Hank qualifies for fourth date. He’s anxious to get hands on body, but he figures her premature and unexplained ending of their third date was caused by his venturing hand moving too close to her breast. What’s wrong with her? She has been married, so he thought she would welcome it. But he went too far too fast, or so he concludes. Or was it something else? Caution prevails tonight, as he warns himself.
He thinks of stretching what she will tolerate by using passionate kisses and whispers in her ear and then moving slowly to other erogenous zones. Then, he thinks better of it. Let him stir passion until she reveals super desire. Will it work? She may not ever become that desirous of him. Probably not, because his patience tends to vaporize with her in his arms, and he might again overstep her boundaries. Groin urges can destroy best intentions.
Keeping his hands in proper places, his fourth farewell kiss goes better. She welcomes it. He leaves her enthralled with his calm manner, gentle handling, and sweet words. She offers no rewards or encouragement except several pleasant smiles. Seems to have a good time, and she especially loves his holding her close. But desirous of him? Nope! No signs!
More perplexing than that, and good as the date is, Hank puzzles over a small response of hers. Misunderstanding one point she makes and thinking back on previous dates, he—atypical of a man—becomes defensive and asks, “Have I ever or do I offend you now? You just now flinched, seemed to pull back, and acted restrained, as if you want to end this date. Hopefully, I’m misreading you. I don’t want to displease or not please you, and I sure don’t want you to think my interest in you has diminished in the least.”
Eagerly accepting the early signs that his devotion may be developing, she quickly responds. “No, you have not. You’re quick and easy to please me, and I like it.”
Also embarrassed, Jenny wants to offer more. Reading What Women Never Hear yesterday, she drew this conclusion. Life is processes, actions follow effects more reliably than effects follow actions.
A woman earns a man with respect that morphs into admiration that makes him both likeable and trustful. A man earns a woman with admiration that morphs into respect, then grows with her likeability to become trust. It takes far more time for those processes to develop within men than women. Without a long time associating successfully, each effect may not develop, and the trust may not form.
Her mind also flashes from respect to trust, and how trust feeds on respect and vice versa. It all seems so natural and works well in their relationship, albeit serendipitously. However, she remains quiet about it. Her thoughts are to him much less relevant than after she earns his significant respect. Much like ‘full disclosure’ is ill-advised, and fourth date isn’t the time.
Jenny continues her recovery with this. “I’m sorry, but my mind wandered at something you said. I did not take offense but was preoccupied remembering something that impressed me the other day. In a relationship such as we are developing, ‘As one becomes more admiring and respectful of the other, it spreads the seeds of worth, waters the roots of likeability, and sprouts the connective energies of trust and love’. See what I mean? I know you laugh or snicker, but I’m such a romantic.
In bed that night, Jenny recounts her success at keeping sex out of the limelight. She pats herself on the back for prematurely ending the third date, just because he got too close to her breast. Slight invasion of her privacy prompts good decision. She read his intention and stopped it without causing offense; just enough initiative that he got her message. It confirms something else she recently learned, men believe what they figure out much better than what they are told.
She fights insomnia for awhile as she figures what he will try next. How can she thwart his effort innocently or peacefully enough that he accepts her way instead of his hitting the highway? What warning signals can she give to thwart him before he acts? How to get him to figure her out without her having to tell him?
On the whole subject of sex, she dreams continually of how to discourage his initiatives rather than have to say ‘no’ or ‘stop’. Using those words will have to come later, but the later the better; hopefully after her hook has been set and she has captured him for a lengthy courtship.
She fades into sleep with: He’s such a good man and getting more perfect with each date, of which tomorrow is the fifth and….