his way, she doesn’t want her specific way at that time; the future bodes best for her. With feminine flexibility (max flex as we call it in my family) she figures she can maneuver around or modify his way to adequately fit her interest.
Temper, raised voices, and anger initiate and typify competition. When wife is so smooth and cooperative that she and husband always reach some mutual agreement rather than individual way; respect for her grows, competitive emotions arise less often, and husband responds willingly and favorably to her harmonizing but unnoticed leadership.
It probably sounds like fantasy to most wives, which means they have not studied this blog deep enough or actually tried the process in real time. She’s in charge, when things go well. She’s not in charge when things go less well, which means that recovery comes only with practice to win his heart by improving her own.
The way to win and keep a man’s heart is through her heart and inherited expertise to make relationships form, function, and fulfill girlhood hopes and dreams. Her hopes and dreams are a good guiding light that makes a couple subordinate to some higher order, if God is not in their lives. God and Nature tell prepubescent girls what their world should become, and as women they produce it. Anything less works to the disadvantage of females and their children.