After he arrives home from fifth date, Hank wipes from his mirror, ‘Jenny, what does it take?’ Now he knows. If he wants her, he must earn her. Unsure just what that means, he determines to discover who she really is. The challenge inspires him. He figures direct inquiry and prying may not be best. Instead, he will feel her out by finding ways to please her. Unknown to both, he takes an early step toward developing his devotion.
Having wiped one sign, he promises himself the other sign will come down in no more than three weeks. He knows where he stands and now knows better what to say. He thinks, just you wait, baby, just you wait.
After saying good night by phone, their routine rituals intensify as nights pass and dreams magnify. He imagines himself in bed and her entering it naked. He dreams of refining his competence and she joins him in pleasure.
Meanwhile, she too lies abed dreaming. She knows he would like her to first appear naked as if his sex slave, but she determines that he will see her as she wishes. After all, who’s driving this bus? She promises herself to approach the honeymoon bed in a gorgeously sheer, super feminine gown, smiling and smelling heavenly, and moving dramatically slow to demo with max effect that she has come to him. All the time visualizing bare-body togetherness wrapped in gentleness and intimacy she expects will follow.
Amid the fifth and sixth dates, their courtship emerges and they mutually understand unspoken promises. Two magnets turned face-to-face double their togetherness. The same happens with mutual attraction without mention of permanent or exclusive arrangement.
Actions confirm better; words can deceive. Men tend to avoid making the spoken promises that women seek to assuage fears of abandonment. Lack of verbal promises has two benefits. First, she can depend on his actions to reflect both truth and intensity of his feelings. Second, the absence of words to guide her causes very natural pressures for her to remain focused on his actions in the present, on his focus, on his life, and on the promises she sees therein. IOW, it helps keep her mind focused on him instead of her internal uncertainties.
Liking each other immensely, they yearn and arrange to spend even more time together. He doesn’t resist initiating new things to do, because she bows out and defers to his preference. He asks her less what she wants but tries to please her more with his imagination, affection, talent, skill, and competence.
He begins to widen their interests with more togetherness in new and unexpected ways. Crediting himself for great ideas, he fails to recognize that few are his. When he does become aware of what usually happens, his appreciation soars for her discernment. She is so smooth at it that he senses no challenge to his stature as leader of the team.
Never adding pressure, she hints, plants seeds, and otherwise lets him know what would please her; the purpose is to expand his devotion. Breakfast dates, comparing fast food favorites, chick flick movies, surprise picnics, celebrating special occasions, burgers and beer, visits with mutual and individual friends, fireside chats, centralizing competition in simple games, concert events, short trips using two bedrooms, reading favorite passages to each other, planning to travel someday, Sunday afternoon drives into the country, work outs together, swimming, avoiding TV except mutually favorite shows, reciprocating respect for the politics of each, dancing, Sunday church, library and museum visits. They stay busy together—within his limits of course—as she leads them toward more enjoyable times together. Laying around and doing nothing is undesired, except for picnics and other events planned for relaxation.
Many dates follow, their relationship blossoms, and she sees his devotion growing via the events just mentioned. He’s unaware that his actions to please her program his heart. He becomes so used to it that he enjoys it deeply, and soon it pleases him just to please her. He’s devoted to her and thoughts of exclusivity begin to surround her uniqueness. His interest in trusting her without doubt begins to develop.
He becomes bolder, dynamic in finding ways to relate well. She seems to go along for the ride, and he keeps expanding and embellishing the ride to please her. He is satisfied just to be with her, and she is happy in his presence. She learns to express a little of his dynamism by teasing him, but cautiously to see how far she can go.
He takes her for granted by seeking no special signs that she appreciates him, except for his persistent hinting that they should be having sex. She longs for an invitation to pledge their exclusiveness, but senses it’s the wrong thing for the moment. She figures that if dedicated exclusiveness with one another can be generated before they have sex, the more likely his faithfulness will carry over after they marry.
Her likeability eventually turns his interest into trusting her to be loyal to him exclusively. His trust and affection compound. His likeability turns her interest into trusting him to be loyal to her, and mutual bonding deepens. Without mentioning it, he presumes they have an exclusive association. Without admitting it, he senses that he loves her.
She starts to puzzle over his changed interest in sex. He acts horny, seeks more passionate moments. However, as previously, he steers himself away after she moves his hand or hints he is unwelcome to think that she weakens about lowering her standards. Still, something is different and she wonders.
Nevertheless he pushes more than before. He pumps her for details of her sexual history. Inquires about her marriage. Pries about boyfriends and other male friends. When she objects or refuses, he backs off. She figures he’s not satisfied, but he respects her sufficiently to stop prying. She respects him more than before, but she also knows he is not finished.
It’s puzzling. The more devoted he becomes, the more his resistance to harassing her about sex seems to fade. One would think the opposite; the more devoted, then the more gentle, understanding, and agreeable with her wishes. Not so, however.
The more devoted he becomes, the more he is due what he has deferred for so long. But it does not mean that his sexual aggressiveness emerges to plague her. He’s not above being slammed into an emotional upheaval too, and it begins ….