2593. Who is Responsible for Marital Success? Chapter 5

Hank qualifies for fourth date. He’s anxious to get hands on body, but he figures her premature and unexplained ending of their third date was caused by his venturing hand moving too close to her breast. What’s wrong with her? She has been married, so he thought she would welcome it. But he went too far too fast, or so he concludes. Or was it something else? Caution prevails tonight, as he warns himself.

He thinks of stretching what she will tolerate by using passionate kisses and whispers in her ear and then moving slowly to other erogenous zones. Then, he thinks better of it. Let him stir passion until she reveals super desire. Will it work? She may not ever become that desirous of him. Probably not, because his patience tends to vaporize with her in his arms, and he might again overstep her boundaries.  Groin urges can destroy best intentions.

Keeping his hands in proper places, his fourth farewell kiss goes better. She welcomes it. He leaves her enthralled with his calm manner, gentle handling, and sweet words. She offers no rewards or encouragement except several pleasant smiles. Seems to have a good time, and she especially loves his holding her close. But desirous of him? Nope! No signs!

More perplexing than that, and good as the date is, Hank puzzles over a small response of hers. Misunderstanding one point she makes and thinking back on previous dates, he—atypical of a man—becomes defensive and asks, “Have I ever or do I offend you now? You just now flinched, seemed to pull back, and acted restrained, as if you want to end this date. Hopefully, I’m misreading you. I don’t want to displease or not please you, and I sure don’t want you to think my interest in you has diminished in the least.”

Eagerly accepting the early signs that his devotion may be developing, she quickly responds. “No, you have not. You’re quick and easy to please me, and I like it.”

Also embarrassed, Jenny wants to offer more. Reading What Women Never Hear yesterday, she drew this conclusion. Life is processes, actions follow effects more reliably than effects follow actions.

A woman earns a man with respect that morphs into admiration that makes him both likeable and trustful. A man earns a woman with admiration that morphs into respect, then grows with her likeability to become trust. It takes far more time for those processes to develop within men than women. Without a long time associating successfully, each effect may not develop, and the trust may not form.

Her mind also flashes from respect to trust, and how trust feeds on respect and vice versa. It all seems so natural and works well in their relationship, albeit serendipitously. However, she remains quiet about it. Her thoughts are to him much less relevant than after she earns his significant respect. Much like ‘full disclosure’ is ill-advised, and fourth date isn’t the time.

Jenny continues her recovery with this. “I’m sorry, but my mind wandered at something you said. I did not take offense but was preoccupied remembering something that impressed me the other day. In a relationship such as we are developing, ‘As one becomes more admiring and respectful of the other, it spreads the seeds of worth, waters the roots of likeability, and sprouts the connective energies of trust and love’. See what I mean? I know you laugh or snicker, but I’m such a romantic.

In bed that night, Jenny recounts her success at keeping sex out of the limelight. She pats herself on the back for prematurely ending the third date, just because he got too close to her breast. Slight invasion of her privacy prompts good decision. She read his intention and stopped it without causing offense; just enough initiative that he got her message. It confirms something else she recently learned, men believe what they figure out much better than what they are told.

She fights insomnia for awhile as she figures what he will try next. How can she thwart his effort innocently or peacefully enough that he accepts her way instead of his hitting the highway? What warning signals can she give to thwart him before he acts? How to get him to figure her out without her having to tell him?

On the whole subject of sex, she dreams continually of how to discourage his initiatives rather than have to say ‘no’ or ‘stop’. Using those words will have to come later, but the later the better; hopefully after her hook has been set and she has captured him for a lengthy courtship.

She fades into sleep with: He’s such a good man and getting more perfect with each date, of which tomorrow is the fifth and….



Filed under boobs, courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, old school, The mind

26 responses to “2593. Who is Responsible for Marital Success? Chapter 5

  1. Beloved

    Really, Sir Guy? Men are that preoccupied with sex from the get-go? Are they pretty much all that way? Doesn’t he want to know anything else about her or is it all geared toward getting sex? What if, let’s say, they’ve met previously (barely spoke, no dates yet and definitely no sex or even kissing) and years have gone by but he already loves her and over the years has convinced himself he wants to marry her, how would his thinking be different on dates? Please humor me on this, even if if doesn’t sound plausible. And btw, this is a really fun series you have going. It’s very interesting to get this sort of “into the mind of a man” play by play.

    Your Highness Beloved,

    You won’t like this, but women need to hear it.

    It would be nice if men were like women want them, but they’re not. The male sex drives comes in two forms. The foremost and never ending is the drive to conquer attractive women previously unconquered. The second and more acceptable and adaptable is reserved for previously conquered women. Women expect the second to match their own drive, but it’s the first that controls the behavior of men until they score first time with each woman they manage to conquer.

    In the example you mention, “What if, let’s say, they’ve met previously (barely spoke, no dates yet and definitely no sex or even kissing) and years have gone by but he already loves her and over the years has convinced himself he wants to marry her, how would his thinking be different on dates?” How do you know he loves her? You cannot be sure until he has satisfied his conquering urge.

    You see, men are two different creatures, neither of which are what women want nor what they expect. Since your couple never had sex before, conquest would be uppermost in his mind, and love would be on the back burner until after conquest and even then you could not be sure until he proved it in action.


    • Beloved

      I forgot to add for my hypothetical scenario; he has been able to observe her for 2 years (college) but she wouldn’t let him get too close to her. But she definitely liked him and he knew it. She is also aware that he has been asking questions about her. And he definitely tried to get closer or speak to her on several occasions. So he was in pursuit I would say, and getting absolutely nowhere.

      Your Highness Your Highness Beloved,
      It does not change his behavior, except that he would probably be more circumspect and hesitant to add pressure for first sex together. Fear of losing her “again” could make him more cautious, and the urge to conquer would likely abate but not disappear. He is, however, a much better candidate for holding off until marriage, if she exercises her God-given skills and virtual virginity.

    • My Husband's Wife

      Priceless blog series! I can’t help but smile, but also part of me wishes I understood this years ago. It’s finally the “why” and “how” explanation of what I’ve always been curious about.

    • Beloved

      I’m confused. I thought men fell in love before conquering her, not after. Would you please clear that up for me? And as far as “how do you know he loves her?” Let’s say she prayed about it and got the most awesome peace she’s ever experienced. Wouldn’t he not be all hell-bent to conquer her but actually want to do things right to not lose her?

      Your Highness Beloved,

      Re: “I thought men fell in love before conquering her, not after.” A very few men fall in love at first sight, but I’ve not heard of it for many years; not since the sexual revolution. See post 2552 as it describes the three stages in the development of a man’s love. As you can see, development does not end until true love convinces him that marrying her is the best path for him to follow.

      Re: “Wouldn’t he not be all hell-bent to conquer her but actually want to do things right to not lose her?” Only after a lengthy courtship trying and failing to conquer her.


  2. Femme

    Lady Beloved
    thank you for asking this question!
    Exactly what I have been trying to understand, in vain.
    It really is hard to believe guys would do this much mental gymnastics just go get a woman into bed… once.
    Sir Guy, this series is priceless.

    • Beloved

      Miss Femme, I know!!! i can’t wrap my mind around the idea of wanting to do something so personal with a total stranger without getting to know him (all about him) and who he is as a person first! Are we women really that much more noble and dare I say, logical, than men??? Of course we women want to get to that exact same place, eventually, but come on, we have sense enough to understand that right away is not the best way (for anyone involved) and few of us would ever use a man like that. How can they be so uncaring about consequences of, at the very least, her broken heart, or at most, a third person (a child) being brought into the world that deserves a loving mother and father? Are they really such animals? Guy seems to say, “yes” and I’m sorry but men look at us as mere objects and I think we are more human than they are in this regard! I can see why we have to really be the strong ones and tame the male beast. But there is a disheartening aspect to all of this. I want someone who seems “all there” and that I can trust not to hurt me in any way (leading me on, trying to use me) whether he is a stranger or not. It just seems like such an adversarial relationship at first. How do you ever really love (or trust) someone who set out to selfishly use you in the beginning?

      Your Highness Beloved,

      “How do you ever really love (or trust) someone who set out to selfishly use you in the beginning?” It’s a process that women either govern or ignore. Nowadays, they ignore it.

      The lengthy process requires much more than infatuation, romance, and high hopes. To men a woman’s sexual assets are the most valuable things in the world—gotta have it, gotta have it, gotta have it—and no way would men give up such valuable possessions if they were the owners. Therefore, when women refuse to yield, men find them highly admirable as unbeatable and highly respected as unconquerable. Neither happens if women yield easily. Give away your “wealth” and you fail to provoke men with challenges.

      Consequently, a woman earns a would-be conqueror’s respect by keeping her legs crossed until he fails for so long that he becomes devoted to her, admires her qualities as virtues, identifies her as the virtuous woman he seeks to marry, and eventually concludes he wants her more than he wants sex with her.

      Now, to women, that sounds harsh and unfriendly. But that’s why God made women the superior gender. They have the natural expertise to handle men in order for women to get their way. Not easy but simple; she governs their relationship until they either marry or she yields first time sex. After both, the man dominates.

      Nowadays, modern women have lost their way due to political propaganda, pop culture and media influence, and forgetting that the superior gender is right and capable of easily governing the dominant gender.


      • My Husband's Wife

        That’s why they “need” us as feminine ladies 😉

      • Beloved

        Thank you so much Sir Guy for always putting up with all my questions! I have another one though. I have heard men say they are terrified of marriage because of the thought of only sleeping with one woman for life. Why is that so terrifying? Is it because of this urge to conquer attractive women that lasts his lifetime? Can you please explain this urge really, really in depth? What is so terrifying? Don’t they know that that thinking is actually wrong? What is so great about conquering a new woman? Again, please really detailed info would be awesome. It helps me learn. And thank you!!!!

        Your Highness Beloved,

        You asked the wrong question to get a nice answer. I have to unload.

        Count each generation as seven years long. That’s how often children change play, toys, games, habits, food, music, dress, style, language, ambitions, associations.

        Each generation has to be different from that of older siblings. Now, imagine how different they have become as adults after 50 years of such ‘evolution’. Trends morph values, standards, and expectations that accumulate into drastic changes over the course of seven generations.

        The adults of today are nowhere close to the adult culture of my early adulthood; e.g., in terms of responsibility, dependability, income earnings, work ethic, good fathering, good mothering, eagerness for marriage, dependence on others, reach for better education, study habits, association skills, family solidarity, ability to accept criticism. Trends form and evolve very fast nowadays.

        A quick summary. Men today are seen by women to be scared of marriage for five reasons that have evolved to the overall disadvantage of women.

        First, their role model fathers have not been good husbands, as women identify good, and so leadership by example is not the common way of learning husbanding and fathering.

        Second, present day relationships are typically unstable, because wives abandon indirect skills and seek to change their husbands directly, which is offensive by practice. Men refuse to be changed, and female frustrations cause wives to become more determined to get their way. Men refusing to change provoke blame from women. Consequently, women who are the relationship experts have given up or forgotten how to generate and manage successful relationships. You can lead a horse to drink, but you can’t make him water.

        Third, marriage changes women as they see new opportunities to fulfill their girlhood hopes and dreams. However, they also expect their change-resistant man to fulfill her wishes, but he doesn’t. Husband expects wife not to change, but she does. Wife seeks to improve her man, but he wants his wife to be the bride he met at the altar.

        Fourth, custom and laws provide and protect wives to the detriment of men. It enables women to find men faulty, confiscate the greater portion of a man’s wealth, and do so without regard for the women’s contribution. Gender determines outcomes, men are usually to blame, women are usually innocent.

        Fifth, Feminism taught women to blame men and men at first resisted but now wimpishly accept their destiny as defined by women. IOW, the superior gender cast aside its relationship expertise in favor of using the law and social pressure to dominate the dominant gender. By acting more like dominant men instead of superior women, they have produced a cultural bastard child—a transgendered culture, so to speak.

        Men act scared of marriage, but they really are not; it’s a form of complaint and explanation. They rationalize, because they know too little about it but aren’t about to admit it.

        These downward trends have worsened over seven generations. Little or no recognition or rewards for husbanding and fathering. Insufficient respect from wives. Too much wifely independence used to purposely avoid being dependent on husbands. Few challenges and little satisfaction for men who associate with women except for sex. Little in marital arrangements satisfies the achievement-urge in men or encourages them to seek greater challenges.

        Men are not truly scared; they are furious at dumb women who compensate for their adolescent inadequacies behind cheap and easy sex.


        • Beloved

          I only asked because you have said that the male nature has an urge to conquer attractive women and that it lasts for his lifetime. I wanted to understand what that meant or what it was like. I have to admit I’m a little confused at being blasted like this. I thought it was a honest and simple question. And I thought you’d appreciate fodder for your blog in order to really dig in to the male mind to help women. My mistake.

          Your Highness Beloved,

          You’re right on all counts. Your questions are good ones, and your intent to help me admirable. My mood was improper for writing. Soooooo, let me start over with other questions too.

          “I have heard men say they are terrified of marriage because of the thought of only sleeping with one woman for life. Why is that so terrifying?”

          It is NOT! It is male propaganda to steer clear of marriage without offending the gal they are sleeping with. Men don’t get terrified or even scared when they have the option of avoiding something—except perhaps some dragons in their mind.

          “What is so great about conquering a new woman?” Self-admiration, self-satisfaction, self-significance, getting ahead of his competitors, great feeling of sexual competence, and did I mention fun, sweet talk, and heavenly sensitive and even sexual stimulation?

          Be sure to read Femme’s comment nearby. It’s a good one.

          Finally, you’re an up front, blunt, and candid gal. I like that, but your boyfriends/husband may not appreciate it with the same fervor as I have. They respond better to female indirectness and reserve directness as their specialty.


          • Beloved

            And I still don’t feel like you answered my question, but went off on a tangent I never even was thinking about. Would you be willing to answer my question? I was really looking forward to what that is like for a man. I’m not angry and wasn’t trying to make you angry so I am quite perplexed right now.

            Your Highness Beloved,

            Your screen name matches your communication style, and I answered your original questions in your initial comment.

            I constantly visit the tangent world. I value the big picture as most valuable for learning, so one can better figure out their own life. You seem to be very young and perhaps leading into this question: What is it like for the hunter-conqueror to associate with women? I answer it in my latest article, # 2594.


            • Femme

              Lady Beloved,
              I don’t think men are scared of having to have sex with the same woman for the rest of their lives, actually. Not the emotionally mature ones, anyway.
              I think they are scared of marrying someone and committing to her for life and her becoming someone unlikeable during the course of the marriage – which, given the fact that life is long and unpredictable, is quite a legitimate fear, I guess. That’s where they shoot themselves in the foot, I think.
              Perhaps past generations of wise women (pre feminism) understood this unrealistic expectation and dealt with it by PRETENDING to be the same, all the while morphing the husband indirectly.
              Unfortunately most women I know (if not all) would scream MANIPULATION! at this…
              These days, we are meant to be direct and open and honest, otherwise we are dysfunctional.
              I have a friend who has had 3 very unsuccessful relationships but still believes that whenever she is emotionally triggered she has the right to scream, attack, vent, convince him of her being right just because she is a woman.
              Her upsets are usually for a very good reason, but even I find her outbursts irritating, childlike and unattractive. She is usually all over Facebook as well when she is triggered, preventing me from wanting to share personal things with her – just in case I ever get into her bad book :).
              Also, I agree with Sir Guy about the transgender culture.
              Have been horrified by it for ages. I have an organic reaction when i see a beautiful model with all physical female attributes and and a manly beard…
              What’s more, in today’s society we cannot express our horror at this sort of thing.
              We are meant to accept everybody as they are and no matter what they do, otherwise we are racist, misogynistic, homophobic, islamophobes etc.
              How is that freedom?
              I just didn’t know, until I started reading this blog, how we ended up in this situation.
              It’s hard to be told it’s all the feminists’ fault (and they are women…)

              Your Highness Femme,
              Durn, you have learned a lot and express it well. Thanks for the help.

              • Beloved

                Miss Femme, Feminism isn’t all women’s fault any more than civil rights upsets are all black people’s fault. If they had been treated the proper way (all men and women are created equal) these situations wouldn’t have happened. And Guy has said that feminism was started by men on the left. I am not a feminist, myself. But I did go through a period of time where I hated men. We are all (men and women) being brainwashed to hate the other gender. And due to what women see in the world around them (bad behavior by men) their anger is fueling feminism. The problem too is that they look at Muslim countries and don’t even look at how wonderful men in the US and elsewhere are or can be! Many women I have met are more rotten (on a personal level) than the men I’ve met. But then when you look at the world as a whole, it seems men have women beat in rottenness with all the crap they put women through. And on a much larger and more cruel scale. If everyone would just follow the Bible…

                Your Highness Beloved,
                “We are all (men and women) being brainwashed to hate the other gender.” Amen, sister, amen.

            • Beloved

              Thanks for giving me a nicer response this time, I thought. “what did I say to p*ss him off so much?” I really do appreciate this blog and the fact that you answer people’s individual questions. I’m glad I inspired a new post. I always look forward to learning everything I can on this topic. May I inspire another post? Examples of how to not be so direct? I know I am a “cut to the chase” type of person (it’s my nature) but I don’t like it and have no idea how to change it. Examples (as in a marriage) would be very appreciated. And thank you also to Femme for her comment!

        • Milena

          Dumb women? Oh my.

          Your Highness Milena,

          I presume you address this comment of mine. “Men are not truly scared; they are furious at dumb women who compensate for their adolescent inadequacies behind cheap and easy sex.”

          Confirm your interest and we can discuss it. If something else triggered your comment, be more specific and make it discussable.


          • Milena

            I just wonder why you used that word, seems kind of harsh.

            Your Highness Milena,

            Dumb may be harsh, but I reported0 what men say. Now, dumb is obsolete and crazy is the term used to reflect masculine opinion of women. One guy gave it video exposure with his Hot vs. Crazy matrix with over 15 million views and presentation on daytime TV. The video is intended as fun, but were it not for a measure of truth, it would not be humorous. At the end he presents his matrix for women too.

            My purpose is to not to view women as either dumb or crazy, but to report how men currently judge women. Why? What causes it? Also, if dumb is passé, crazy is in vogue, what comes next? All such terms signify deterioration in male-female associations and relationships. Women continue to reduce their respectability among men, except for sex of course. IMO, it stems from blaming men as feminists taught us to do.


            • Milena

              Funny, the friend I mentioned earlier told me he was glad he knew me, so he knew there were ‘normal’ women out there too. Still, from what I see around me, a lot of men dig ‘crazy’ and pine for ‘crazy’ when ‘crazy’ is gone. So maybe a part of their anger and frustration should be directed at their own choices and not only at the women they pursue.

            • Ari

              That video Sir Guy! oh hahaha terrible. 😛

            • Femme

              Yeah. Charming.
              It would be much more useful though if the dude explained what “crazy” actually means in guy terms.
              I suspect though that guys don’t really want women to stop making the mistakes they are apparently making because let’s face it, that would mean the end of free sex and then actually GUYS would have to shape up in turn.
              It’s not in their interests to do so, I think.
              “All hairdressers and anyone named Tiffany?”. PLEASE.

              Your Highness Femme,
              It’s brilliant! “I suspect though that guys don’t really want women to stop making the mistakes they are apparently making because let’s face it, that would mean the end of free sex and then actually GUYS would have to shape up in turn.”

              • Milena

                I agree, lady Femme.
                I would be very careful with any man who calls a woman “dumb”, “crazy” or “irrational”. It’s language used by emotional abusers who manipulate you and put you down with insidious remarks and then mock you and question your sanity when you start acting out and standing up for yourself (It’s called gaslighting). For any woman who’s been through an abusive relationship, a video like that, although meant in jest, can be very triggering, including the remarks that women should grow a sense of humour and be able to laugh with such things.

                Your Highness Milena,
                The name calling is primarily locker room-talk, influences man-think, and promotes wham, bam, thank you ma’am, and quick departure.

              • Femme

                Sir Guy,
                I’m not really sure what’s brilliant, my observation or the tactics that guys use (because they are clearly working for them) but in case you meant the former, thank you. 🙂

                Your Highness Femme,
                Of course the former. I too find the latter unsuitable, disrespectful, and highly undesirable.

              • Femme

                Lady Milena,
                My 1st thought was “I wonder who is crazier – the women this dude describes as crazy (and I don’t know if it’s me or was he trying to suggest it’s most of the female population?) or himself?”
                I’m also very familiar with gaslighting and this video is kind of worrying.
                I don’t think Sir Guy put it on his blog as an example of a joke… and even if it was meant as a joke, it’s a distasteful one!
                Looks like blokes are laying the blame game, too.
                (I’m sure I’m going to get a good chiding from Sir Guy for this, but that’s what I think…:) hee hee)

                Your Highness Femme,

                Chiding from Guy? Never! Neither are you deserving.

                The video was displayed for info as the idealized synthesis of how men judge and talk about women today. Distasteful? Yes! Reputation earned? Yes! Justified? No? Except if one accepts it as warranted for so much blame thrown at men for decades.

                Men are tired of the blame instigated by feminists, political correctioneers, and those who follow trends. Men fight back against the female gender represented by the women men identify as the worst to live with. No man can live with them for very long, and that is the root of ‘crazy’. They are individually spotlighted so other men won’t marry them. It’s a mutual protective movement for guys. The video lifted it out of barrooms and locker rooms.

                Broadcasting negative opinions slings guilt that many innocent women absorb; men know that and hope the innocent will quit listening only to women and begin once again to pay attention to the masculine slant in social and domestic affairs. Men sense they are abandoned by both law and government, and so they strike back in the easiest and least organized manner available.

                They throw blame and shame back into the faces of women in order to restore their own dignity, replenish self-respect, and otherwise perpetuate natural dominance.


              • Femme

                Sir Guy,
                this is in response to your comment below the video but I can’t see the “reply” button under it for some reason.
                I can understand men are tired of the blame thrown at them but what they are actually achieving by doing this is they reflect it back to women and the vicious cycle begins.
                If feminism was initially instigated by men then they got what they’ve wanted (that is, free and unobligated sex) but why are they still not happy?
                Calling women crazy – the same women who provide so much fun.
                It would seem they really have no clue as to what serves them emotionally and with women abandoning their relationship skills, what can we expect from the future?

                Your Highness Femme,
                Your comments in lower case, MINE IN UPPER.
                this is in response to your comment below the video but I can’t see the “reply” button under it for some reason. I CAN’T EXPLAIN.


                If feminism was initially instigated by men then they got what they’ve wanted (that is, free and unobligated sex) but why are they still not happy? UNOBLIGATED SEX MAKES MEN PROUD OF TEMPORARY ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND PLEASURE, BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT MEN SEEK IN A WOMAN EXCEPT FOR PLAYTIME. SEE THE ARTICLE I PROMISED YOU FOR TOMORROW.

                Calling women crazy – the same women who provide so much fun.
                It would seem they really have no clue as to what serves them emotionally and with women abandoning their relationship skills, what can we expect from the future? TRUE. THEY HAVE NO CLUE. YOU MENTIONED IN A RECENT POST. MAGNOLIA AKA 1JAROFCLAY MENTIONS IT IN HER COMMENT AT 2596. MEN DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT, EVEN CAN’T TELL YOU WHY THEY BREAK UP WITH A WOMAN.


              • Femme

                Oh and btw – what are the best posts to read up on the “craziness” of modern women that makes living with them so hard?
                Is it the lack of respect?

                Your Highness Femme,
                Absolutely lack of respect in spades, but also usurpation of the normal functions of a man and husband. They earn ‘crazy’ by haranguing husband endlessly about what he does wrong, doesn’t do right, drinks too much (crazy justifies more), disrespects his opinions, steals his money, discourages new initiatives, competes directly and gets in his face doing so, poor mouths his employment, blames him for not helping her more, blames him for any R&R he may choose to take when tired, blames his taste in TV, blames him for disagreeing with her, and generally tries to dominate as if she is the head of the house.

                P.S. Also, he spends too much time with buds and not her and kids, his habits are offensive, she chose the wrong man, without marriage he still belongs to her, why can’t he be more apologetic and concerned with her problems, why does he leave her standing waiting for him? the kids need more of his attention, where does his mind go when she has a problem?, no sex until he gets her tasking completed.

              • Milena

                Some very good questions you’ve asked, lady Femme!

  3. aroundtheriverbend

    Sir Guy,

    First of all, I’m really enjoying this series…every day I look forward to reading the next part of the story!

    I have a question which is unrelated to this post.
    I have two male friends whom I’ve been friends with since we were teenagers, and we’ve always spoken very candidly together about sex and relationships. They know many things about my past and I about theirs.

    Now that I’ve started trying to live more like a WWNH woman, I’m realising that these types of conversations are no longer appropriate for me.
    Is it possible to regain more ladylike respect from my male friends or is it too late to recover after so many years?

    Thank you 🙂

    Your Highness Aroundtheriverbend,
    No, it’s not too late. Just gently morph toward more ladylike behavior. More feminine appearance, more modest tastes, and greater admiration of politeness and character strength. Moderate your dislike of masculine entertainment, such as comic book heroes and horror and violent movies/TV. Also, most importantly, continue to enjoy their company without judging or trying to change them. They are still okay and so are you; you just choose to improve who you are and where you’re going. No details. Don’t explain and don’t complain.

  4. Gabby

    Hi Guy,

    I’m curious as to what a guy is doing when he’s courting a woman of his choice and waiting for first conquest. Let’s say the woman is waiting until marriage. You don’t encourage the woman in question here to let a guy know he’s waiting until marriage because that would dash all his hopes and dreams. Is he getting sex from someone else on the side?

    Your Highness Gabby,

    Yes, he may well be, but you’re better off to ignore it provided:

    • His courting is fun and successful by your expectations and seem the same for him.

    • He seems devoted to you with only small entreaties to please him with sex. See post 2552.

    • Your mystery makes him curiouser and curiouser about you and your qualities and you see evidence that he sees them as virtues.

    If you try to claim him exclusively, you will probably lose him. Blame or accusation will make him want to escape it—if guilty he’s been found out, if innocent you don’t trust him. Neither is good for you.


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