I dodged the question if the shack-up lady should move out after she declared her intent to go celibate with her shack-up partner. I wanted to hear from you ladies first. You didn’t surprise me. Either directly or indirectly you favored her moving out.
I agree and add this, move out ASAP. No benefits accrue to her by remaining in his burrow. Her decision and departure force him to decide how badly he needs her or not. After all, her declaration to be celibate is prompted to make him decide these matters: Can he live without her? Is she more important to him than frequent and convenient sex? Can and will he give up his independence to marry her? He wouldn’t before, so how about now?
She made her decision, so let her act as if she knows what she’s doing and the risk she bears. Women have far more courage than men think, and so she needs to establish her sex-free beachhead that he must cross should he decide to re-establish his role in her new way of life.
If she doesn’t move out, she’s exposes herself continually to his arguments that may even trigger his desperation or overcome her determination. It exposes her to defending herself against his charges that she is wrong, inept, selfish, spiteful, and other arguments he can use and compound to convince her she should reconsider. How can she recover when her man alternately puts her down and then confesses and begs her to stay? By giving in to his demands? It’s called defeat.
‘Nuking the relationship’ will separate his thinking into two clearly defined options. ‘I need her bad enough that marriage is the price I will pay, or I don’t.’
He will probably try to stay in contact to keep her as booty or restore their shack up. It will take awhile for him to evaluate his options and decide which is best for him. Recovery from such a surprise takes time.
If he proposes, it will likely ‘un-nuke’ what transpired before, unless she restores his access to sex without marriage. If he doesn’t have to earn a new conquest from their new Day One, she will not earn sufficient respect that their start-over will succeed. Yes, it works just like original conquest. The more he has to earn her and the longer she holds out, the more respect she earns for their future together, if she is worth it to him.
If he proposes, two conquerors face off again. It’s like their first encounter so many years ago. He seek sex before marriage, and she seeks marriage before sex. It’s back again to healthy relationship development, except this time she’s in better charge, more easily committed to her position, more easily earns respect, and she’s less vulnerable than the first time.
He now knows she means business. He’s in or out, and it’s totally his choice.