You ladies will have trouble with the concepts that lead up to these rules. Prepare for unexpected surprises about motivational thoughts.
Different from you, the male nature does not operate on love but more on mutual likeability and loyalty. It’s a tough difference for women to live with. Consequently, the more love and affection you DIRECTLY heap upon him in an effort to get a return on your investment, the less happy you will be with his reactions—sex excluded, of course.
You are not responsible for husband’s reactions to you personally. He does not love as you do. If deeply committed to you, he reacts, and is duty-bound and tends to please you to his own satisfaction, which may or may not be to your satisfaction or sense of being happy with him.
His attentions may not include much love and affection as you as a woman define and expect it. Nothing wrong with you; it’s his inborn nature. He has never been taught by females in his life—mother, grannies, sisters, teen girls—to openly show his emotional connections on the promise that women will appreciate him better.
Frequently or regularly expressing your love and affection will not change that. Wives don’t satisfy husbands or make them happy with DIRECT application of love and affection. About L&A, men favor INDIRECTNESS.
Wives generate friendly and inspiring conditions under and by which husbands satisfy themselves, and wives do it by pleasing themselves by investing their L&A into the environment in which they live together. It’s his castle when she does it to his satisfaction.
It doesn’t mean you can’t keep a husband who doesn’t satisfy himself, but an unsatisfied man doesn’t remain long in an environment where his accomplishments are not satisfying to him. Even ambitions for his marriage must have satisfying achievements, such as peace and quiet after returning from work, lack of nagging, sex when expected, lack of guilt for not fixing things he has no ability to fix, and her acceptance and enjoyment of his achieving satisfactions in ways that she helps or exclusively plans.
Satisfaction is to men what ‘happy’ is to women. If a couple separates and he blames her, it isn’t necessarily because of love or lack of it, but because the home and family environment she provided was not satisfying enough for him. And that means she did not apply her love and affection indirectly and make his castle a satisfying place to live together. Wives need to learn to invest their love and affection in the efforts they exert to build and manage their home and those in it. If she can’t find satisfaction in that, she will have significant trouble keeping her man.
A husband expects to be satisfied with his wife, satisfied living with her, and, consequently, satisfied with his marriage. She does not do the satisfying with loving affection. She makes herself and their environment sufficient enough for husband to find satisfaction with his accomplishments, living the life that he initially expected from marriage, and for which he gave up his independence.
Her loving attentions spent on him have significant benefits to her; she needs to do it for her own sake. However, loving attention and affection expended on husband are less effective than her love spent on making his castle and everybody in it more satisfying to him. He doesn’t need her DIRECT love but what she can do INDIRECTLY with it to satisfy him, satisfy his mind with her as mate, and satisfy his living together with her.
Her being happy depends on two things: his satisfaction being in her presence, and her expressing her love of him and his showing appreciation. She can’t love him into being satisfied; her love is an advantage but not a necessity except as it keeps her glued to helping him find self-satisfaction with her and their living together.
When a wife looks to be happy in other ways than enabling her husband to achieve a satisfying life with her, she causes fractures and cracks in castle walls that slow his desire or prevent husband from finding satisfaction. Their relationship can easily become endangered.
Of course to her, he may not deserve her effort to satisfy him. When she gives up, it is the perfect excuse to argue her positions and for her to get her way with him. But then, she likely will have to do without a husband. Not every man wants to marry her, however, and many women discover that no man wants to marry them, especially after the lure of youth fades.
The rules I propose below can guide wives to produce a more satisfying marriage for their husbands; that is, satisfied with both her and living with her. No guarantees, but the model defined by the rules below has universal appeal to the masculine nature in relationships where a man has deeply committed himself to one woman—and it makes devotion much easier to sustain.
It forces wives to develop their own methods, satisfactions, and happy moments by coaching husbands into spending time precisely on her as wife, friend, and lover. Indirectly works best, and her direct appeals for attention and affection are least effective.
Women have one universal capability that men lack in meaning and effectiveness: Her smiling visage captures and holds a man’s attention like nothing else. It’s her best way to win, to get her way, and to influence any man when he least expects it.
Rule 1: Smile when you look at his face and as much as possible in his presence. He loves to see you smiling. It’s a primordial signal that you are okay, which means that he has done nothing wrong and is free to play with you. If not smiling, then maintain a neutral facial expression.
He sees a smile and knows that all is okay on the home front. OTOH, he sees a frown or pout and knows that something is wrong with you and he may be responsible, which discourages playing with you for fun or encouragement, and which makes yours a satisfaction-defeating complaint.
Don’t let him see you pout or frown. Find ways to hide or disguise your negative feelings. Of course, it is impossible, but the more and better you do it, the more successful you will be at keeping your man. Why? It’s next.