Hank is still not home, and he yells at the steering wheel. “She’s a witch.” Then in lower tone, “How could she have known my plan before I start? It was a good plan. Conquer and take over. Steer the bus she thinks of as romance, and I now assert should be ‘let’s get under the covers’.”
He smiles as he recalls how she so ingeniously outwits him. It happened before, and always with her mellow charm that at the end makes him proud she can so delicately get her way.
The memory of that night stirs his admiration more than his ire. As he planned, they go to their favorite place for champagne and center their focus on the inner space of each other. They enjoy a short touch of romance with smiles, gentle touching, and he quietly mumble-sings a love ballad to her with many words missing. Just as he planned.
She marvels that he knows such an old melody. Then, with little notice, he becomes quiet and disengages his interest in her and the surroundings. Seemingly troubled, she inquires of his mindset.
“Titty on your mind?” His head spins, eyes flash as if angry, but then he smiles. “How did you know?” Her smile brightens, “It’s about time.”
She continues. “Honey, you’ve honored my desires about abstinence for many months. You’ve done it with lovable spirit and gentlemanly pleasantness. It has enabled our relationship to heat up and boil beautifully, while passion fades like steam rising from the bubbles.
“You have been great to keep passion under control, to not pressure me to give in, to respect my desire to be free of sexual pressures. I love you for it, darling, more than anyone else in my past. Few men could do what you’ve done. And so, I want to better define myself to you.
“You deserve what you are about to hear. You may run off, but that’s the price I must pay to be true to me first, you second, and us above all others.
“My life is no better than I make it for myself. You are an immense help, but you’re not inside me, at least not yet. Even if you were, it would weaken our mutual devotion, because it means I betray myself.
“My father raised me with this principle. I am what I accomplish, and not what I hope or intend. He gave me the push but no suggestions, and I graduated into the teen world with traditional girlhood hopes and dreams. The mistakes of my marriage convince me, it was the right goal before and the only way afterward.
“My hopes and dreams quite naturally centered on my knight on his white charger. If he will be that sterling for me, then I should be golden for him.
“Somewhere along the line, and no one had to tell me. Too young for girlhood hopes and dreams and I now know better, I concluded that virginal was golden. After my mistakes, I believe virtual virginity symbolizes golden in all the other matters of living with someone. In other words, I may be capable of sex, but I’m much more important and valuable as a mate well kept for it rather than because of it.
“I can’t let my feelings for my knight be bleached out by someone else. He won’t be all that sterling, and I won’t be all that golden, if I let it happen. A broken marriage taught me that.
“After my divorce, the dream returned. I merely had to figure what to call it, and I chose virtual virginity—meaning I abstain until rescued for keeps.
“My real life begins when I am swept into ‘keeperhood’ to perform as intended and for which I have prepared most of my life—mistakes aside. Consequently, I am undeserving of a good enough man, if I can’t do what I pledge to myself.
“You’re getting too close for me to lose, but my objective is not yet accomplished.
“You are becoming more likeable, well-armored, and sit tall enough in the saddle to qualify as the only knight at my round table. However, your armor doesn’t yet shine brightly enough. Your stallion appears hungry, his ribs show, and he needs a wash down.
“I would betray myself, if I told you how to shine armor and feed, wash, and put away your horse. If you don’t already know what you need to complete your life, you may not quality yet as my Mr. Good Enough.
“A touch of champagne, please. And would you sing to me again?”