2592. Who is Responsible for Marital Success? Chapter 4

Having qualified Hank as potentially good enough for her, Jenny loves the thought that a courtship approaches and his devotion may be developing. It’s no time to screw up as done previously; if she plays the sex card this time, her life is no longer under her control.

One ex-boyfriend, one ex-husband, and one ex-friend with benefits plague her conscience. She can do better to restore her self-importance and be grateful for someone she can adore.

Reviewing a long forgotten pledge to herself, she renews her determination to abstain from sex this time. She reinforces her dedication to resist excess passion, swears off one-nighters with dreamboats, promises to screen men for their worth to her, and project herself as much more than sexual potential.

After a few dates to screen and qualify a man for her future, if he doesn’t want her more than he wants sex with her, then he disqualifies himself as good enough. How can she tell? She is much more than her sexual assets, but she has only one way of conveying that to dates and the coterie of men that shadow her with sexual ambitions—abstinence.

She knows what she needs, wants, and expects in terms of being coveted. She deserves to be loved affectionately, long, and with babies welcomed by devoted father. Men, except the specific one she chooses from all the others, deserve to be denied sex. Earning her is far more important for shaping her life beneficially, whereas earning sex misshapes life to her disadvantage.

She expects to yield to the man who meets her requirements for fulfilling her girlhood hopes and dreams. She owes him that. She hopes to swap his independence and dedication to her life for frequent and convenient sex that bears her stamp of ‘specifically protected’ from his competitors. Thus, she can also inflate his ego to help fulfill her life. She knows a man marries for much more than sex, but by elevating it in her thoughts as if it does, it helps keep her on track to her goal.

Refusing to yield sex confirms her self-respect, -confidence, and -love, all of which justify her as deserving of fulfilling her hopes and dreams. It also confirms her self-importance as she saves up her gratitude for the man who ultimately wins her heart as life mate. With those qualities to backstop her decisions, no one will be figuratively dashing through her life wearing track shoes and leaving her weeping and bloodied body alone—as did ex-husband, -boyfriend, and -friend.

Jenny is not conscious of it, but instinct tells her. If she misreads herself and yields sex prematurely, aka before her standards are met, then any conqueror has little investment in her. Her hopes and dreams will begin to vaporize, if she loses control with any temporary arrangement. Platonic courtship must prevail in her mind and heart, as she returns to thinking about Hank.

By yielding sex prematurely and not allowing a Mr. Good Enough’s devotion, bonded love, and true love to develop, she allows her hopes and dreams to spoil as she adjusts to living some man’s life instead of her dreams. Thus, instinct guides her properly if she lets it.

Saying ‘no’ in the present enables her to save ‘yes’ for the right time, right man, and right future. Having reviewed her options and determination. She’s excited just thinking about guiding her relationship with Hank according to her expectations. She has to keep excitement to herself, but that does not dampen Jenny’s anticipation of their fourth date….


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, Her glory, How she wins

7 responses to “2592. Who is Responsible for Marital Success? Chapter 4

  1. Shermy

    This makes a lot of sense! Thanks Sir Guy!

  2. LadyRose

    This is such a joy to read!

  3. Milena

    In my mind I know this to be true, that sleeping with someone doesn’t lead to lasting love and that it’s better to wait, but it’s hard to escape patterns of seeking love that have been ingrained since childhood. I think a lot of women know this, but still find themselves making different choices than they originally intended.

    For example, I recently stayed over at a friend’s place (he slept on the couch). He pursues women all the time and sleeps around practically every night. I’m not really attracted to him in a romantic way, but we have great conversations where he does most of the talking and I listen because I think he has valuable things to say. But, if I’m really honest, a part of me felt hurt and sad by the fact that he didn’t try to seduce me as he does with every other woman he meets, and I felt rejected and unattractive for not being desired in that way, while the rational part of me is happy that nothing happened and knows that I would have felt miserable afterwards if it had. But those feelings and fears of rejection are very real and I don’t think they should be hushed away or repressed.

    I shared this example not to be judged on the many ways I handled things wrongly, but for all the ladies who are struggling in their attempt to create healthier relationships and to learn to respect themselves more. It’s tough, especially if you have not been respected and loved as a little girl for who you were, and you are not alone in this struggle.

    Your Highness Milena,

    Wow! Thank you. It’s a clear and poignant description of the double-life situations that players exploit. Women begrudge lack of attention, but know in their heart it’s better than begrudging self later. Players feast at the height of vulnerability.

    Incidentally, your friend is a player. The player’s game plan is to show masculine superiority by having women initiate conquest. It’s the female game of hard-to-get adopted by men. Many women have morphed into round-heel pushovers offering no resistance to men who thrive on tougher challenges. Players restore challenges, accomplish tougher conquests, and feel better about themselves. In the end, they create tougher challenges to make life more appealing.

    Masculine hard-to-get takes advantage of the contrast mentioned in first paragraph as opposed female grudges. Women fall for it, because they would rather be desired than thought inadequate.


    • Shermy

      Milena, THANK YO SO MUCH for articulating that inner struggle so clearly. It makes too much sense and perfectly captures things I’d felt but could’t put into words or clearly understand. I get it now, thanks so much for that!

    • Shermy

      Sir Guy, how are we ladies supposed to compete with these women who give men everything they want for free? If a guy can play forever, why would he even tolerate a woman who plays hard to get? You also reiterate that this love thing men can take it or leave it, and they mostly leave it. Seems tough to win.

      Your Highness Shermy,

      You compete by making yourself more uniquely qualified to satisfy a man for settling down, trading his independence for a super attractive woman of quality, and helping him satisfy his daily life with support, respect, and dependence. The more he is depended upon, the greater his accomplishments fuel his sense of satisfaction, which is the male equivalent of female happiness.

      Of course, it’s tough to win. It’s why God made women the superior gender. The secret lies with women sticking together, setting the moral and highground values they expect of men, living by their own standards, competing with women for the best men, refusing more than competing with men for sex, and refusing sex to those who don’t measure up to womanly standards and expectations. IOW, making unmarried sex the women’s rather than the men’s game.

      However, I’m afraid it’s a long way off. Women have lost track of their nature and how to use it to get their way, which the naturally superior gender can do but seems to ignore more and more.


      • Milena

        Dear Shermy, the fact that you got some value and insight out of my comment makes me very happy, so thank you for putting a smile on my face. 🙂 I’m not sure what Sir Guy would reply, but personally I would say, firstly, that I understand your doubts and fear so well. Secondly, I would suggest that you try to write down, honestly and without fear, the qualities that you innately possess and the good things you would bring to a relationship and to a man’s life. Then try to feel some gratitude for yourself and what you have been gifted with, even if it feels vulnerable or alien.
        Now when we return to your questions, can you see it from a different perspective? Does the wonderful you need to compete at all? When you meet a man who’s only looking for an easy lay, does it bother you that he leaves the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of courting you and being loved by you?
        I know it’s hard to always feel good about ourselves and to be in that state of mind when interacting with men, but we simply cannot give up on believing in ourselves and believing that we deserve more than being used to boost a man’s ego.

        Your Highness Milena,

        Great suggestion here: “I would suggest that you try to write down, honestly and without fear, the qualities that you innately possess and the good things you would bring to a relationship and to a man’s life.”

        IMO, the most significant disturbance to the female psyche relative to living a happy life is this. Each is not grateful enough for herself, and what she has to offer. If not grateful for herself, she cannot share gratitude for others, which is the source of satisfying her sense of importance, which is the source of a woman’s happiness.


    • Milena

      Sir Guy, a lot of what you say rings very true, but I feel so much compassion for those women who have turned into “pushovers” because I know where they are coming from. They feel this urgent need to be desired, to be attractive and important to men, without which their lives become painful and dreary. They don’t want to be pushovers, but they can’t see any other way of getting the love and attention they crave. And our culture fails those women and leaves them in the dark, with shaming messages about how women are not supposed to need men or want to please them, are not supposed to feel or have all these needs. It’s very toxic.

      Your Highness Milena,
      You’re so right. However, I favor education more than compassion, and it’s a major motivation behind the nine years of blogging at WhatWomenNeverHear.

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