2605. Who is Responsible for Marital Success? Chapter 14


Still enroute home after proposing to Jenny in the restaurant, Hank continues to reminisce. Three big quirks generated immense and unusual excitement in their courtship.

First, she disclosed her lifelong commitment to abstinence for no other reason than to satisfy herself with a significant achievement. Not the abstinence but the reason for it surprised him; it is more masculine than female motivation, but then her father in childhood inspired her to pursue a big goal.

Second, he decided to marry her and presented his intentions of how to make it work. Starting with methods for handling eight pressures that arise in most marriages, he finished with his plan to supervise and make their marriage work for sixty years. He made as the foundation his intention to cherish her all that time and elevate their marriage to a status above both of them.

Third and most shocking of all, he now faces Jenny’s promise to express her expectations on the subject of lover and lovee, presumably to teach him how to love her. Sounds exciting but does he want to hear it?

He can wait, in no hurry. His curiosity and imagination compete to advise him what to expect, but neither has a comforting thought. What does he know, and when did she know it? What does her agenda look like? Will she expect him to change in some way? Change to what? He knows all he needs to know. So, more about what? Of course, he’s a good lover. He’s had no complaints. He knows exactly what to do. Put it in and drive it home. He loves it so much she can’t not love it.

Jenny fantasized for three days. No dates, no calls. He’s waiting on her, and she wants him anxious to learn. He needs time to consider so that his ears will open to what she has to say.

Jenny never heard of doing such a thing, never contemplated it until she heard how committed Hank is about them marrying. She will gamble. After marriage, there’s no way she can get by trying so directly to coach him into becoming a better lover. He would be certain to take immense offense at even the hint that he could be less than great or perhaps perfect.

Both anecdotes and experience tell her that men are more sensitive about their sexual prowess than anything else, and accusers make themselves disposable. Men brag to each other about their scores from which prowess is presumed. Women, however, know the truth but are much too cautious to disclose what they think. In fact, they say virtually nothing; any comment comes out as criticism or condemnation to a man. Women usually want to keep their man.

Jenny plots her game plan. All new and totally foreign for her to be doing such  plotting in the first place and on a forbidden subject for wives in the second place. Confident that she and Hank have won each other, however, she continues to plan her message.

As he did before, she expects to write out her ‘position paper’ and make it more conversational as she reads it. They meet and she delivers.

“Hank, my dearest friend. We must talk, rather I must talk. You men don’t know jack about the women with whom you lay. Women—in the way you love them—are mere objects to unload your passion. It has probably always been so.

“Men are not to blame; they are just ignorant and women go unfulfilled too much and too often. I figure you and I can be different, if you know more about me and my expectations than you know at present.

“What I say is aimed at all men. You just happen to be the closest and gifted enough to hear a woman’s version of how sex should satisfy rather than frustrate a wife. A husband owes his wife more than poke, come, and go. Knowing you, I’m sure you understand it. But so many men don’t—or so friends, relatives, and associates admit.

“I explain the woman’s dilemma. We cannot convey our frustrations without offending our man. We are due more honor in the bed we make with them, and I shall hopefully make with you.

“Education, not information, overcomes ignorance. Women are in no position to educate men about making love. We try to inform, yes. When we try, they take offense and drop the gal who suggests their masculine talents are less than perfect in technique and terrific in achievement. An impenetrable wall surrounds the male ego about sexual aptitude, attitude, and competence. Few things are guarded with more religious fervor.

“I hope to give you a peek over that wall. Not because you need it, but because I want the wall lowered enough so I can converse more freely with my husband about making love.

“Here are some basics of how women view sexual relations.

  • “Warmup is critical to a woman’s sexual enjoyment; the root of any pleasure begins with it. Foreplay brings her whole body into the action that follows. Bare skin touching and caressing is vital, and extended stimulation of her erogenous zones can complete the warmup. The better she is warmed up, the better is her response to him in action. So, if he thinks he’s good and expects to confirm it with the final results, he owes her an extended warmup until she says she’s ready.
  • “Contrary to man-think, earning his orgasm does not satisfy her. Pleasure? Perhaps! Maybe sure! But it’s the weakest way to prove himself. Fornication does not make a good lover. She makes him a good lover, when she is properly prepared and rewarded with intimacy at the end.
  • “Emotional conflict exists when intercourse begins. He’s driven to drive home his weapon. She wants gentle handling. His nature inspires hard penetration, and so it’s a price women are accustomed to paying. His gentle caressing and holding elsewhere helps her adapt to the courser side of his style.
  • “She needs a multi-function cool-down after they finish intercourse. Oh, not from body heat but from her excited internals that need a calming effect that comes from the comfort of his holding her with snuggling and more bare skin touching and caressing. It provides and she needs a lengthy interlude of intimacy to fortify and confirm her importance. If sex doesn’t make her feel important afterward, he didn’t do it right. His holding and enabling her to snuggle close confirms that she did the right and important thing for him. So, he owes her satisfying intimacy as reward for being a good receptacle for his intensity.

“As you can see, Hank, women are people too. When we make love, we also go all the way. Provided, that is, our man knows how to lift and gently escort us all the way through the three arches of pleasure: warmup joy, intercourse kindness, and satisfying intimacy.

“Hank expects to be flabbergasted, but he isn’t. No big deal. He thinks; I didn’t know all that but, heck, I could have figured it out sometime. Just my receptacle? That hurt. That’s not me. She makes a good case for her sisters, but I don’t know how it will ever get to other men. It’s not that complicated, but the gal has to become the most important person in the process; if the guy hopes to claim, accurately, to be a good lover.

“Jenny smiles while Hank contemplates how to respond. His silence sparks her inquiry.

“Well, honey, is our marriage talk ended? Are we finished? Remember, none of it was aimed at you but presented to educate rather than just inform. Also, this was a traumatic undertaking for me. I did it once. Never again. The subject is not for discussion unless you question me for more details sometime in our wedded future.”

Hank rises, sits beside with his arm around her. “Heck, I know all that. It makes sense and fits what I’ve known for a long time. Probably a few details slightly different, but I always intended to do those things as best I could. I figured experience together would make everything come out at least good or maybe better. I’m mostly concerned with the when, where, and how of getting started.”

Jenny starts crying, hugs him, feels relieved she has done well. Then she stops. They kiss, promise eternal togetherness, and depart for beer and burgers.

Over food, Jenny smiles in his eyes. “I can hardly wait for our warmup, your shining presence in me, and my reward of intimacy.”

Hank’s eyes sparkle with moisture, “Let’s get married sooner.”

Hank rethinks his plan to present her ring. I can do it tomorrow night at our favorite restaurant. Will it be romantic enough? Well, I will make it so.

Recovering from the fantasy flavor of what she has just done, Jenny calls her mother. “Change of plans, mom, we’re doing it sooner and….”

4 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

4 responses to “2605. Who is Responsible for Marital Success? Chapter 14

  1. SeekandFind

    Good morning to you Sir Guy and thank you for eloquently expressing such topic through the voice of Jenny.

    Were Jenny a virgin, how would this conversation change or remain the same? Should the lover/lovee conversation even happen given she may or may not have revealed she is a virgin to her future husband? Or would this discussion keep her “virgin status” a mystery, thus she remains a mystery to her future husband, and more precious in her future husband’s eye?

    Your Highness SeekandFind,

    If Jenny were virginal, she would lack experience to give it.

    The lover/lovee convo happened because Jenny was sure Hank was already won, she had unfortunate experience with ex, and she saw a way to improve their life together if they did continue and wed.

    Hank knew she had been married and had one boyfriend later, and so he is willing to accept her ‘as is’. That’s not a condition that women should expect from their man, because it contradicts the male nature. But then, H&J have a relationship much different from most (due to this author wanting to describe certain principles that affect relationship and show that ‘love is never enough’.)

    Jenny described her virtual virgin relationship, one ex-husband and one ex b/f. The otherwise exclusiveness of her achieving her goal in life added preciousness to Hank’s eye.

    Guy

  2. Wants to know

    “He thinks; I didn’t know all that”
    “Hank rises, sits beside with his arm around her. “Heck, I know all that.”

    Haha!

    Your Highness Wants to know,
    He thinks one thing, probably the most accurate. He tells her something else to keep from admitting ignorance.
    Guy

  3. Femme

    Dear Sir Guy,
    I would like to know if Jenny is seeing other men alongside Hank (until he proposes)?
    Does she keep her options open? And if so, does she make him aware of it? Or does she keep it to herself only?
    And – sorry but the more I read your blog the more questions I have – what is the value in prenuptial agreements? Yes or No?

    Your Highness Femme,

    “I would like to know if Jenny is seeing other men alongside Hank (until he proposes)?” No, Jenny proved her loyalty earlier. Not in words, but in her actions of liking Hank sufficiently well that she lost desire for dating others.

    “Does she keep her options open?” Of course, any woman would but no red flags has she seen.

    “And if so, does she make him aware of it? Or does she keep it to herself only?” It would be too much for her to say something like, “You know Hank, I’ve seen no red flags as long as we’ve been dating.”

    “And – sorry but the more I read your blog the more questions I have – what is the value in prenuptial agreements? Yes or No?”

    Your questions are welcome. Pre-nups? They wave red flags that people choose to ignore. Little mutual respect, no individual respect for one another, and no mutual or individual trust. I also suspect marginal individual self-respect and self-image about success in life.

    If a couple has no more to offer each other, why marry? The foundation of a good marriage is cracked and it won’t take much to crumble it.

    I recognize that legal reasons can overrule marital dedication, so reason exists to have prenuptial agreements.

    Guy

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